Being jealous , and being sick about it.

Its about 6 AM on a cold friday morning in Chennai.I have not properly slept for past 36 hours or so. This night , i was working. Sitting in my office , with about 100 cubicles around me , all empty. Nothing else , other than me and the desktop with two monitors. Atleast there were two monitors . I consider them as my companions.., "i ain't alone" ,i proudly say to the reflection on the window panels.

I came back home at about 5 , as i felt i needed some sleep. Rolled over in bed, could not get sleep.Tried to cry ,tears dont come out. Fuck , i cant even cry..(well, its been so for a long time now) .. And here i am , this is the only place i can escape to , whenever i am in trouble., my writing desk, and my wonderful blog , which i am so glad that no one is reading , so that i can write freely in here , more or less like my diary.

Any one want to know why i was trying to cry ? Yeah , partially because i was not able to sleep, but more because i feel so bloody low. I talked to this person who is one of the most important people of my life , some one whom i love so much, and hate as well. The hate factor is actually being built from my 'feeling low' state ., and the other way , some sort of a vicious circle it forms by itself.

After ages of accusing that person for my own pathetic being , i am starting to realise that the real problem lies within me , and not her(ok,i have given away the gender suspense of my character). It all comes down to one simple word , 'Jealousy'. I am so fucking jealous of the life that she has.,and i feel so terrible about the life that i have. I have listened to you all, i have tried to understand that everyone would feel so.. i have told to myself a 100 thousand time that , "you are doing good".

But ., i am sorry., i am just not able to convince myself. I have tried to show off to everyone how wonderful i am. I have a decent job , i earn well , i take care of my mother, i am being a good brother , great at work , gets appreciation from managers and colleagues , runs a small business of my own, has made a short film, writes decently ., and so on. But even when i say this , to which everyone , including her,accepts , but yet on the back of my mind , i know that i am not living the life that she is. She may not have any of which mentioned above , but she lives with friends., she lives in Europe(a place which i have always dreamt of being to) , and she parties every week. All that she bothers is about shopping , meeting and partying with friends , trips and so on. Lets take the 'she' off here , as i feel i am blaming her , and lets make it 'they' . Now , if you look at them , they all have a international degree as well , and would obviously end up in a high profile job. Ok , the toughness of getting job and all that crap would be there , but at the end of the day , they would all end up having same or better salary than me.Where as , i have struggled to reach here. I mean , i studied in India, in a engineering college , with a educational loan , where i had to struggle day in and day out , living the ordinary life of any other mid-level college student.I had my own share of fun , but it was nothing like this.One major mistake , one simple yet big mistake that i made on those days , which i feel has turned around my life from good-bad , was the fact that i did not take my campus interviews seriously. One mistake , and it took me about 3 years to recover my life from that single simple mistake.

While i say all this , let me make one more thing clear. If Gods are reading this , please skip. I am very glad about what you have given me from time to time. Good health , good family , good friends , good job , everything.The problem i have has got nothing to do with Gods ., and i sincerely hope that they would forgive me for this sick jealousy that i have developed. Not just Gods , i cant blame anyone . I dont want others, whom i am jealous of., to do bad , i want all to be happy , but still i am so sad that i dont have the happiness that they have.

The way they live , is what i wanted. Living in Europe with guys and gals together , studying in super good college with little work , partying and having fun , and once it ends , get a good job , and settle with family.

So why didnt it happen for me like that ? I am 26 now , and i am almost out of my 'young' ages. These things will not happen to me ever again , i have missed the chance , and it makes me feel more sick.

May be because of the choices i made in life. I always wanted to do everything by my own. And thank God, i have achieved things., but never made it to the heights i wanted.i thought of staying away and being focussed on my career and future , and here i am , at the verge of being an uncle , and looking pathetically back at a young age which could have been well used and enjoyed . What have i gained by being planned and being dedicated and hard working ? What have i gained by taking the tough route than the easy one ? Nothing ! No fucking thing !!

