Love life nostalgia

I am caught in nostalgia today. Love life is the best when it comes to thinking about the past.

I remember this girl from 5th standard.I don't really remember her name or her face , but she definitely fall in to the one of my earliest love interests. She was fair , and..., and that's it. I changed school the next year , and i forgot her.

Then i think i had plenty of love interests. As a matter of fact , i was in love with almost every girl , or rather , i expected at least one of them to have a crush on me.But it never happened , i think they were also thinking the same way. I did flirt even those days, and i am sure many of the girls loved that. But nothing really important happened.I remember a rumor that one of the bad looking girls were in love with me , but there was no proper evidence for that and i was not interested in verifying.

Probably somewhere in 12th standard, is where she would have come. I was dying to flirt those days , but did not really have great chances with a strict and traditional school in Kerala. And then she was there - fair , hot and cute new comer of 11th.I made a bet with my friends on her , and thus it happened. I thought she would not give a damn about me , and would be surrounded by plenty of guys .But it was not so , and it was easy for me.

She had a card shop , which was quite near to my house. I went there once , twice , and i think that did it.I kept it as a secret to my friends , and agreed that i lost the bet.

One day she came to my house and i served her grape juice .This incident broke out in school , and several friends kissed me as they thought she kissed me. I felt like a hero !

And then it happened ,I kissed for the first time in my life. I also did several other things for the first time in my life.

Did i love her ? I don't know , but i am sure neither of us really did knew what the meaning of love is. No one knows , at 18 . It is just a fantasy , a beautiful fantasy(which should happen to everyone). And i am sure we lived in that fantasy ,for 2-3 years. I even went up to the limit of telling both our parents that i wanted to marry her. There had been lot of problems , very much like a movie story, rich girl , big family , threats , and the climax.

The climax is a bit different in this story though . We both moved to Coimbatore for college and then we started to experience a new world of freedom and friends. Frustration kept on piling up inside me about the relationship.I did not like the way she lived and neither did she like mine.I really wanted to break the shackles and live a free life but my 'commitment' did not let me do it.

And thus it happened , one day , she called me and told me that its over. I agreed. We decided to part ways. I felt relieved.

After a week or so , i bought a present for her birthday and called her. It was switched off.

Tried home , friends and every one . No news.

After a few months after her disappearance , i learned that she has ran away with someone .I met her brother whom i thought hated me , but then realised was a fine person. He explained whatever he knew and we decided to do a search for her.

Did i pursue the search for the girl who left me ? No . By that time , i also had left her , and i was sure enjoying my freedom. I started doping and drinking , and many a time blamed it on her , which i now realize was just an excuse.

I loved the fact that i could now sleep with any women, and decided never to fall in love again. My 'sleeping with several women' stories are there in my previous posts. Check it out if you are ready to 'lol' at me.

And thus it ended , my first love. It was followed up with several other 'flings' or short term assignments. My primary requirement was sex ,with some romancing and a little bit of sharing.I always made sure whenever it was about to get serious ,put an end to it and run away from it.

Frankly , i was scared to fall in love.

Then , recently , i decided to change .Is it because i fell heads over heals in love with someone? Is it because love happens to every one ? No , i don't think so . I dont think i am in love even now. But yes ,things have changed. I sometimes wonder if this is yet another practical adjustment that i have made to my life. I am finding it so tough to accept this new phase , but still holding on .

Tired of writing , let 'what happened to me recently' be a surprise , which i will try to cover in another post.

Moments when you feel great !

There are moments in each and every one of our lives , when certain small things happen , which just brightens up your life . No , it will not change your life for ever , but will make you feel alive.

A normal wednesday night , roaming around facebook and planning to go to sleep. Then this happens ,

XXXXX hi Aravind
11:31pmMe hi

11:31pmXXXXX how r u
11:31pmMe good , n u?

I check my huge friend list , and checks his pic .We have some common friends , but i am not able to recognise who he is . I am wondering why he is pinging me , but i always show some courtsey , and decided to ask him something,

11:32pmMe were are you?


11:33pmXXXXX in london
doing my masters
how is life ?

11:33pm Me
life is same
and ordinary
;);)

11:34pmXXXXX
want to tel u sumtng...... saw ur short film. good effort from ur side. can see how much u have worked for it
keep the good work gng!


This is the moment i am talking about ...


11:35pmXXXXX
yum man i was disccussing it wit my frnd

11:35pmXXXXX
huh u r gr8

11:35pmXXXXX
nice
r u working on any such films now?


NO , he is not gay . I am sure he dont even really remember me . I also know i am being overexcited for a small appreciation . I have recieved such appreciations in the past as well . But all i am saying is that , moments like this can make you feel something , something which tells you that there is some good reason why you are alive .


Me
bye
thanks for the suport
:):)

Valnetines day - Times have changed .

Times have changed , look at the V day wishes post i made last year ..

http://the-phenomenon-world.blogspot.com/2009/02/valentines-day-thoughts.html

I was like that ., fooling around girls and flirting , never cared about LOVE and emotions .

The last year had been a very important year for me . I realised several things in my life . I dont know if it was because i grew older , but i believe its because of the experiences that i had with relations .

You all know about this girl i have been going ga-ga for a long time . We talked briefly yesterday , and i made sure there are no intimate talks happening . This girl has played a major role in the turnover of my thoughts .

The most important change is that i have started to believe in love . It does not mean i am in love or being loved , but i now believe that it exists somewhere in the world . Also , for the first time in my life , i am expecting some girl with whom i can truly fall in love with .

