# Wanted to live in a foreign country (not middle east).
# Wanted to be with female friends all around me, having fun and partying.
# Never wanted to be in a relationship.
None of the above worked for me. I am haunted by this, always , and i think these are the reasons why i am not happy at all.
The first one was never pursued becoz my brain told me that this is where i have a future. And also , did not have enough money.
Second one never worked out with me. I coould not cheat , i could not take sex easy , and thus I could not sleep with many women., i feel like a loser.
Third one , i dont know why it happened. I dont even know if i am in love. But i care for her , i wants her to be happy, i dont like her compromising anything for me, i just cant make her sad.
The bottom line is that i dont know how i can make myself happy. Tried so many different things in life , even now i am trying my level best to 'understand others' , 'understand that life is like this' ,'understand that no one is happy' , 'understand that its all mind games' ... whatever the fuck , i am not happy ,and thats it.
Fucking hell .. those dreams of mine will never be achieved. Those were the things one can do when they are young... and im over that age...
Anyways , forget it .. life has to move on . Atleast i will try my level best to contribute something to this world . May be my dreams did not work out , but i will try to make others come true , and try to find pleasure in watching them...
Showing posts with label pisdoff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pisdoff. Show all posts
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Being jealous , and being sick about it.
Its about 6 AM on a cold friday morning in Chennai.I have not properly slept for past 36 hours or so. This night , i was working. Sitting in my office , with about 100 cubicles around me , all empty. Nothing else , other than me and the desktop with two monitors. Atleast there were two monitors . I consider them as my companions.., "i ain't alone" ,i proudly say to the reflection on the window panels.
I came back home at about 5 , as i felt i needed some sleep. Rolled over in bed, could not get sleep.Tried to cry ,tears dont come out. Fuck , i cant even cry..(well, its been so for a long time now) .. And here i am , this is the only place i can escape to , whenever i am in trouble., my writing desk, and my wonderful blog , which i am so glad that no one is reading , so that i can write freely in here , more or less like my diary.
Any one want to know why i was trying to cry ? Yeah , partially because i was not able to sleep, but more because i feel so bloody low. I talked to this person who is one of the most important people of my life , some one whom i love so much, and hate as well. The hate factor is actually being built from my 'feeling low' state ., and the other way , some sort of a vicious circle it forms by itself.
After ages of accusing that person for my own pathetic being , i am starting to realise that the real problem lies within me , and not her(ok,i have given away the gender suspense of my character). It all comes down to one simple word , 'Jealousy'. I am so fucking jealous of the life that she has.,and i feel so terrible about the life that i have. I have listened to you all, i have tried to understand that everyone would feel so.. i have told to myself a 100 thousand time that , "you are doing good".
But ., i am sorry., i am just not able to convince myself. I have tried to show off to everyone how wonderful i am. I have a decent job , i earn well , i take care of my mother, i am being a good brother , great at work , gets appreciation from managers and colleagues , runs a small business of my own, has made a short film, writes decently ., and so on. But even when i say this , to which everyone , including her,accepts , but yet on the back of my mind , i know that i am not living the life that she is. She may not have any of which mentioned above , but she lives with friends., she lives in Europe(a place which i have always dreamt of being to) , and she parties every week. All that she bothers is about shopping , meeting and partying with friends , trips and so on. Lets take the 'she' off here , as i feel i am blaming her , and lets make it 'they' . Now , if you look at them , they all have a international degree as well , and would obviously end up in a high profile job. Ok , the toughness of getting job and all that crap would be there , but at the end of the day , they would all end up having same or better salary than me.Where as , i have struggled to reach here. I mean , i studied in India, in a engineering college , with a educational loan , where i had to struggle day in and day out , living the ordinary life of any other mid-level college student.I had my own share of fun , but it was nothing like this.One major mistake , one simple yet big mistake that i made on those days , which i feel has turned around my life from good-bad , was the fact that i did not take my campus interviews seriously. One mistake , and it took me about 3 years to recover my life from that single simple mistake.
While i say all this , let me make one more thing clear. If Gods are reading this , please skip. I am very glad about what you have given me from time to time. Good health , good family , good friends , good job , everything.The problem i have has got nothing to do with Gods ., and i sincerely hope that they would forgive me for this sick jealousy that i have developed. Not just Gods , i cant blame anyone . I dont want others, whom i am jealous of., to do bad , i want all to be happy , but still i am so sad that i dont have the happiness that they have.
The way they live , is what i wanted. Living in Europe with guys and gals together , studying in super good college with little work , partying and having fun , and once it ends , get a good job , and settle with family.
So why didnt it happen for me like that ? I am 26 now , and i am almost out of my 'young' ages. These things will not happen to me ever again , i have missed the chance , and it makes me feel more sick.
May be because of the choices i made in life. I always wanted to do everything by my own. And thank God, i have achieved things., but never made it to the heights i wanted.i thought of staying away and being focussed on my career and future , and here i am , at the verge of being an uncle , and looking pathetically back at a young age which could have been well used and enjoyed . What have i gained by being planned and being dedicated and hard working ? What have i gained by taking the tough route than the easy one ? Nothing ! No fucking thing !!
I have lived a tough life , a very tough one where nothing came easy for me. I had to struggle and earn each and everything that i have today. I hate to see others who get it easy. One big question that looms over me day in and day out is "When i have worked harder , better than others .., why do they have a better life than me ?"
However , i have decided to stop whining. It is just making me look even more pathetic. I am going to accept the small life i had/have , and enjoy it to the level best.I know i would never get the life that they are living , but there is nothing much i can do about it now.It was all my decisions/priorities that took me here. I would work hard , and i may achieve something when i am old and ugly , but that i dont think will replace the young life that i have lost.
Thanks to my blog , i feel better now. I hope no one reads this , because i am not sure how people would interpret this. Even if one of you from 'them' reads this , please understand that even though i am jealous of what you have , i would only pray for you to be happy , and wish you to have that forever .