I have lived a tough life , a very tough one where nothing came easy for me. I had to struggle and earn each and everything that i have today. I hate to see others who get it easy. One big question that looms over me day in and day out is "When i have worked harder , better than others .., why do they have a better life than me ?"

However , i have decided to stop whining. It is just making me look even more pathetic. I am going to accept the small life i had/have , and enjoy it to the level best.I know i would never get the life that they are living , but there is nothing much i can do about it now.It was all my decisions/priorities that took me here. I would work hard , and i may achieve something when i am old and ugly , but that i dont think will replace the young life that i have lost.

Thanks to my blog , i feel better now. I hope no one reads this , because i am not sure how people would interpret this. Even if one of you from 'them' reads this , please understand that even though i am jealous of what you have , i would only pray for you to be happy , and wish you to have that forever .

Little things that i love

# Planes

Zhooooom..... Here he comes , down , down , down .., sharp big face and hands spread out.I love it even better if there is a visible blade on the wings . The Cargo ones are my favourite , they are the biggest !!

# Cats

Last week a small one got trapped in our Kitchen. He was as small as my palm , but when i went near him , he was like 'Aghhhh ... Grhmmmmm ..Grrrggg' . Thats attitude man !

# Tigers/Dogs

I will get a dog as soon as i am settled somewhere , and i will adopt a tiger before i die.

# Little girls

I have talked about this earlier , just re emphasizing the fact that i am crazy about little girls.

# Saloon

I love going to a Saloon . I dont know why , but i really like when i am sitting there and some one playing with my hair .

# My blog

I am in love with my blog. The best thing is that i have absolute freedom here , no one reads this , yet i get the pleasure of talking to the whole world.

Will come back and edit this post later ..

The extramarital affair !!!

Yeah , thats true ... I am involved in an extramarital affair ...


I am married to Network engineering , whom my parents chose . She is lovely , and sexy.I really like her , but , but then ... my love .. Cinema .. I am not able to forget her ...

You know , when i touch the cam , when i design those frames , when i write a dialogue...,you know.., there is no better way to make love in the whole world ...

Now , i am so confused , worried and pissed off . What am i supposed to do ? Yes , for sure i love technology , but do i get an immense feel of comfort when i stand right under the sun at 1 PM in chennai, when i am doing networking ?I doubt it ... Do i feel absolutely nothing for a hot gal ,and see nothing else other than the character , when i am at my desk in office ? I doubt it ...

I dont want to be those people who would turn 60 and tell that , oh god , i could have been a great film maker ... No , NOOOOOOOOOOOO....

But then , can i quit my well paid job , and get my family under debt and lose the girl i want to marry ? No , i cant...

I can tell only one thing my sweetheart cinema .. I will chase you , where ever i go , where ever i reach , i will never leave you,my love for you will never fade...

There will be one day in my life ...When i make you proud with my love ...

The girl is here , again !

Actually , i want to hug her tight and kiss her and tell her that I LOVE YOU .

But , i am not doing so. That is because , i am not sure whether she feels the same way i do .And moreover , she needs time . So do i . May be this is still infactuation between us , may be there is a better man for her and better girl for me . We are no one to predict future , are we ?

One thing i am sure about though , is that i want her to be happy . I dont know how much she cares about me , and i dont want to know . All i know is that ,

I care for her ,a lot !

May be we may not get together , but still i want her to be next to me , i want to take care of her , and make her happy .

I thought of telling all this to her , but then , whats the point ? This is something that someone should feel , not force . We have some time to pass between before we may meet again , and at that point , if i feel that she does care for me , i may propose her . Else , i am happy to pass it as a beautiful dream ,something which was never mine .


I know people have started hating this blog , because of this love-bullshitting , but i dont care . This place is only for me , just to write whatever i feel .

Valnetines day - Times have changed .

Times have changed , look at the V day wishes post i made last year ..

http://the-phenomenon-world.blogspot.com/2009/02/valentines-day-thoughts.html

I was like that ., fooling around girls and flirting , never cared about LOVE and emotions .