Thats my heart speaking , but my brain still tells me that it can only happen to people of one in a billion . I am not expecting anything , especially for the way i had been all these days ., but if i get a chance , i am sure i would really like to fall in love .

Coming back to this girl , she has played an important role to make me feel this .Please note that we have never proposed , nor do i think that we are in love.But she had been a wonderful support and has given me meaningful suggestions to improve my life . She always understood me really well .

Now you would be thinking that 'Why are you not in LOVE' . Well , i dont really know , but speaking about marriage and love , i am not sure if we would make it a success. She is a wonderful friend , and i want it to stay like that , but the moment i start to think of her as a partner , a lot of bad things creep in to my mind , and we screw up the relation . At this point , i dont really think we will make a successful pair , especially because we are both similar kind and will not give up anything for another person .

Another change that has happened to me recently is that , i have started to respect women a lot more . I no longer walk around and call every other girl as a bitch . I feel that women deserve some respect .

The girl has definitely influenced me in improving my personality . As she always says , everything happens for good . She has also helped in improving my headache and stomach pain , but i shall forgive that .

I dont call her , scrap her , or send an email . I do this not because i dont think of her , as a matter of fact there is not a single day where i dont think of her , and pray for her ., but it is because at the moment , i believe there is no point in dragging a relation that i dont think would be a success .I tried several times to get back to her just for the heck of it , but whenever i did that it ended up in trouble . I am letting her live her life , and hoping that she understands me .

One thing is for sure , i only want to see her happy , where ever she is , whatever she is doing .

Belated Valentines day wishes to all . Some day , i will also celebrate a V day with someone i love :)









What the fuck , that was too sentimental emotional shit !!! :P

The Sine Wave of Life !

Ok , my serious boring posts continue , the following are the highlights of the things that happened recently .

1. I got an offer from a better company . Pretty decent offer , i think i will go for it . Final negotiations are going on .Thank you god . Please continue praying for me .

2. The girl whom i first had a relation with , which went pretty seriously (for me) for a long time . She talked to me after a long time . She told me that she has fallen in love with one of my friends , and is looking forward to marriage . I was really happy . I am praying for her these days .

I am wondering what the heck is wrong with me . I should be pissed off and would want to pray that she gets screwed up with that relation ,especially since she defined that 'Menon , what we had was just a crush ' . Why is that for every gal that has a relation with me , its just a crush always ? Anyways , i cannot curse her , my feeling for her true , i want her to be happy , and i will continue to pray for her .

I am not pretending or trying to do this , but unfortunately , it seems that i am a good man .

3. Claps and Boos got released :) Please join in and make it a success .

4. I am becoming more focussed on my life and career , i realise that is what gives me the most pleasure . I wana write stories , screenplays , make another short , make c&b bigger and better , study hard and work well ...

Yes , there are certain things that are missing in life , but not everyone gets everything in life . I am happy with chasing my dreams .

5. Reduced drinking to a great extend .

6. Cannot flirt anymore . May be i have grown up or there is something else that is stopping me . But i am going to listen to my heart and not flirt .

7. Every now and then , i see her , i feel her . Alrite , i know this is serious bullshitting , and 'it was only a crush Menon' . But , unfortunately its not that easy for me . I am trying not to speak to her . As always , i just want her to be happy , and i am hoping that one day i would find my love.

Ha ha , look at that ... PhenoMenon just said that he hopes he would fall in love one day ... ROFL . Life is so interesting babe ., one bizarre sine wave . ...


PS: Girl mentioned in 7) is different from the one in 2)

Success ? Loser stories continued !

I screwed up a relationship with a girl i really love .

I dont want to get into details

But i know 51 % fault is with me

May be we are incompatible .

She is the modern kind who looks for practical things

I am the traditional assole .

Anyways , i am fucked

I feel that the best thing to do at this point would be

NOT to disturb or bother her . I think she deserve better ... A real practical , new world man !!

Let me do that , let me pray for her . I cannot stand her being sad ...

OK, enough of my Romeo stories ...

Get back to life ..

I know there is no life called as love life for me ...

But i still know that there are so many things to do for me in this world

FOR the world ...

So let me do that ..

No more expectations from relations ...

No more falling in love ...

Let me do what i am supposed to do..

And let me make the whole world happy ...

:)

Mrs Menon in Train

December 24 , Covai Express , 12:30 PM

"Hello , Am i speaking to Pheno Menon" ?

"Yes , who is this ? "

"Sir , we have an opening for network engineer in Chennai, are you looking for a change"

My eyes wide opened - The little girl sitting next gave a nodded response to my smile.

"Oh .. yea , ofcourse .. please go ahead "

"This opening is for network engineer with a reputed MNC in Chennai .They are looking for network engineer with experience in routing , switching , and knowledge in MPLS , you would be sent out to US for a few months of training and .. "

"Wait , which company is it ? "

"Well , this is for XXX Corp sir "

"Hmm , i am not sure whether i would be really interested "

"Why sir , i can guarantee you that they are one of the top companies in India "

"Really ? Then , i dont think their employees would have registered in your portal for a job"

"Sir ... what you mean"

"It means that i am working for them "

"Ohh .. ohh.. Sorry sir ... in that case why dont you refer someone you know " ...