I came back home at about 5 , as i felt i needed some sleep. Rolled over in bed, could not get sleep.Tried to cry ,tears dont come out. Fuck , i cant even cry..(well, its been so for a long time now) .. And here i am , this is the only place i can escape to , whenever i am in trouble., my writing desk, and my wonderful blog , which i am so glad that no one is reading , so that i can write freely in here , more or less like my diary.
Any one want to know why i was trying to cry ? Yeah , partially because i was not able to sleep, but more because i feel so bloody low. I talked to this person who is one of the most important people of my life , some one whom i love so much, and hate as well. The hate factor is actually being built from my 'feeling low' state ., and the other way , some sort of a vicious circle it forms by itself.
After ages of accusing that person for my own pathetic being , i am starting to realise that the real problem lies within me , and not her(ok,i have given away the gender suspense of my character). It all comes down to one simple word , 'Jealousy'. I am so fucking jealous of the life that she has.,and i feel so terrible about the life that i have. I have listened to you all, i have tried to understand that everyone would feel so.. i have told to myself a 100 thousand time that , "you are doing good".
But ., i am sorry., i am just not able to convince myself. I have tried to show off to everyone how wonderful i am. I have a decent job , i earn well , i take care of my mother, i am being a good brother , great at work , gets appreciation from managers and colleagues , runs a small business of my own, has made a short film, writes decently ., and so on. But even when i say this , to which everyone , including her,accepts , but yet on the back of my mind , i know that i am not living the life that she is. She may not have any of which mentioned above , but she lives with friends., she lives in Europe(a place which i have always dreamt of being to) , and she parties every week. All that she bothers is about shopping , meeting and partying with friends , trips and so on. Lets take the 'she' off here , as i feel i am blaming her , and lets make it 'they' . Now , if you look at them , they all have a international degree as well , and would obviously end up in a high profile job. Ok , the toughness of getting job and all that crap would be there , but at the end of the day , they would all end up having same or better salary than me.Where as , i have struggled to reach here. I mean , i studied in India, in a engineering college , with a educational loan , where i had to struggle day in and day out , living the ordinary life of any other mid-level college student.I had my own share of fun , but it was nothing like this.One major mistake , one simple yet big mistake that i made on those days , which i feel has turned around my life from good-bad , was the fact that i did not take my campus interviews seriously. One mistake , and it took me about 3 years to recover my life from that single simple mistake.
While i say all this , let me make one more thing clear. If Gods are reading this , please skip. I am very glad about what you have given me from time to time. Good health , good family , good friends , good job , everything.The problem i have has got nothing to do with Gods ., and i sincerely hope that they would forgive me for this sick jealousy that i have developed. Not just Gods , i cant blame anyone . I dont want others, whom i am jealous of., to do bad , i want all to be happy , but still i am so sad that i dont have the happiness that they have.
The way they live , is what i wanted. Living in Europe with guys and gals together , studying in super good college with little work , partying and having fun , and once it ends , get a good job , and settle with family.
So why didnt it happen for me like that ? I am 26 now , and i am almost out of my 'young' ages. These things will not happen to me ever again , i have missed the chance , and it makes me feel more sick.
May be because of the choices i made in life. I always wanted to do everything by my own. And thank God, i have achieved things., but never made it to the heights i wanted.i thought of staying away and being focussed on my career and future , and here i am , at the verge of being an uncle , and looking pathetically back at a young age which could have been well used and enjoyed . What have i gained by being planned and being dedicated and hard working ? What have i gained by taking the tough route than the easy one ? Nothing ! No fucking thing !!
I have lived a tough life , a very tough one where nothing came easy for me. I had to struggle and earn each and everything that i have today. I hate to see others who get it easy. One big question that looms over me day in and day out is "When i have worked harder , better than others .., why do they have a better life than me ?"
However , i have decided to stop whining. It is just making me look even more pathetic. I am going to accept the small life i had/have , and enjoy it to the level best.I know i would never get the life that they are living , but there is nothing much i can do about it now.It was all my decisions/priorities that took me here. I would work hard , and i may achieve something when i am old and ugly , but that i dont think will replace the young life that i have lost.
Thanks to my blog , i feel better now. I hope no one reads this , because i am not sure how people would interpret this. Even if one of you from 'them' reads this , please understand that even though i am jealous of what you have , i would only pray for you to be happy , and wish you to have that forever .
Friday, March 26, 2010
The extramarital affair !!!
Yeah , thats true ... I am involved in an extramarital affair ...
I am married to Network engineering , whom my parents chose . She is lovely , and sexy.I really like her , but , but then ... my love .. Cinema .. I am not able to forget her ...
You know , when i touch the cam , when i design those frames , when i write a dialogue...,you know.., there is no better way to make love in the whole world ...
Now , i am so confused , worried and pissed off . What am i supposed to do ? Yes , for sure i love technology , but do i get an immense feel of comfort when i stand right under the sun at 1 PM in chennai, when i am doing networking ?I doubt it ... Do i feel absolutely nothing for a hot gal ,and see nothing else other than the character , when i am at my desk in office ? I doubt it ...
I dont want to be those people who would turn 60 and tell that , oh god , i could have been a great film maker ... No , NOOOOOOOOOOOO....
But then , can i quit my well paid job , and get my family under debt and lose the girl i want to marry ? No , i cant...
I can tell only one thing my sweetheart cinema .. I will chase you , where ever i go , where ever i reach , i will never leave you,my love for you will never fade...
There will be one day in my life ...When i make you proud with my love ...
I am married to Network engineering , whom my parents chose . She is lovely , and sexy.I really like her , but , but then ... my love .. Cinema .. I am not able to forget her ...
You know , when i touch the cam , when i design those frames , when i write a dialogue...,you know.., there is no better way to make love in the whole world ...