The last year had been a very important year for me . I realised several things in my life . I dont know if it was because i grew older , but i believe its because of the experiences that i had with relations .

You all know about this girl i have been going ga-ga for a long time . We talked briefly yesterday , and i made sure there are no intimate talks happening . This girl has played a major role in the turnover of my thoughts .

The most important change is that i have started to believe in love . It does not mean i am in love or being loved , but i now believe that it exists somewhere in the world . Also , for the first time in my life , i am expecting some girl with whom i can truly fall in love with .

Thats my heart speaking , but my brain still tells me that it can only happen to people of one in a billion . I am not expecting anything , especially for the way i had been all these days ., but if i get a chance , i am sure i would really like to fall in love .

Coming back to this girl , she has played an important role to make me feel this .Please note that we have never proposed , nor do i think that we are in love.But she had been a wonderful support and has given me meaningful suggestions to improve my life . She always understood me really well .

Now you would be thinking that 'Why are you not in LOVE' . Well , i dont really know , but speaking about marriage and love , i am not sure if we would make it a success. She is a wonderful friend , and i want it to stay like that , but the moment i start to think of her as a partner , a lot of bad things creep in to my mind , and we screw up the relation . At this point , i dont really think we will make a successful pair , especially because we are both similar kind and will not give up anything for another person .

Another change that has happened to me recently is that , i have started to respect women a lot more . I no longer walk around and call every other girl as a bitch . I feel that women deserve some respect .

The girl has definitely influenced me in improving my personality . As she always says , everything happens for good . She has also helped in improving my headache and stomach pain , but i shall forgive that .

I dont call her , scrap her , or send an email . I do this not because i dont think of her , as a matter of fact there is not a single day where i dont think of her , and pray for her ., but it is because at the moment , i believe there is no point in dragging a relation that i dont think would be a success .I tried several times to get back to her just for the heck of it , but whenever i did that it ended up in trouble . I am letting her live her life , and hoping that she understands me .

One thing is for sure , i only want to see her happy , where ever she is , whatever she is doing .

Belated Valentines day wishes to all . Some day , i will also celebrate a V day with someone i love :)









What the fuck , that was too sentimental emotional shit !!! :P

The Sine Wave of Life !

Ok , my serious boring posts continue , the following are the highlights of the things that happened recently .

1. I got an offer from a better company . Pretty decent offer , i think i will go for it . Final negotiations are going on .Thank you god . Please continue praying for me .

2. The girl whom i first had a relation with , which went pretty seriously (for me) for a long time . She talked to me after a long time . She told me that she has fallen in love with one of my friends , and is looking forward to marriage . I was really happy . I am praying for her these days .

I am wondering what the heck is wrong with me . I should be pissed off and would want to pray that she gets screwed up with that relation ,especially since she defined that 'Menon , what we had was just a crush ' . Why is that for every gal that has a relation with me , its just a crush always ? Anyways , i cannot curse her , my feeling for her true , i want her to be happy , and i will continue to pray for her .

I am not pretending or trying to do this , but unfortunately , it seems that i am a good man .

3. Claps and Boos got released :) Please join in and make it a success .

4. I am becoming more focussed on my life and career , i realise that is what gives me the most pleasure . I wana write stories , screenplays , make another short , make c&b bigger and better , study hard and work well ...

Yes , there are certain things that are missing in life , but not everyone gets everything in life . I am happy with chasing my dreams .

5. Reduced drinking to a great extend .

6. Cannot flirt anymore . May be i have grown up or there is something else that is stopping me . But i am going to listen to my heart and not flirt .

7. Every now and then , i see her , i feel her . Alrite , i know this is serious bullshitting , and 'it was only a crush Menon' . But , unfortunately its not that easy for me . I am trying not to speak to her . As always , i just want her to be happy , and i am hoping that one day i would find my love.

Ha ha , look at that ... PhenoMenon just said that he hopes he would fall in love one day ... ROFL . Life is so interesting babe ., one bizarre sine wave . ...