"Well, in that case , why should'nt i take the referral money from my company ? "

"Ohhhh , ha ha ha .. true true sir .. Ok , nice speaking to you "

"I know , its always nice speaking to me , though i am not sure whether its the same the other way around"

I disconnected my call and took a deep breath . Whats more worser that my own company recruiting from all around the globe , but i wont get the right chance ?

Well, Mr.Phenomenon , its always been like that for you , isnt it ? I tried to smile at myself . This time i avoided the girl next to me and instead , turned right .


She smiled back at me . I dropped my smile .

"Hi " She said in a soft voice .

"Hi" . I had to respond

"Are you from Chennai ? Going where ? "

The train has passed Erode and the next stop is Covai . I cant go to California in this train (Thats where all others in the new project would be going to ) . Fuck off old lady .

"Yes , from Chennai to Covai "

She gave me a broad smile . I tried to concentrate back on my book .

"Are you working or studying in Chennai ?"

"Yes , working , at XXX Corp ,as network engineer" .
Not as great as it sounds , all i do is suck some American dicks .

"Ohh .. thats great . Are you malayalee ? "

"Yes , i am from Palakkad " I gave the answer to avoid the next probable question .

"Where in Palakkad? " Her eyebrows shooted up showing her anxiety .

"Well , we were settled in the town , near Manapullikkavu , now we moved to Nemmara"..

"Ohh , is it .. thats so great . we are also from Palakkad " She pointed to the seat in front which was crowded with so many old women .

"Oh great ,. where are you in Chennai? " I had to ask something .

"Well , we are settled in Chennai for about 30 years now , now we are going to Alathur , you know Alathur right ? Thats where my 'tharavadu' is . From there we will go to Thrissur . My younger sister's , daughter's son is getting married " She said in one breath .

"Oh ., thats great"

"I knew you were a malayalee" She smiled as if being a malayalee was the best thing on earth .

"Malayalees can always recognise each other , there is some sixth sense between us"

No one needs a sixth sense to identify a fair , curly haried guy in a Covai express as a malayalee . But still i gave an expression as if to appreciate her sixth sense capabilities .

'Hasili Fisilie rasavadi , un siripilum ...'Girl next to me increased the volume of her China made mobile . Now no one could even hear the train's sound . I felt better so that i can avoid the conversation now .

She patted on my back . There is no stopping a old lady from continuing a conversation.

"Tamil people , no manners , right ?" She gave me a bad face .

I didnt know what to say . I am stuck in between two far ends of a very confusing species called as females . I smiled , which i have learned as the best way to deal with a woman .

"Well .. what is your parents doing ? " Next question

"My father is no more , he was an advocate . My mother retired as Joint director of education and my sister is a lawyer " . I pressed the buzzer and gave the perfect answer in one go .

"Ohh, thats great " She looked excited . I gave a puzzled look

"I mean , i am sorry about your father . These things happen to all good families " She looked down depressed .

Who the fuck told her that ours is a wonderful family ? It just sounds so great.. thats all ..


"And your sister ., she is married , right ? "

"Yea , my nephew is 5 years old " I knew where this was going .

"Thats so great , so where did you study "

"I studied in Chinamaya VIdyalaya "

"Chinmaya ? Which one ? In pallavur " ?

I nodded yes .

"Ohhh wow .... Do you know Bharathi teacher ? She was a principal there ? "

Volcanos erupted inside my head . Do i know her ? Well , she sill never forget my name . I remember the day when she was crying like a little kid in front of all the other teachers and the 5 of us inside the Principals room . "I will never forget you , or what you have done today " I still remember she telling us , with a trembling voice .

For all those who thought that those words have come out of joy , please correct yourself . It was completely the other way around . I will write a different post on that story later .

"Yea , i do " i said softly to my female pal in train .

"Ohhh wow .... " She jumped towards the seat infront of her to catch her relatives . She wanted to tell the whole world about her discovery called as ME . Surprisingly , she stopped on half the way and came back to me .

"Btw , what did you say your name is ? " She sounded really serious this time .

"Pheno" I said

"No no , your full name "

OK , so that was it . I knew this was coming . Malayalee - Palakkad - Unmarried - Well settled family - Good looking (Although most of the factors except the locations are not entirely true in reality)


I looked at her face. She looked like a little kid awaiting permission from her dad to go for playing. This was the last and the most important thing that she wanted to know .

"Menon - Pheno Menon"

"Wow " ... She burst in to joy . She jumped two seats in one go pulling me in her one hand , and we reached right in middle of the entire family .

"Meet PhenoMenon , Bharathi's student , computer engineer " Everyone looked at the new arrival .

I prayed no one would ask about my salary . I kinda enjoyed the attention that i recieved , let them think i am like the other engineer brothers who earned a lakh a month .

" You know we Menon's all understand each other so well "
Another woman who is more older than my pal , took my hand and said . May be Manoj Nite Shyamalan was inspired from this family while making 'The Sixth Sense' .



The events that followed , included me being introduced to each of the family members , and their history , and how we are all distant relatives , and how similar i looked like Santhosh (Ok , i suppose he is some guy in their family) . I finally managed to leave without a family phone number exchange . Thanks to the universal 'i wana go to the bathroom' excuse .

I never went back to my seat , i just stood there near the door . I could see them chatting and pointing at me . I hurried out as the train stopped in Covai .

I wondered whether i made a mistake by not giving the number . The last thing that i want will be a enquiry about me to Bharathi teacher.



Well , the moral of the story is that , if you have to choose between two estrogen filled tanks , go for the youngest one .