Now , i am so confused , worried and pissed off . What am i supposed to do ? Yes , for sure i love technology , but do i get an immense feel of comfort when i stand right under the sun at 1 PM in chennai, when i am doing networking ?I doubt it ... Do i feel absolutely nothing for a hot gal ,and see nothing else other than the character , when i am at my desk in office ? I doubt it ...
I dont want to be those people who would turn 60 and tell that , oh god , i could have been a great film maker ... No , NOOOOOOOOOOOO....
But then , can i quit my well paid job , and get my family under debt and lose the girl i want to marry ? No , i cant...
I can tell only one thing my sweetheart cinema .. I will chase you , where ever i go , where ever i reach , i will never leave you,my love for you will never fade...
There will be one day in my life ...When i make you proud with my love ...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Post to feel good !
Im not feeling good , so thought of writing something .
Things are all pretty fine , however , i am still not enjoying myself .
I make my life complicated all by myself . May be its a hangover of a pretty bad season ,hope things will be better soon .
I want to get back in to that full fledged - high spirited PhenoMenon., asap .
I am not writing much in here these days , because i feel i am boring you guys , and that is visible by the lesser number of people who visit my blog these days . Am i becoming too serious with life ?
Well , if not here , i am back writing reviews and articles on movies . I have been asked to promote claps and boos in my blog , so check the following links ,
http://www.clapsandboos.com/mindspeak/4b5f016057377d2edd000001
http://www.clapsandboos.com/mindspeak/4b59bd8757377d753f000003
Can some one please tell me how i can be more popular on the blog world ? Till date i have not bothered to promote my blog coz i write here just to get the pleasure of writing . Now i would like to do so .
Other things in life include , being sleepless for past two days , working non stop on one thing or the other , and as always , worried about the gal . OK , i am not going to start writing on anymore 'gal' things , i know i have already dragged it too far .
Is this the most boring post that i ever wrote in this blog ? :P
Things are all pretty fine , however , i am still not enjoying myself .
I make my life complicated all by myself . May be its a hangover of a pretty bad season ,hope things will be better soon .
I want to get back in to that full fledged - high spirited PhenoMenon., asap .
I am not writing much in here these days , because i feel i am boring you guys , and that is visible by the lesser number of people who visit my blog these days . Am i becoming too serious with life ?
Well , if not here , i am back writing reviews and articles on movies . I have been asked to promote claps and boos in my blog , so check the following links ,
http://www.clapsandboos.com/mindspeak/4b5f016057377d2edd000001
http://www.clapsandboos.com/mindspeak/4b59bd8757377d753f000003
Can some one please tell me how i can be more popular on the blog world ? Till date i have not bothered to promote my blog coz i write here just to get the pleasure of writing . Now i would like to do so .
Other things in life include , being sleepless for past two days , working non stop on one thing or the other , and as always , worried about the gal . OK , i am not going to start writing on anymore 'gal' things , i know i have already dragged it too far .
Is this the most boring post that i ever wrote in this blog ? :P
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Mrs Menon in Train
December 24 , Covai Express , 12:30 PM
"Hello , Am i speaking to Pheno Menon" ?
"Yes , who is this ? "
"Sir , we have an opening for network engineer in Chennai, are you looking for a change"
My eyes wide opened - The little girl sitting next gave a nodded response to my smile.
"Oh .. yea , ofcourse .. please go ahead "
"This opening is for network engineer with a reputed MNC in Chennai .They are looking for network engineer with experience in routing , switching , and knowledge in MPLS , you would be sent out to US for a few months of training and .. "
"Wait , which company is it ? "
"Well , this is for XXX Corp sir "
"Hmm , i am not sure whether i would be really interested "
"Why sir , i can guarantee you that they are one of the top companies in India "
"Really ? Then , i dont think their employees would have registered in your portal for a job"
"Sir ... what you mean"
"It means that i am working for them "
"Ohh .. ohh.. Sorry sir ... in that case why dont you refer someone you know " ...
"Well, in that case , why should'nt i take the referral money from my company ? "
"Ohhhh , ha ha ha .. true true sir .. Ok , nice speaking to you "
"I know , its always nice speaking to me , though i am not sure whether its the same the other way around"
I disconnected my call and took a deep breath . Whats more worser that my own company recruiting from all around the globe , but i wont get the right chance ?
Well, Mr.Phenomenon , its always been like that for you , isnt it ? I tried to smile at myself . This time i avoided the girl next to me and instead , turned right .
She smiled back at me . I dropped my smile .
"Hi " She said in a soft voice .
"Hi" . I had to respond
"Are you from Chennai ? Going where ? "
The train has passed Erode and the next stop is Covai . I cant go to California in this train (Thats where all others in the new project would be going to ) . Fuck off old lady .
"Yes , from Chennai to Covai "
She gave me a broad smile . I tried to concentrate back on my book .
"Are you working or studying in Chennai ?"
"Yes , working , at XXX Corp ,as network engineer" .
Not as great as it sounds , all i do is suck some American dicks .
"Ohh .. thats great . Are you malayalee ? "
"Yes , i am from Palakkad " I gave the answer to avoid the next probable question .
"Where in Palakkad? " Her eyebrows shooted up showing her anxiety .
"Well , we were settled in the town , near Manapullikkavu , now we moved to Nemmara"..
"Ohh , is it .. thats so great . we are also from Palakkad " She pointed to the seat in front which was crowded with so many old women .
"Oh great ,. where are you in Chennai? " I had to ask something .
"Well , we are settled in Chennai for about 30 years now , now we are going to Alathur , you know Alathur right ? Thats where my 'tharavadu' is . From there we will go to Thrissur . My younger sister's , daughter's son is getting married " She said in one breath .
"Oh ., thats great"
"I knew you were a malayalee" She smiled as if being a malayalee was the best thing on earth .
"Malayalees can always recognise each other , there is some sixth sense between us"
No one needs a sixth sense to identify a fair , curly haried guy in a Covai express as a malayalee . But still i gave an expression as if to appreciate her sixth sense capabilities .