PS: Girl mentioned in 7) is different from the one in 2)

Success ? Loser stories continued !

I screwed up a relationship with a girl i really love .

I dont want to get into details

But i know 51 % fault is with me

May be we are incompatible .

She is the modern kind who looks for practical things

I am the traditional assole .

Anyways , i am fucked

I feel that the best thing to do at this point would be

NOT to disturb or bother her . I think she deserve better ... A real practical , new world man !!

Let me do that , let me pray for her . I cannot stand her being sad ...

OK, enough of my Romeo stories ...

Get back to life ..

I know there is no life called as love life for me ...

But i still know that there are so many things to do for me in this world

FOR the world ...

So let me do that ..

No more expectations from relations ...

No more falling in love ...

Let me do what i am supposed to do..

And let me make the whole world happy ...

:)

Missing Items .

Well,

As usual i have been sitting back and thinking too much (Not literally , i think when i walk , talk , shit etc . Truly multidimensional thinktard* ).

I figured out that there are certain items that had been missing recently .

1. Not writing stories .

Causes :
1.Do not have time
2.Too much bothered about business
3.Too much bothered about studies
4.Too much bothered about a girl
5.Too much bothered about future
6.Too much of thinking
7.Lesser concepts

Analysis of above points :
1.Rejected ! What the fuck are you doing for 24 hours ?
2.Accepted ! Tone down 10%
3.Accepted ! But do not tone down till you find a better job .
4.Accepted ! Cannot think of a resolution . Lets hope you turn gay .
5.Partially accepted ! This is also a future for you .
6.Contradictory ! Thinking is necessary . Just shape it to the right directions.
7.Rejected ! You are PhenoMenon

2. Less humor .

Causes :
1.All of the previous statements
2.Too much of a proffessional approach to life .

Analysis
1.All of the previous statements
2.Accepted ! This ca .....


Wait a minute .Thats it ! Look at the freaking manner in which i am writing . What the fuck is this ? A case evaluation report to my manager ? Oh my ... So thats it ..

I been listening to one of my alter ego's 'Menon' a bit too much these days . I should get back in to the 'pheno' ways soon ...

Hmmmm ...

Ummmmmm ....

Mmmmmhmumhmmm** ...









*Thinktard - Someone who keeps on thinking for a long time . 'tard' has been used to give it the 'bastard' effect .
**The last few crazy letter combinations are used to make you understand the sound effects that are created inside my areola when i have realisations .

Another dR day !

Im Drunk ,

So i can write i whatever i want ....

"
When i seee you , i run out of words to say ..

i wouldnt leave you , coz you are that type of girl , to make me stay

I see the guys tryna holla , girl i don wana bother you ..

Coz you are INDEPENDANT , and you got MY attention ... "

Ketttooodiiii ?? Patti ????

Song - contnues

"Can i be your baby father , girl i just wana show you ..

That i love what you are doing hah ..

I see you in the club , you getting down good ...

I WANA GET WITH YOU "

But what can i do with that ? There are better Irish and scottish and richer guys than me ... Fuck that .. Let me continue singing ...

"You are so beautiful ., so DAMN beautiful....

I said , you are so beautiful ., so (Fucking) damn so beautiful ....

So beautiful ... beautiful ... "


Ok , none of the people who are gona comment here ask me why i am so depressed with love . Ask that B**ch ... Why cant she just tell me that she wana live with me ??

OK , relax Menon , after all , love is kinda beautiful thing , and you are not good when it comes to making a good lover .

I was screwing the bedsheet when i first did it !

I have no clue why i said that now . Its just a advice for people like my friend Jupiter who are gona get married ,and who have never done 'THAT' .

Sex apart , i am stopping this bullshitting now , i cannot be focused all this 'love thing now , got better things to do in life . Im going to Landmark to buy books ..

C ya

Btw , whats wrong in screwing the bedsheet ? It was so dark afterall !

What should i do with my Life?

Tell me what should i do ?