The simplest definition of life !

You cry for no reason ...

You are angry for not getting that pink colored doll ...

You are shy because she is looking at you ...

You are afraid because you are making love for the first time ...

You are the happiest person in the world because you have a child ...

You give her the best kiss in the world - your daughter has passed with flying colors ....

You feel like being the best man in the world , her happiness is our happiness ..

You are the best grandfather in the world ... Doesn't he look like my wife ?

You feel tired , but her hands give me a lot of support ...

You know its gona be over soon....





The moment of life ...


I lived a fucking great life ... i loved every moment that i lived ...


I loved my life ... It was so great !!







The simplest definition of life - "I loved my life"

Another dR day !

Im Drunk ,

So i can write i whatever i want ....

"
When i seee you , i run out of words to say ..

i wouldnt leave you , coz you are that type of girl , to make me stay

I see the guys tryna holla , girl i don wana bother you ..

Coz you are INDEPENDANT , and you got MY attention ... "

Ketttooodiiii ?? Patti ????

Song - contnues

"Can i be your baby father , girl i just wana show you ..

That i love what you are doing hah ..

I see you in the club , you getting down good ...

I WANA GET WITH YOU "

But what can i do with that ? There are better Irish and scottish and richer guys than me ... Fuck that .. Let me continue singing ...

"You are so beautiful ., so DAMN beautiful....

I said , you are so beautiful ., so (Fucking) damn so beautiful ....

So beautiful ... beautiful ... "


Ok , none of the people who are gona comment here ask me why i am so depressed with love . Ask that B**ch ... Why cant she just tell me that she wana live with me ??

OK , relax Menon , after all , love is kinda beautiful thing , and you are not good when it comes to making a good lover .

I was screwing the bedsheet when i first did it !

I have no clue why i said that now . Its just a advice for people like my friend Jupiter who are gona get married ,and who have never done 'THAT' .

Sex apart , i am stopping this bullshitting now , i cannot be focused all this 'love thing now , got better things to do in life . Im going to Landmark to buy books ..

C ya

Btw , whats wrong in screwing the bedsheet ? It was so dark afterall !

The Blank moment

Have you guys ever experienced the blank moment ?

Blank moment : A terminology invented/discovered by PhenoMenon at about 7:34 IST , Oct 12 , 2009 . Its a time when the time vanishes .

Its 7:00 PM on a monday evening . You check google calendar , the to-do list . There are several things to be done , like buying books , studying the rapid spanning tree protocol , look for a job abroad , look for short film festivals , look for screenwriting courses ... ohh! there are many things to be done

My friend wants to use my PC - That makes 70% of the to-do activities in-valid.

I gotta get ready and leave to office at about 8:30

90 minutes . What shall i do in the next 90 minutes ?

It has to be productive . So ,take out the options of watching porn or TV

Read a book ? Ok , lets do that from 8-8.30

Now there is 60 minutes left . Now what ?

Look at me in the mirror . I am a good looking man , oh yeah . Who is that model in 'Indian Terrain' ? Diya told me that i look like him .

Whats that asoles name ? Its not Ranbir Kapoor . , something else

Rannbir Kapoor has got a beard these days , and he says he is not yet committed to Deepika and all that bullshit .

You know what , now that reminds me of doing something . I gotta shave

These days i always shave in the saloon . May be i should but a new trimmer .


There is about 50 minutes left .





"Sorry sir , romba busy a erukkaen , 30 mins appram vaanga sir " .



Go translate that , the only clue i can give is that it is tamil .


45 minutes ???


Let me stand on this corner of the road . There is a big cut-out of actor 'Jai' to the left of me .. and the 'cigerrate shop' to the right .

Cigarratte shop has a husband and wife . They have a son who is studying in 9th standard , but poor boy is bad in mathematics .

Why am i wasting my time thinking about them ?

Now what ? 35 minutes ?

There is nothing in my mind now . There is nothing i go to do now . My life is on a complete stand still .There are vehicles going on , there is a very bad looking woman walking past me , there is something and all . But i cannot think about anything ...

The Blank Moment .

Let me look up . Sky . Stars .

I dont believe this . There still exist Sky , and stars . Oh god .. I really did forget about them . I have never seen them for , what , lets say , 10 years ?

When was the last time you looked at a star?

There is not just one , there are plenty . Plenty of them . Man! This is amazing ., i feel so good . I mean , i just realised that i am a man , a human being , a animal , or some stupid biological creature .

I wanted to be an astonomer when i was a kid . I was in love with stars . I always wanted to discover a meteor .

How did i miss you all these years ??





People are staring at me . They saw a man staring at sky in the middle of the road.



I suddenly realised that its almost 7:55 now . Where did the time go? Oh god , where did it go ?





The Blank moment .


Trust me , its a amazing experience .

Letters , Words ,Aimlessness ,Confusions and Love

What happens when someone starts writing something with no aim , no plans , no ideas ?

I love a girl , but I cannot be with her . Why ? I don’t know .

I like network engineering , I like talking to Americans .

I am in love with cinemas ., nothing gives me more pleasure than making films .

I am the most confused soul in the world

I go for jogging everyday

I get stomach pains whenever I get tensed

Past one week was the most disturbing time in my life in recent times .

I was a happy man till I fell for her , I was even more happier when I was with her , now that I decided to break up with her , I am shattered .

Don’t worry Menon , you will get over this .