'Hasili Fisilie rasavadi , un siripilum ...'Girl next to me increased the volume of her China made mobile . Now no one could even hear the train's sound . I felt better so that i can avoid the conversation now .
She patted on my back . There is no stopping a old lady from continuing a conversation.
"Tamil people , no manners , right ?" She gave me a bad face .
I didnt know what to say . I am stuck in between two far ends of a very confusing species called as females . I smiled , which i have learned as the best way to deal with a woman .
"Well .. what is your parents doing ? " Next question
"My father is no more , he was an advocate . My mother retired as Joint director of education and my sister is a lawyer " . I pressed the buzzer and gave the perfect answer in one go .
"Ohh, thats great " She looked excited . I gave a puzzled look
"I mean , i am sorry about your father . These things happen to all good families " She looked down depressed .
Who the fuck told her that ours is a wonderful family ? It just sounds so great.. thats all ..
"And your sister ., she is married , right ? "
"Yea , my nephew is 5 years old " I knew where this was going .
"Thats so great , so where did you study "
"I studied in Chinamaya VIdyalaya "
"Chinmaya ? Which one ? In pallavur " ?
I nodded yes .
"Ohhh wow .... Do you know Bharathi teacher ? She was a principal there ? "
Volcanos erupted inside my head . Do i know her ? Well , she sill never forget my name . I remember the day when she was crying like a little kid in front of all the other teachers and the 5 of us inside the Principals room . "I will never forget you , or what you have done today " I still remember she telling us , with a trembling voice .
For all those who thought that those words have come out of joy , please correct yourself . It was completely the other way around . I will write a different post on that story later .
"Yea , i do " i said softly to my female pal in train .
"Ohhh wow .... " She jumped towards the seat infront of her to catch her relatives . She wanted to tell the whole world about her discovery called as ME . Surprisingly , she stopped on half the way and came back to me .
"Btw , what did you say your name is ? " She sounded really serious this time .
"Pheno" I said
"No no , your full name "
OK , so that was it . I knew this was coming . Malayalee - Palakkad - Unmarried - Well settled family - Good looking (Although most of the factors except the locations are not entirely true in reality)
I looked at her face. She looked like a little kid awaiting permission from her dad to go for playing. This was the last and the most important thing that she wanted to know .
"Menon - Pheno Menon"
"Wow " ... She burst in to joy . She jumped two seats in one go pulling me in her one hand , and we reached right in middle of the entire family .
"Meet PhenoMenon , Bharathi's student , computer engineer " Everyone looked at the new arrival .
I prayed no one would ask about my salary . I kinda enjoyed the attention that i recieved , let them think i am like the other engineer brothers who earned a lakh a month .
" You know we Menon's all understand each other so well "
Another woman who is more older than my pal , took my hand and said . May be Manoj Nite Shyamalan was inspired from this family while making 'The Sixth Sense' .
The events that followed , included me being introduced to each of the family members , and their history , and how we are all distant relatives , and how similar i looked like Santhosh (Ok , i suppose he is some guy in their family) . I finally managed to leave without a family phone number exchange . Thanks to the universal 'i wana go to the bathroom' excuse .
I never went back to my seat , i just stood there near the door . I could see them chatting and pointing at me . I hurried out as the train stopped in Covai .
I wondered whether i made a mistake by not giving the number . The last thing that i want will be a enquiry about me to Bharathi teacher.
Well , the moral of the story is that , if you have to choose between two estrogen filled tanks , go for the youngest one .
"Hello , Am i speaking to Pheno Menon" ?
"Yes , who is this ? "
"Sir , we have an opening for network engineer in Chennai, are you looking for a change"
My eyes wide opened - The little girl sitting next gave a nodded response to my smile.
"Oh .. yea , ofcourse .. please go ahead "
"This opening is for network engineer with a reputed MNC in Chennai .They are looking for network engineer with experience in routing , switching , and knowledge in MPLS , you would be sent out to US for a few months of training and .. "
"Wait , which company is it ? "
"Well , this is for XXX Corp sir "
"Hmm , i am not sure whether i would be really interested "
"Why sir , i can guarantee you that they are one of the top companies in India "
"Really ? Then , i dont think their employees would have registered in your portal for a job"
"Sir ... what you mean"
"It means that i am working for them "
"Ohh .. ohh.. Sorry sir ... in that case why dont you refer someone you know " ...
"Well, in that case , why should'nt i take the referral money from my company ? "
"Ohhhh , ha ha ha .. true true sir .. Ok , nice speaking to you "
"I know , its always nice speaking to me , though i am not sure whether its the same the other way around"
I disconnected my call and took a deep breath . Whats more worser that my own company recruiting from all around the globe , but i wont get the right chance ?
Well, Mr.Phenomenon , its always been like that for you , isnt it ? I tried to smile at myself . This time i avoided the girl next to me and instead , turned right .
She smiled back at me . I dropped my smile .
"Hi " She said in a soft voice .
"Hi" . I had to respond
"Are you from Chennai ? Going where ? "
The train has passed Erode and the next stop is Covai . I cant go to California in this train (Thats where all others in the new project would be going to ) . Fuck off old lady .
"Yes , from Chennai to Covai "
She gave me a broad smile . I tried to concentrate back on my book .
"Are you working or studying in Chennai ?"
"Yes , working , at XXX Corp ,as network engineer" .
Not as great as it sounds , all i do is suck some American dicks .
"Ohh .. thats great . Are you malayalee ? "
"Yes , i am from Palakkad " I gave the answer to avoid the next probable question .
"Where in Palakkad? " Her eyebrows shooted up showing her anxiety .
"Well , we were settled in the town , near Manapullikkavu , now we moved to Nemmara"..
"Ohh , is it .. thats so great . we are also from Palakkad " She pointed to the seat in front which was crowded with so many old women .
"Oh great ,. where are you in Chennai? " I had to ask something .