1. Be a network engineer , go to UAE , earn well , marry a wealthy beautiful girl , have 2 good kids , bring them up well , go for old people associations , and die with your family and friends near you .

YUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK ............... I would rather die now than after wasting 50 years like that .... Oh god ,not this , not this one please.



2.Go to US/Europe/Australia , study Film making , work part time as network engineer .Come back to India , make beautiful movies , write beautiful stories

Wow .. sounds a lot better .But in reality , very very low chances of this happening. Why ? I am not rich like you :)



3.Stay in Chennai , i already have good contacts with film industry . But i dont know a damn thing about film making . So join as a assistant director , and study things , go on to make a movie at 30

Easy ? I have 2 Lakhs of debt to be paid off ! And how would my family react ? Throwing away a good career in engineering for nothing ? Also comes the very good chance of being nothing and lost in life !


4.Go to UAE , make some money come back and get in to film making

Well , at what age ? 67 ?


5.Stay normal , be network engineer , find another better job here in Chennai . Stay connected to films , hope that you will get a break some time in the future

My mom already asked me about marriage , and how long should i wait for this so called 'break in life' ?I thank God for giving me a healthy and good life . But the fact of the matter is that , i have never got that ' break in life ' which i believe is that factor which makes up a life for a person .



What should i do ? Does any one else have any other ideas ?

Letters , Words ,Aimlessness ,Confusions and Love

What happens when someone starts writing something with no aim , no plans , no ideas ?

I love a girl , but I cannot be with her . Why ? I don’t know .

I like network engineering , I like talking to Americans .

I am in love with cinemas ., nothing gives me more pleasure than making films .

I am the most confused soul in the world

I go for jogging everyday

I get stomach pains whenever I get tensed

Past one week was the most disturbing time in my life in recent times .

I was a happy man till I fell for her , I was even more happier when I was with her , now that I decided to break up with her , I am shattered .

Don’t worry Menon , you will get over this .

I know where it all started , that was when I told her that I want to break up this relation .

My tears stop at the edge of my eyes , I cant cry . Its been ages since I have cried .

I am thinking of all the dirtiest things possible about her with the misconception that I would hate her eventually

I feel there is nothing better than her in this world

I LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOVEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUU …. I feel like screaming …..

I am a fucked up Devdas

What is that I want in life ?

I don’t want to go to UAE . Please mom , pleaseee , don’t force me

I want to do Film making course in LFS. It costs around 32 L, INR . I realize that it is just a dream , it will never happen .

The most important thing in this world is money

I realize that she is going to get another man soon . With her charm , beauty and smartness , that will be very easy for her .

God , please let me cry … please

I cant blame her . She is not like me , she is a very practical person .Why should she stay committed to a assole like me ?

I need to understand something here . No One in this world can understand Menon . I don’t expect that to happen .

What does love mean ? Does it mean , understanding someone truly ? Why cant she understand me ?

"What you expect Menon ? How can I understand you ? How long I can wait for you ? You were never bothered about me . I didn’t want to screw my life being with you , so I decided to be with this person . He is nice , normal man , who loves me , unlike you ."

Do you guys think I am mad ?

What is that I want in life ?

I think i am mad.

I want to be a film maker , I want to make many beautiful films

I want to write beautiful stories

I want to be rich and powerful … Oooooh., nothing is better than that

If you have money 80% of your problems are solved

I miss you my dear , I will never forget you . I LOVE YOU , I really do , right from the bottom of my heart ..

I can live without you , I can live as long as I have my dreams

But still I love you

I want to go abroad and study the best in the film making industry

The song Bas Ek Pal , is repeating for atleast 12^th time now .I am not bored. I am not doped .

Menon , I told you many times not to fall in love . You cant handle it . All your manliness , all your strength all your everything , just fades away . Still you took that chance . Its your mistake . You should have never tried that .Never !!