I know where it all started , that was when I told her that I want to break up this relation .

My tears stop at the edge of my eyes , I cant cry . Its been ages since I have cried .

I am thinking of all the dirtiest things possible about her with the misconception that I would hate her eventually

I feel there is nothing better than her in this world

I LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOVEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUU …. I feel like screaming …..

I am a fucked up Devdas

What is that I want in life ?

I don’t want to go to UAE . Please mom , pleaseee , don’t force me

I want to do Film making course in LFS. It costs around 32 L, INR . I realize that it is just a dream , it will never happen .

The most important thing in this world is money

I realize that she is going to get another man soon . With her charm , beauty and smartness , that will be very easy for her .

God , please let me cry … please

I cant blame her . She is not like me , she is a very practical person .Why should she stay committed to a assole like me ?

I need to understand something here . No One in this world can understand Menon . I don’t expect that to happen .

What does love mean ? Does it mean , understanding someone truly ? Why cant she understand me ?

"What you expect Menon ? How can I understand you ? How long I can wait for you ? You were never bothered about me . I didn’t want to screw my life being with you , so I decided to be with this person . He is nice , normal man , who loves me , unlike you ."

Do you guys think I am mad ?

What is that I want in life ?

I think i am mad.

I want to be a film maker , I want to make many beautiful films

I want to write beautiful stories

I want to be rich and powerful … Oooooh., nothing is better than that

If you have money 80% of your problems are solved

I miss you my dear , I will never forget you . I LOVE YOU , I really do , right from the bottom of my heart ..

I can live without you , I can live as long as I have my dreams

But still I love you

I want to go abroad and study the best in the film making industry

The song Bas Ek Pal , is repeating for atleast 12^th time now .I am not bored. I am not doped .

Menon , I told you many times not to fall in love . You cant handle it . All your manliness , all your strength all your everything , just fades away . Still you took that chance . Its your mistake . You should have never tried that .Never !!

Letters , words – They are magical . When your fingertips touch the keyboard , it’s a beautiful feeling . Can I just keep writing till the end of my life ? If some one asks me , what is that aspect that you are 100% sure in the world . My answer would be instantaneous . I love writing . No no , writing is in love with me .Unconditionally . I can feel it , everytime , in MSWord , in that A4 sheet or even the bedsheet or wall where I scribble random things .

I want to write , I want to write till the end of my life .

Thank you Sindhu Teacher . Thank you for calling up my mom , and telling her that her son in 7th standard is a wonderful writer . If you have never said that , i would have never wrote any more , i would have never felt this happiness .

I don’t want to stop here , I want to write more , please ., why is that there should be an ending to every writing ? Pleassee …. Let me write ….

Love - Pain in the a$$

Yet again , i am worried , confused and drunk .

Let me come straight in to the point , i kinda like a girl these days . When i say like , i am not sure if i am in love or anything ,may be because i dont really believe in it .

The thing is that , she is pretty awesome . Hot,intelligent and smart ! Whats more ,she is younger than me , of my same caste/creed and has similar attitude towards life . So we were going out pretty happily for past 5-6 months .

Now , there is a problem . She has left India , and probably we wont be seeing for next 1-2 years . Oops !

I am pretty happy that she is happy down there (well,i am bit jealous as well , as i have never been outside India) .I would want her to enjoy her life and have fun .

BUT . I feel bit uncomfortable these days . I feel that she would go on to find some one better , some one who would give her a lot of surprises and gifts (which i never did) , and ultimately , she would have physical relationship with him !!

I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!

I am heart broken . , and i am like "Why does the bitch have to doooo thhaat??? "

Ok , wait a minute . She is a good woman ., and she is not that bitchy kind .Why am i overdoing things here ?

I never proposed her , though i always knew she would accept it . I did not do that coz, i never believed in long distance relations . As my friend 'lineproducer' told me yesterday ,-"Out of sight is like Out of Mind" .

And there is another reason why i did not propose . I wanted to have sex with many women before i marry.

So look at me now . I really like this girl , but i am afraid of getting on to commitment . And more over , i would want to give her that time and space rather than taking a hasty decision . So i am not committed , and i dont worry about her .

But its not like that .Coz i am thinking about her a lot these days . Fuck it ! Moreover , i am not really feeling like going out with another girl !! In short , everything is screwed !

Sighhhh.....

Ok , my decision is correct . Let her live her life , and if she finds a better guy , let her be with him .It would have been worser if that happened after we got committed . Btw , lets pray she never finds anyone better .

I am not going to try some other girl(atleast for now) . I dont feel like doing it ., im fucking getting old , and i have a lot more important things to do in life .

The simplest way that a man can be happy , is by having a unconditional relationship with a woman .You dont lose anything by loving some one .., despite what she gives in return .Go watch Forrest Gump today .

There are lot more things happening in my life these days . Will let you know .

I feel so very better after writing this . Nothing gives me more pleasure than writing .

I am going to reduce my 'profanity' (interesting word eh? ) Let me change some alphabets to '$' symbol !

Finally , after several nights and days ...

One Night Stand is over !

Thats right , my short film 'one night stand' is completed .It took around 4 months ! Ohhhh .. Thats just for a 12 min short film . I cant imagine what will happen when i make a feature film !

And i need to thank several people (and almighty)here . If i start to list them , i am sure i will miss some one . So if you are reading this and if you know that you have helped , please take my sincere thanks . I would not have reached here without you .