"Well , we are settled in Chennai for about 30 years now , now we are going to Alathur , you know Alathur right ? Thats where my 'tharavadu' is . From there we will go to Thrissur . My younger sister's , daughter's son is getting married " She said in one breath .
"Oh ., thats great"
"I knew you were a malayalee" She smiled as if being a malayalee was the best thing on earth .
"Malayalees can always recognise each other , there is some sixth sense between us"
No one needs a sixth sense to identify a fair , curly haried guy in a Covai express as a malayalee . But still i gave an expression as if to appreciate her sixth sense capabilities .
'Hasili Fisilie rasavadi , un siripilum ...'Girl next to me increased the volume of her China made mobile . Now no one could even hear the train's sound . I felt better so that i can avoid the conversation now .
She patted on my back . There is no stopping a old lady from continuing a conversation.
"Tamil people , no manners , right ?" She gave me a bad face .
I didnt know what to say . I am stuck in between two far ends of a very confusing species called as females . I smiled , which i have learned as the best way to deal with a woman .
"Well .. what is your parents doing ? " Next question
"My father is no more , he was an advocate . My mother retired as Joint director of education and my sister is a lawyer " . I pressed the buzzer and gave the perfect answer in one go .
"Ohh, thats great " She looked excited . I gave a puzzled look
"I mean , i am sorry about your father . These things happen to all good families " She looked down depressed .
Who the fuck told her that ours is a wonderful family ? It just sounds so great.. thats all ..
"And your sister ., she is married , right ? "
"Yea , my nephew is 5 years old " I knew where this was going .
"Thats so great , so where did you study "
"I studied in Chinamaya VIdyalaya "
"Chinmaya ? Which one ? In pallavur " ?
I nodded yes .
"Ohhh wow .... Do you know Bharathi teacher ? She was a principal there ? "
Volcanos erupted inside my head . Do i know her ? Well , she sill never forget my name . I remember the day when she was crying like a little kid in front of all the other teachers and the 5 of us inside the Principals room . "I will never forget you , or what you have done today " I still remember she telling us , with a trembling voice .
For all those who thought that those words have come out of joy , please correct yourself . It was completely the other way around . I will write a different post on that story later .
"Yea , i do " i said softly to my female pal in train .
"Ohhh wow .... " She jumped towards the seat infront of her to catch her relatives . She wanted to tell the whole world about her discovery called as ME . Surprisingly , she stopped on half the way and came back to me .
"Btw , what did you say your name is ? " She sounded really serious this time .
"Pheno" I said
"No no , your full name "
OK , so that was it . I knew this was coming . Malayalee - Palakkad - Unmarried - Well settled family - Good looking (Although most of the factors except the locations are not entirely true in reality)
I looked at her face. She looked like a little kid awaiting permission from her dad to go for playing. This was the last and the most important thing that she wanted to know .
"Menon - Pheno Menon"
"Wow " ... She burst in to joy . She jumped two seats in one go pulling me in her one hand , and we reached right in middle of the entire family .
"Meet PhenoMenon , Bharathi's student , computer engineer " Everyone looked at the new arrival .
I prayed no one would ask about my salary . I kinda enjoyed the attention that i recieved , let them think i am like the other engineer brothers who earned a lakh a month .
" You know we Menon's all understand each other so well "
Another woman who is more older than my pal , took my hand and said . May be Manoj Nite Shyamalan was inspired from this family while making 'The Sixth Sense' .
The events that followed , included me being introduced to each of the family members , and their history , and how we are all distant relatives , and how similar i looked like Santhosh (Ok , i suppose he is some guy in their family) . I finally managed to leave without a family phone number exchange . Thanks to the universal 'i wana go to the bathroom' excuse .
I never went back to my seat , i just stood there near the door . I could see them chatting and pointing at me . I hurried out as the train stopped in Covai .
I wondered whether i made a mistake by not giving the number . The last thing that i want will be a enquiry about me to Bharathi teacher.
Well , the moral of the story is that , if you have to choose between two estrogen filled tanks , go for the youngest one .
Thursday, October 1, 2009
What should i do with my Life?
Tell me what should i do ?
1. Be a network engineer , go to UAE , earn well , marry a wealthy beautiful girl , have 2 good kids , bring them up well , go for old people associations , and die with your family and friends near you .
YUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK ............... I would rather die now than after wasting 50 years like that .... Oh god ,not this , not this one please.
2.Go to US/Europe/Australia , study Film making , work part time as network engineer .Come back to India , make beautiful movies , write beautiful stories
Wow .. sounds a lot better .But in reality , very very low chances of this happening. Why ? I am not rich like you :)
3.Stay in Chennai , i already have good contacts with film industry . But i dont know a damn thing about film making . So join as a assistant director , and study things , go on to make a movie at 30
Easy ? I have 2 Lakhs of debt to be paid off ! And how would my family react ? Throwing away a good career in engineering for nothing ? Also comes the very good chance of being nothing and lost in life !
4.Go to UAE , make some money come back and get in to film making
Well , at what age ? 67 ?
5.Stay normal , be network engineer , find another better job here in Chennai . Stay connected to films , hope that you will get a break some time in the future
My mom already asked me about marriage , and how long should i wait for this so called 'break in life' ?I thank God for giving me a healthy and good life . But the fact of the matter is that , i have never got that ' break in life ' which i believe is that factor which makes up a life for a person .
What should i do ? Does any one else have any other ideas ?
1. Be a network engineer , go to UAE , earn well , marry a wealthy beautiful girl , have 2 good kids , bring them up well , go for old people associations , and die with your family and friends near you .
YUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK ............... I would rather die now than after wasting 50 years like that .... Oh god ,not this , not this one please.