Letters , words – They are magical . When your fingertips touch the keyboard , it’s a beautiful feeling . Can I just keep writing till the end of my life ? If some one asks me , what is that aspect that you are 100% sure in the world . My answer would be instantaneous . I love writing . No no , writing is in love with me .Unconditionally . I can feel it , everytime , in MSWord , in that A4 sheet or even the bedsheet or wall where I scribble random things .

I want to write , I want to write till the end of my life .

Thank you Sindhu Teacher . Thank you for calling up my mom , and telling her that her son in 7th standard is a wonderful writer . If you have never said that , i would have never wrote any more , i would have never felt this happiness .

I don’t want to stop here , I want to write more , please ., why is that there should be an ending to every writing ? Pleassee …. Let me write ….

Love - Pain in the a$$

Yet again , i am worried , confused and drunk .

Let me come straight in to the point , i kinda like a girl these days . When i say like , i am not sure if i am in love or anything ,may be because i dont really believe in it .

The thing is that , she is pretty awesome . Hot,intelligent and smart ! Whats more ,she is younger than me , of my same caste/creed and has similar attitude towards life . So we were going out pretty happily for past 5-6 months .

Now , there is a problem . She has left India , and probably we wont be seeing for next 1-2 years . Oops !

I am pretty happy that she is happy down there (well,i am bit jealous as well , as i have never been outside India) .I would want her to enjoy her life and have fun .

BUT . I feel bit uncomfortable these days . I feel that she would go on to find some one better , some one who would give her a lot of surprises and gifts (which i never did) , and ultimately , she would have physical relationship with him !!

I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!

I am heart broken . , and i am like "Why does the bitch have to doooo thhaat??? "

Ok , wait a minute . She is a good woman ., and she is not that bitchy kind .Why am i overdoing things here ?

I never proposed her , though i always knew she would accept it . I did not do that coz, i never believed in long distance relations . As my friend 'lineproducer' told me yesterday ,-"Out of sight is like Out of Mind" .

And there is another reason why i did not propose . I wanted to have sex with many women before i marry.

So look at me now . I really like this girl , but i am afraid of getting on to commitment . And more over , i would want to give her that time and space rather than taking a hasty decision . So i am not committed , and i dont worry about her .

But its not like that .Coz i am thinking about her a lot these days . Fuck it ! Moreover , i am not really feeling like going out with another girl !! In short , everything is screwed !

Sighhhh.....

Ok , my decision is correct . Let her live her life , and if she finds a better guy , let her be with him .It would have been worser if that happened after we got committed . Btw , lets pray she never finds anyone better .

I am not going to try some other girl(atleast for now) . I dont feel like doing it ., im fucking getting old , and i have a lot more important things to do in life .

The simplest way that a man can be happy , is by having a unconditional relationship with a woman .You dont lose anything by loving some one .., despite what she gives in return .Go watch Forrest Gump today .

There are lot more things happening in my life these days . Will let you know .

I feel so very better after writing this . Nothing gives me more pleasure than writing .

I am going to reduce my 'profanity' (interesting word eh? ) Let me change some alphabets to '$' symbol !

Scared of laziness

I wrote half of this post before 2 weeks and was so lazy to complete it and post it .
Now start reading .


Everyday i sit back and say to myself ., DONT BE LAZY -THIS TIME WILL NOT COME BACK.

But still , i feel i am getting lazy . Well , i was always lazy ., i was never that hardworking geek .. But that cant be an excuse now , i am already too old (going to be 25 this september - thats another thing that scares the shit out of me) , and i am nowhere near my targets (Thats not true , i am somewhere in the picture) .

So i need to start several things
-Utilise most of the time in productive purposes (Reading, Blogging,Film making ,Studying)
-Reduce the time spent to watch/read porn (I have promised my galfrnd that ,post marriage this time can be utilised for more 'productive' purposes )
-Sleep the right amount of time (Sometimes i sleep less , sometimes too much)
-Exercise every day
-Join a Yoga class or more preferably a place where they teach Bhagavad Geetha
-Reduce smoking

Many more things , but as always, i dont remember them all .