I am thinking about how to proceed . I am financially stuck ,so i would need to wait till next month to make proper DVD copies and stuff . , but before that i will have to send copies to all my well wishers .

If you ask me whether i am happy - I am . It was my big , long time dream . But then again , i am not satisfied with the film as such . I have made several mistakes and frankly , its not an impressive movie . I dont know why i am degrading my own movie , but whats the point in over hyping it just like all other film makers ? Black is black and white is white ,even if you defend it .

But having said that , i think this is an impressive effort from a person who have absolutely no experience in film making . I have really struggled in the making , of all sorts , and i am happy its visible .., some how .

Confusing post ? I am a confused man . So live with it !

The Struggling Film maker -

Before 2-3 months ,i was on a chat with my friend 'invent' ( ofcourse all about films and film making ). I told him about one of my stories 'One Night Stand' and before i finished , he told me .., "Lets make it , i will share half the production cost " .

That's how it started , and here i am 2-3 months down the line , with almost 70% of the film done.I'm happy that i have reached so far , and i am sure that i will go ahead and complete it no matter what comes ahead ., but still i feel a bit down due to all the unnecessary yet inevitable delays (contradicting eh ? let it be ).

So here i go , i am going to share with you on all my experiences till now and what happens to my short film ..(whatever may it be ) .

Episode 1 : The Beginning - Script , Screenplay and DP

To start with , i consulted a few of my friends who have experience in film making , and asked them whether i am capable enough to direct a short film . And with all the confidence they gave , i decided to give it a shot .

Me and Invent went to visit a studio which he knew , and then discussed about the cam and other costs . We planned the whole thing and our cost came around 15 K . That's great ," i can spend 7.5 K ", we both said together ...

OK ,now i had the task of writing script and screenplay . It took me around 10 days and about 150 cigarettes to complete a 14 page screenplay (may be the font size was large) . But still i had a proper screenplay , with even cam angles !

Now the next task was to find a cameraman or DP or cinematographer or whatever you call that man who look very serious on set . I again went through my set of friends and saw a lot of profiles and checked out their works , . Thats how i came across CamSat . He was introduced to me by one of my friends Vicky . I arranged a meeting with CamSat and called up another friend ModAr , and we met up on one fine evening . I showed my screenplay to them . When ModAr , as expected was more into the production costs and the marketing stratergies and other things about how to sell this 'product' , CamSat sat back and quietly read the script . I kept looking at him , but he never looked at me , which made me happy ,as i knew he was still reading it .

Finally , he kept all the papers inside the file , and looked at me and said . "Thats interesting plot , lets do it " . I smiled , and ModAr shook his head .

When CamSat left , ModAr asked me a very important question . "He is a proffessional ,just completed a feature film as DP., doesnt he expect something ?I mean financially?" ... That question left me worried . I knew he was the guy who can do it , but my budget plan do not have a space called 'remuneration for cameraman' . I nervously called up CamSat and asked him politely . "Do you expect anything , ehh.. like remuneration" . He laughed for sometime and told me "Dont worry , lets do it , then if you find anything left in your budget , let me know "

I didnt know how to thank him ..,even at this point i dont know how to !


Next episode : Actor Hunt .

Deserted .

Times are changing , things are getting different in my life .

Somewhere from my early teens ., i always have had one or the other girl to hang around , dream , touch-feel , and make romantic conversations over phone .

Past 2-3 months , i am experiencing a relay withdrawal of girls from my life . One after the other , they all do not want to be with me any more . One or two i was really pissed off , as i never thought that they would do it ., or else i was a bit too confident of myself that i expected them always to hang around me . But i was wrong (i should be ) .

I got upset and tried to make new relation(s) . I always used to be pretty good (thank god) in making a new connection whenever i want . But i dont know why , this time , among 4-5 i tried , i must admit that i succeeded in hardly one .

Now thats strange . I used to succeed in these kinda things in the past . Or else it was my hobby .And its hard to digest this now . I was trying to find what was wrong with me , did i become too bad looking , or too boring or too poor ?

I called up thulu one day , and we had a very strange talk (details of which i cannot say in here) . ,and then Pratz ., i know they are both my good friends ., and it was them who made me think again .

The problem is not my looks or my smartness ., the problem is my Ego . Yea , it is . I have no reason why i need a relationship or a girlfriend (probably except the physical factor) ., and it is just for the sake of telling myself , 'hey dude , you have lot of girlfriends , you are cool ' that i am looking for a girl . That is so pathetic .

When i look at those who left in recent past ., atleast 3 or 4 of them wanted to marry me , and it is once they realised that it is never gona work out , that they left me . I expected them never to leave me and stick behind me even if they find a better guy . Oh cmon pheno , you are no hrithik roshan ! :P

Beyond all this there are a couple of reasons more that i see .

I am not very interested in flirting around and wasting time going behind girls . If they come for me , thats fine (Ha Ha , now stop laughing ) . I think its a matter of growing up . Am i getting a small realisation that i am not any more a silly college guy ?

The other reason is what is scaring me . I post all these things in here ., and then i have a link running from my orkut profile . I can see more and more hits on my blog ., and i am pretty very sure that a lot of people are looking in to all his crap . Are these girls staying away , because they have realised how bad a guy i am ! ?

If thats the case , i have two words for ya ! F off !! This is what PhenoMenon is , and this is what i will be ., if you cant take me like this , then you cant take me any time .