2.Go to US/Europe/Australia , study Film making , work part time as network engineer .Come back to India , make beautiful movies , write beautiful stories
Wow .. sounds a lot better .But in reality , very very low chances of this happening. Why ? I am not rich like you :)
3.Stay in Chennai , i already have good contacts with film industry . But i dont know a damn thing about film making . So join as a assistant director , and study things , go on to make a movie at 30
Easy ? I have 2 Lakhs of debt to be paid off ! And how would my family react ? Throwing away a good career in engineering for nothing ? Also comes the very good chance of being nothing and lost in life !
4.Go to UAE , make some money come back and get in to film making
Well , at what age ? 67 ?
5.Stay normal , be network engineer , find another better job here in Chennai . Stay connected to films , hope that you will get a break some time in the future
My mom already asked me about marriage , and how long should i wait for this so called 'break in life' ?I thank God for giving me a healthy and good life . But the fact of the matter is that , i have never got that ' break in life ' which i believe is that factor which makes up a life for a person .
What should i do ? Does any one else have any other ideas ?
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Love - Pain in the a$$
Yet again , i am worried , confused and drunk .
Let me come straight in to the point , i kinda like a girl these days . When i say like , i am not sure if i am in love or anything ,may be because i dont really believe in it .
The thing is that , she is pretty awesome . Hot,intelligent and smart ! Whats more ,she is younger than me , of my same caste/creed and has similar attitude towards life . So we were going out pretty happily for past 5-6 months .
Now , there is a problem . She has left India , and probably we wont be seeing for next 1-2 years . Oops !
I am pretty happy that she is happy down there (well,i am bit jealous as well , as i have never been outside India) .I would want her to enjoy her life and have fun .
BUT . I feel bit uncomfortable these days . I feel that she would go on to find some one better , some one who would give her a lot of surprises and gifts (which i never did) , and ultimately , she would have physical relationship with him !!
I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!
I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!
I am heart broken . , and i am like "Why does the bitch have to doooo thhaat??? "
Ok , wait a minute . She is a good woman ., and she is not that bitchy kind .Why am i overdoing things here ?
I never proposed her , though i always knew she would accept it . I did not do that coz, i never believed in long distance relations . As my friend 'lineproducer' told me yesterday ,-"Out of sight is like Out of Mind" .
And there is another reason why i did not propose . I wanted to have sex with many women before i marry.
So look at me now . I really like this girl , but i am afraid of getting on to commitment . And more over , i would want to give her that time and space rather than taking a hasty decision . So i am not committed , and i dont worry about her .
But its not like that .Coz i am thinking about her a lot these days . Fuck it ! Moreover , i am not really feeling like going out with another girl !! In short , everything is screwed !
Sighhhh.....
Ok , my decision is correct . Let her live her life , and if she finds a better guy , let her be with him .It would have been worser if that happened after we got committed . Btw , lets pray she never finds anyone better .
I am not going to try some other girl(atleast for now) . I dont feel like doing it ., im fucking getting old , and i have a lot more important things to do in life .
The simplest way that a man can be happy , is by having a unconditional relationship with a woman .You dont lose anything by loving some one .., despite what she gives in return .Go watch Forrest Gump today .
There are lot more things happening in my life these days . Will let you know .
I feel so very better after writing this . Nothing gives me more pleasure than writing .
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Smooch Story
Oops , i did it again !
Britney would not have said that more than what i would have .
Well ., as you all expected this is another post on my never ending search of a good bitchy girl .
So , getting straight into the point ,. i smooched a girl last week . It was not such smo00ch smooch but it was better than just a French kiss . I really loved it for several reasons ., if you guys have read the virginity issue you would know what kind of a girl that i had been looking over the years. And you know what ?This was such a perfect match ., now listen carefully ..,
8:00 PM :I meet her
8:10 PM :We shake hands . I realise that she is not so cute but so hot .
8:30 PM :We go out in my bike to buy some stuff .
8:33 PM :I realise that she is bit too close than what usually a girl would be .
8:40 PM:I stop to buy some stuff . I notice that almost everyone out there is noticing HER (now that did hurt my ego ., look at me bastards )
8:45 PM:I decide to give it a try . I tell her that she is so cute (Trust me guys ., there is nothing better to make a girl happy than to tell her that she is beautiful)
8:45:30 :She tells me that i too look so cute and fresh (Fresh ? Thats odd, did she mean hot ?)
8:50 PM:I ask her to kiss me . (We are in the bike still,but its fun to kiss while driving)
8:50-9:10 : As all other girls would do , she teases me saying no , though i knew that she would definitely kiss me (I should actually write a book on Girls psychology )
9:15 PM: Finally she kisses me . I realise that it had been more than an year since i have kissed any girl . What a loser i am !
9:20 PM:We go back home
9:20 - 10:20 : Nothing much happens as my friends were there , except a few touchings and fondlings whenever we got a chance .
10:30 PM: She asked me whether we can dance (Oh hell yea , though i know only street dancing)
10:35 PM: Smchs after smchs (thats the short form that im gona use , im tired of typing that word) as All our friends were some where outside the room .
10:50 PM: I realise that she is too drunk , and i asked her whether she can come with me .
10:51 PM: She made me realise that she is a good drunkard , as she told me that she wont come with me tonight .
11:00 PM: Having realised that nothing's gona happen , i finish the remaining beers and call up my friends to leave .
11:10 PM:We are about to leave , she calls me up , and gives me her phone number and tells me "You call me next sunday and you can take me where ever you want "
End of description .
Now you see , thats the best thing that can happen to any man . Some hot girl , Not in love with me , do not want to marry me , thinks that i am hot , and she do not have the sick old traditional values .
Any man would have had a great time the next sunday .
But you see , this is phenomenon . And people who have read my blog would know that as usual , i would screw this thing up .And i did .........., Oops i did it again !
There is something strange with me ., because though i tried to call her (and her mobile was switched off) , i did not try hard to get in touch with her again after that night . When the next friday came , i thought about it , and decided to do it this time atleast .
But i dont know why guys ., i did not feel like going for it . I pity myself .,but again i cannot help it .Im like this , some one who would cry that i dont get any chances , but the fact is that even if i get it , il screw it up like this .