Achumama is complaining that i am not posting much in my blog , so even though i know that this is a boring post , i am posting it .

Muaaah !!!





^
|
What the fuck was that ? A kiss ??

Kids - a weakness !

Again , yet another issue that worries me !





I love kids .





I find them so sweet , choooooo chweeeeeeeeet !! Especially baby girls .When i say kids , i mean those in between 1-5

I dont like those less than 1 , coz they are boring , and look so dumb , pisses/shits all over the place , and go to sleep too often .Whats more , they want to stay with their mothers always !

I dont like those older than 5 , coz they become intelligent , and start to show the attributes of being a proper human being . Stuff like speaking properly , acting smart/brave etc .

But in between 1 and 5 ! Ohhh god ! Its heaven on earth .

I usually dont like unclean people , but when it comes to kids (from now on when i say kids , its the 1-5 range) , i have no caste/creed/color/whatever ..., i just love them

You know whenever i see them looking at me so inncoent , with their eyebrows hardly grown , with eyelashes fluttering too often , ohhhh, you guys dont know how hard i try to control myself from taking them from their fucking mothers (ok ,i know that was rude , but i generally hate young mothers , i will come to it later ) , and play with them !

Sigh !

Whats wrong with me !The whole thing makes me uncomfortable .


I mean , i should not be like this , i am a cool new age guy , who cracks joke at every other thing and hardly have any feelings , you know , the good old rough and tuf guy!

Atleast , i am trying to be like that , else i will get no respect from my friends .

But every time i see a kid , the whole ruf and tuf melts away , damn ,i sometimes lose it completely and start to speak about kids , where my friends would be talking about banging the neighbor girl . How sick am I !

Another issue is that , i am not really that kind of a boy who likes the chweet things in the world , seriously , this is not something that i am making up .I donot like ice cream (Yea ICE CREAM , now close your mouth and continue reading) , sweets , chocolates , birds(YUCK) , flowers .

When i am a guy like that , how the hell this kid thingy came on to my mind ? I have no idea .

Ok , i like cats , dogs , tigers (not lions , i hate them) , and one of my greatest dreams is to adopt a tiger kid and grow it up for 3-4 years , all on my expense and care ! Wow ! I think the tiger development board (or whatever) allows that !

So coming back , what is wrong with me ?

And the worst thing about this is that , i like baby girls more !

And i hate adult girls , i really do !

Every time i see a baby girl , i could see her mother not really taking care of her ! damn bitches !!

I think the new age girls do not really love their kids as our mothers used to do !

I hate when girls (adult) try to show off , especially 'awwwh i am a cutie ' stuff ! Grrrrrrrrr!!!! I hate you !!!

So just imagine what i would feel when young mothers try to do that !! And not bother about their kid moving around ? What if she/he falls down ? What if some one accidently step over them ? What if they eat something big or dirty ? Damn , i cannot even think about all that !

Ok , i am stopping here , if i think about that , i will lose control .But in short , you bloody bitches , i want to kill you all !!


I have this friend named Ash , she is too crazy about kids . But may be in a different way ., she actually like the 0-1 babies , and hence not my kind .

Some one told me that i will have many kids when i get married .

I will be marrying late , its uncool to be a father at a young age ! And whats more , you will need to have a WIFE , a bloody effing Wife !!

I thought of this artificial insemination thingy the other day .

May be i would need it , i dont really want to get married and have a wife , but i want a kid .

So ., artificial insemination could be the only way .

But then there is another problem , i know that every kid needs a mother ! Not just a father .

And my kid should have everything , and hence surely a mother .



Damn , i will have to get married after all .



And even if i have a baby girl (i have decided upon her name ) , what will i do when she goes over 5 years ? Will she be yet another girl that i see everywhere ?


No , she is my kid after all .



Where am i going ?? Ha Ha , look at me , 23 years old , atleast 6 years away from a marriage/child. , and already i am worried about my kid . LOL


This is what pheno'menon' is all about , i am really funny ..,am i not ?

LOLs