But still i get a feeling that i should take that link off my profile . I am not blogging to have a lot of readers enlightened ., or expecting that a publisher would come in and ask me to write a book ., but i do this because i love writing . And as i have said in my first post ., i need to express myself somewhere .

I know this is another boring post . I do not have many interesting things happening around me these days . WTF

Btw , even though i have poured out all this sentiments , i will tell you something ., i will still carry on hunting for girls ., hot girls ., and lets hope i would hook up with one soon . Pray for me guys !! :P :D

Birthday Bumps and a realisation .

September 16 .

Hah! Its my birthday guys . Fuck . 24 years old ., i am almost an uncle , am i not ?

So what happened last year . Hmm ...,what ? Well, nothing much happened . And we should speak about last years on the new year day , and not on a bday , right ?

Oggay , so what else , what happened in past 24 years ? Psss .. thats even more boring .

Well what happened today could be a bit more interesting . My Bday started being heavily drunk, and the usual bumps (don't understand which bastard discovered that fuck all practice) and like every other bday boy , i cant walk properly now .

Well , i did cut a cake , though it was not a typical bday cake , i did cut one which my friend bought from home when he came back after Onam. Now , why that was special for me is because i don't remember cutting cakes for my bday in recent times . Such stuff are for gals and kids ,we would rather save that money and get one more bottle of alcohol . right guys ?

So , i started expecting calls and messages . That was when this bday was a bit different . I give a fuck about people calling me and wishing , and i seriously do not believe in such formalities , but its just that i have got used to it over the years .So this time too i expected a few calls .

But i didnt get many ! actually i got only 2-3 at around 12 midnight , and all 3 of them were not from people who usually calls me . I was really happy for that i have people other than the usual ones remembering my bday ., but i was kinda pissed off why the usual guys didnt call .

I tried to forget it and get on with my alcohol ,but i couldnt . Damn ., how could they forget my bday .

That is when i realised how bad i had been over the years . I dont remember any of my friends birthday . Why friends , i seriously is not sure of my mother/sister/father's bithdays . What a bloody asshole i am !

Now., was i getting it all back? I know its not because of it that my friends didnt call me , and they do not expect it from me . May be the bday calendar didnt ring for them or their mobile got switched off or something , but unfortunately , None called ! NO ONE called me damn it !

"Oh , cmon man , you are not gona cry over this , grow up " , You guys dont have to tell this to me , because i have never been such a sentimental ass . But i have just realised that , probably there is some necessity to give importance to lesser things in life .Though i am still too lazy to create a birtday calendar .

I finally called up thulu and blasted her for not calling me . Poor girl , she felt bad . Thats ok , she deserves to feel bad . LOL .

And ashez and few others called up today morning , but still there are loads missing . There still is some time left in the day , lets hope they all will make it before i am over 24 .

Note(s) Added :
1#This post was supposed to be done yesterday , but i was too lazy to do that .So just take this as if i have posted it on September 16 , 8 pm . (And nothing much happened after that , i went home , smoked and slept )

2#Those who called me an uncle ,because i have turned one more year older , and more because i have a mustache now , need to understand something . I am trying whether i can really have a mustache like south Indian superstars , which seems to be far off possibility after 3 weeks of mustache cultivation , and hence i may go shave soon .., And i cant do a fuck about growing older and older every year . Damn it .

A Loser Hero and couple of prostitutes !

Prostitutes .

Very interesting subject . No no , i dont write porn here , so those who opened this link for some steamy encounters can close it right away .

So , for the rest ,this is a story about a loser (only in this aspect) and his encounters with prostitutes .

Well ,you are desperately horny and being a normal unmarried south indian , you have two options .
1#Get a girlfriend , screw her .

2#Go for a prostitute .

So , which one is better option ? I know you picked 1# .

But there are problems with 1# , as it has two subdivisions as well
1#
a)Your girllfriend do not give a damn about relationships , and is only interested in sex .

b)Your girlfriend , believes you , trusts you , and hopes that you will marry her .


Well, there lies the problem . Our hero here ,fortunately gets many girlfriends , but unfortunately they all turn out to be belonging to 1 b) ,or our hero thinks so. And our loser hero is a bit too light hearted that he dont want to make anyone unhappy just for sex.

Loser hero , do not want to get married or committed , but want to screw someone somehow .

So , such a condition , tempted our hero to go for option 2# . See , you dont make any one unhappy ,and there is no commitments . And whats more ,you are probably helping some one to earn a few bucks ., and more than everything , you are a MAN , finally !

Thats how the two encounters happened , one 2-3 years back , when hero was on a tour .

Lets brief the events that day .

Hero tempted all his friends to go for a girl , hero guided them and took them , hero paid for 2 of them , and hero went first .

But before going in , hero got a promise from everyone . We are not going to Fuck(literally) , lets see how a girl body would look ,and go back .

Agreed .

Everyone except hero screwed her in and out , and before hero realised that its not very clever to make promises with drunk guys , hero was out of money and time , and hence ., nothing happend . Well , NOTHING happened .

But hero was in full of tensions as he regretted what he did , and wondered whether he would get some STD's . Hero even went on to meet a doctor , and was afraid of going for a blood test . Poor guy . He then decided , that he will never ever pay for sex again .

Now , today , hero had to partially break that promise .

Hero never again tried for a pro(not proffesional pro , its prostitute pro . Interesting similarity though) , but today , hero's roommate , wanted to screw some one very desperately . Now he being a master in this buisness ., just took him an hour before he got her home , and unfortunately hero was home too .