Sunday came ,I met one of my old friends who was taking a short film , and spend the whole day discussing about the script and other stuff . Finally when i came back in the evening ., i tried to figure out whats wrong in me .
I cant find an answer , but the point is that , though i crib over it again and again ,somewhere i get a feeling that i dont want to do it for the heck of doing it ..I dont know ., but there is something else that is necessary to be with some one ..more than just alcohol and hormones .
Hmm.. So another chapter gets closed . And i am back to level 0 . As always , lets hope i would cross levels atleast next time ...
Britney would not have said that more than what i would have .
Well ., as you all expected this is another post on my never ending search of a good bitchy girl .
So , getting straight into the point ,. i smooched a girl last week . It was not such smo00ch smooch but it was better than just a French kiss . I really loved it for several reasons ., if you guys have read the virginity issue you would know what kind of a girl that i had been looking over the years. And you know what ?This was such a perfect match ., now listen carefully ..,
8:00 PM :I meet her
8:10 PM :We shake hands . I realise that she is not so cute but so hot .
8:30 PM :We go out in my bike to buy some stuff .
8:33 PM :I realise that she is bit too close than what usually a girl would be .
8:40 PM:I stop to buy some stuff . I notice that almost everyone out there is noticing HER (now that did hurt my ego ., look at me bastards )
8:45 PM:I decide to give it a try . I tell her that she is so cute (Trust me guys ., there is nothing better to make a girl happy than to tell her that she is beautiful)
8:45:30 :She tells me that i too look so cute and fresh (Fresh ? Thats odd, did she mean hot ?)
8:50 PM:I ask her to kiss me . (We are in the bike still,but its fun to kiss while driving)
8:50-9:10 : As all other girls would do , she teases me saying no , though i knew that she would definitely kiss me (I should actually write a book on Girls psychology )
9:15 PM: Finally she kisses me . I realise that it had been more than an year since i have kissed any girl . What a loser i am !
9:20 PM:We go back home
9:20 - 10:20 : Nothing much happens as my friends were there , except a few touchings and fondlings whenever we got a chance .
10:30 PM: She asked me whether we can dance (Oh hell yea , though i know only street dancing)
10:35 PM: Smchs after smchs (thats the short form that im gona use , im tired of typing that word) as All our friends were some where outside the room .
10:50 PM: I realise that she is too drunk , and i asked her whether she can come with me .
10:51 PM: She made me realise that she is a good drunkard , as she told me that she wont come with me tonight .
11:00 PM: Having realised that nothing's gona happen , i finish the remaining beers and call up my friends to leave .
11:10 PM:We are about to leave , she calls me up , and gives me her phone number and tells me "You call me next sunday and you can take me where ever you want "
End of description .
Now you see , thats the best thing that can happen to any man . Some hot girl , Not in love with me , do not want to marry me , thinks that i am hot , and she do not have the sick old traditional values .
Any man would have had a great time the next sunday .
But you see , this is phenomenon . And people who have read my blog would know that as usual , i would screw this thing up .And i did .........., Oops i did it again !
There is something strange with me ., because though i tried to call her (and her mobile was switched off) , i did not try hard to get in touch with her again after that night . When the next friday came , i thought about it , and decided to do it this time atleast .
But i dont know why guys ., i did not feel like going for it . I pity myself .,but again i cannot help it .Im like this , some one who would cry that i dont get any chances , but the fact is that even if i get it , il screw it up like this .
Sunday came ,I met one of my old friends who was taking a short film , and spend the whole day discussing about the script and other stuff . Finally when i came back in the evening ., i tried to figure out whats wrong in me .
I cant find an answer , but the point is that , though i crib over it again and again ,somewhere i get a feeling that i dont want to do it for the heck of doing it ..I dont know ., but there is something else that is necessary to be with some one ..more than just alcohol and hormones .
Hmm.. So another chapter gets closed . And i am back to level 0 . As always , lets hope i would cross levels atleast next time ...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A Loser Hero and couple of prostitutes !
Prostitutes .
Very interesting subject . No no , i dont write porn here , so those who opened this link for some steamy encounters can close it right away .
So , for the rest ,this is a story about a loser (only in this aspect) and his encounters with prostitutes .
Well ,you are desperately horny and being a normal unmarried south indian , you have two options .
1#Get a girlfriend , screw her .
2#Go for a prostitute .
So , which one is better option ? I know you picked 1# .
But there are problems with 1# , as it has two subdivisions as well
1#
a)Your girllfriend do not give a damn about relationships , and is only interested in sex .
b)Your girlfriend , believes you , trusts you , and hopes that you will marry her .
Well, there lies the problem . Our hero here ,fortunately gets many girlfriends , but unfortunately they all turn out to be belonging to 1 b) ,or our hero thinks so. And our loser hero is a bit too light hearted that he dont want to make anyone unhappy just for sex.
Loser hero , do not want to get married or committed , but want to screw someone somehow .
So , such a condition , tempted our hero to go for option 2# . See , you dont make any one unhappy ,and there is no commitments . And whats more ,you are probably helping some one to earn a few bucks ., and more than everything , you are a MAN , finally !
Thats how the two encounters happened , one 2-3 years back , when hero was on a tour .
Lets brief the events that day .
Hero tempted all his friends to go for a girl , hero guided them and took them , hero paid for 2 of them , and hero went first .
But before going in , hero got a promise from everyone . We are not going to Fuck(literally) , lets see how a girl body would look ,and go back .
Agreed .
Everyone except hero screwed her in and out , and before hero realised that its not very clever to make promises with drunk guys , hero was out of money and time , and hence ., nothing happend . Well , NOTHING happened .
But hero was in full of tensions as he regretted what he did , and wondered whether he would get some STD's . Hero even went on to meet a doctor , and was afraid of going for a blood test . Poor guy . He then decided , that he will never ever pay for sex again .