Hero thought about it for sometime , and though not really horny then,desperation of a virgin, forced him to give a try .

Event inside the room detailed .

Hero goes in - locks the door -takes a look -pathetic lady- sits next to her - holds her - she kisses hero - hero moves away - hero asks her to undress - hero's tom dick and harry still not showing any interest - she tries to catch something and make hero interested - hero says thats enough - unlocks the door - hero goes out .


I dont have to add the fact that , room mate went in and had a great time . But now lets come back to hero .

Hero is sad as well as happy . Happy for the reason that he did not do anything , just saw her nude , and probably touched each other . Hero did not pay for sex this time , just had a little bit of fun , thats all .

Sad because , even if partially , he had to break his promise . And he is still afraid of STD's . Will they transmit if you touch the person ? I mean , just touch !? Oh cmon , we are all educated and we know there's no harm , but then its not that fear that is hurting him , its the regret . Its so unfortunate that hero is a hero and hence a good man .

Loser hero has promised himself that he will not even go near any pro's ever in life time . But will he keep his promise ? I think so , because this time he is not just afraid , he is very confident , and this decision is taken , not for making him happy for the time being , but because , hero knows that he do not want to do this .

Our Hero is a Loser , but he is still our hero isnt it ?

And do you guys know what ? Its good to call yourself a hero at times , but its not that cool when you call urself a loser every now n then !!

Im in Chennai !

Yea , thats correct . I moved to chennai last week .

Why ? How ? When ? What ? Damn ! WTF ! IGAF (i give a fuck) .. , Now , what ever your feelings may be , the fact of the matter is that i got a better job here and hence i moved . Certain other factors like , having a lot of friends and script writing aspirations etc , helped me to make my decision easy .

I seriously miss my friends there in cochin . My roommate musicdirector , thulu, the romatic couple , the funny couple , my colleagues , my fuck all owner , the alcohol (it sucks here) , the chiks (mallus are the hottest , you know that!) ,girlfriends (OK , thats a lie , i am happy that i lost contact ) ., the rains (some kids i met here do not understand what that is ) ., the beef and porotta , the kallu shop and everything . But , then , i know that things need to change in life some day or the other .

And now , speaking about chennai , i arrived here on wednesday (hey , my company paid for my air ticket ! , isnt that cool ? ! ) and almost immediately started sweating ,. and till this moment, sitting in an airconditioned cyber cafe , it has not stopped . Now thats chennai for you !

I am happy about my stay here ., good independent big house , where me , cuckoo , panchvipaas and D lives . Though these are the regular members , we have more people in our place almost everyday . Our home is a true 24 X 7 station , as there are people awake all the time .

There are loads of things that i want to write about , but i cant find much time these days . I hope to get the internet connection and stuff ready by next month . , So till then ., regular updations will be difficult . (But hey , i cant stop writing , and this is the only place i write these days , so i will be here sooner or later ) ..

And to all those who were awaiting honey moon trip part two , sorry for the delay , i was busy with the shifting and stuff , will get it done soon !

And to all chennai'tes ,
I agree that i cant pronounce O properly , but remember that its ZERO and not GERO !

The Honeymoon trip and a bottle of Vodka (Part 1)

Last weekend will be unforgettable for me , something strange yet so fantastic happened .

I went down for a trip with 2 honeymoon(not exactly) couples .

Ha Ha , Look at me , laugh at me and ask me , What the Fuck are you doing in there !

But trust me guys , it was so so good , and i am sure that they enjoyed my company as well .

So one fine evening , few of my very good friends , call me up and tell me that we are going for a trip . But the 'we' included 3 guys and 3 gals , where there are 2 couples which leaves me and thulu.

Thulu didn't want to come ,personal reasons .

So i tried my best to slip away ., but couldn't ., and hence here we are ., one SUV , one very romantic couple at the back seat , one really funny couple in the centre , and me and driver bj upfront . Wow !

Wheels roll , bj the driver is so focussed that he hardly speaks anything , though i tried to talk to him about crappy vehicle related stuff like how much does a scorpio cost and what is the maximum distance he has driven . , until finally he gave me a face which suggested 'oh, cmon , shut the fuck mate , let me drive and you mind your buisness '

So i thought of looking back and probably tease the couples , or atleast have some common discussions ., but i soon realised they were not really bothered

Mr and Mrs romance were busy redefining romance , and i was like , "alright , you are meeting after a long interval , and this is probably the only chance to , errr , you know ... have fun :-P "

And Mr and Mrs A , were in some other world that they have invented for all the couples in the world of love , where they break up every 180 seconds and then hook up in another 120 seconds . So if you happen to be his good friend , and if you are with them in between these 120 seconds , you are really pissed !! Big time , coz before you think about the reason for the break up and the chances of getting it right , there they are , standing right in front of you , " Ohhh chweety , i love you ... "

And you look at yourself and asks , " Is the earth revolving around you or that you are revolving around the earth "

So here i am , reading a milestone which says 130 kms to destination , and wondering what to do !

And that is when i found her , so beautiful , so hot , so pure and so lovable , right in front of me .So gentle , so innocent , her curves making any artist jealous .

And her silky white top told me her name





White Mischeif Vodka




"Jab se tere nainaaaa .. meri naino se , bhaage reeee ...

Tab se diwaana hua , sabse pe gaana hua , rab bhi diwaana lagi reee ... Ho oooh oooo ... "




(to be continued)