Now , today , hero had to partially break that promise .
Hero never again tried for a pro(not proffesional pro , its prostitute pro . Interesting similarity though) , but today , hero's roommate , wanted to screw some one very desperately . Now he being a master in this buisness ., just took him an hour before he got her home , and unfortunately hero was home too .
Hero thought about it for sometime , and though not really horny then,desperation of a virgin, forced him to give a try .
Event inside the room detailed .
Hero goes in - locks the door -takes a look -pathetic lady- sits next to her - holds her - she kisses hero - hero moves away - hero asks her to undress - hero's tom dick and harry still not showing any interest - she tries to catch something and make hero interested - hero says thats enough - unlocks the door - hero goes out .
I dont have to add the fact that , room mate went in and had a great time . But now lets come back to hero .
Hero is sad as well as happy . Happy for the reason that he did not do anything , just saw her nude , and probably touched each other . Hero did not pay for sex this time , just had a little bit of fun , thats all .
Sad because , even if partially , he had to break his promise . And he is still afraid of STD's . Will they transmit if you touch the person ? I mean , just touch !? Oh cmon , we are all educated and we know there's no harm , but then its not that fear that is hurting him , its the regret . Its so unfortunate that hero is a hero and hence a good man .
Loser hero has promised himself that he will not even go near any pro's ever in life time . But will he keep his promise ? I think so , because this time he is not just afraid , he is very confident , and this decision is taken , not for making him happy for the time being , but because , hero knows that he do not want to do this .
Our Hero is a Loser , but he is still our hero isnt it ?
And do you guys know what ? Its good to call yourself a hero at times , but its not that cool when you call urself a loser every now n then !!
Very interesting subject . No no , i dont write porn here , so those who opened this link for some steamy encounters can close it right away .
So , for the rest ,this is a story about a loser (only in this aspect) and his encounters with prostitutes .
Well ,you are desperately horny and being a normal unmarried south indian , you have two options .
1#Get a girlfriend , screw her .
2#Go for a prostitute .
So , which one is better option ? I know you picked 1# .
But there are problems with 1# , as it has two subdivisions as well
1#
a)Your girllfriend do not give a damn about relationships , and is only interested in sex .
b)Your girlfriend , believes you , trusts you , and hopes that you will marry her .
Well, there lies the problem . Our hero here ,fortunately gets many girlfriends , but unfortunately they all turn out to be belonging to 1 b) ,or our hero thinks so. And our loser hero is a bit too light hearted that he dont want to make anyone unhappy just for sex.
Loser hero , do not want to get married or committed , but want to screw someone somehow .
So , such a condition , tempted our hero to go for option 2# . See , you dont make any one unhappy ,and there is no commitments . And whats more ,you are probably helping some one to earn a few bucks ., and more than everything , you are a MAN , finally !
Thats how the two encounters happened , one 2-3 years back , when hero was on a tour .
Lets brief the events that day .
Hero tempted all his friends to go for a girl , hero guided them and took them , hero paid for 2 of them , and hero went first .
But before going in , hero got a promise from everyone . We are not going to Fuck(literally) , lets see how a girl body would look ,and go back .
Agreed .
Everyone except hero screwed her in and out , and before hero realised that its not very clever to make promises with drunk guys , hero was out of money and time , and hence ., nothing happend . Well , NOTHING happened .
But hero was in full of tensions as he regretted what he did , and wondered whether he would get some STD's . Hero even went on to meet a doctor , and was afraid of going for a blood test . Poor guy . He then decided , that he will never ever pay for sex again .
Now , today , hero had to partially break that promise .
Hero never again tried for a pro(not proffesional pro , its prostitute pro . Interesting similarity though) , but today , hero's roommate , wanted to screw some one very desperately . Now he being a master in this buisness ., just took him an hour before he got her home , and unfortunately hero was home too .
Hero thought about it for sometime , and though not really horny then,desperation of a virgin, forced him to give a try .
Event inside the room detailed .
Hero goes in - locks the door -takes a look -pathetic lady- sits next to her - holds her - she kisses hero - hero moves away - hero asks her to undress - hero's tom dick and harry still not showing any interest - she tries to catch something and make hero interested - hero says thats enough - unlocks the door - hero goes out .
I dont have to add the fact that , room mate went in and had a great time . But now lets come back to hero .
Hero is sad as well as happy . Happy for the reason that he did not do anything , just saw her nude , and probably touched each other . Hero did not pay for sex this time , just had a little bit of fun , thats all .
Sad because , even if partially , he had to break his promise . And he is still afraid of STD's . Will they transmit if you touch the person ? I mean , just touch !? Oh cmon , we are all educated and we know there's no harm , but then its not that fear that is hurting him , its the regret . Its so unfortunate that hero is a hero and hence a good man .
Loser hero has promised himself that he will not even go near any pro's ever in life time . But will he keep his promise ? I think so , because this time he is not just afraid , he is very confident , and this decision is taken , not for making him happy for the time being , but because , hero knows that he do not want to do this .
Our Hero is a Loser , but he is still our hero isnt it ?
And do you guys know what ? Its good to call yourself a hero at times , but its not that cool when you call urself a loser every now n then !!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Confessions of a Pissed Off mind!
I am sitting in my office , pretty late night , and i am feeling a lot pissed off .
I know i should'nt be complaining when there are people worser than me ., but this no complaint , no cursing god or anything , the following is a crap note from a pissed off mind.
I know many of you have gone through this , and i believe we can feel better when we speak it out like this .
I am an underachiever ., wrt money i earn.
I perfectly understand that i have made mistakes in the past , like not bothering about a campus interview , or not studying too well in college ,or leaving a metropolitian city at the start of my career(that had some positives as well) .
But you see, i have been a good student(good - not outstanding)., I used to enjoy a lot , drinking smoking flirting partying , you say it , i have done it in my college days . Despite all that , i passed out with first class and a good score .Only mistake i made there was that i never passed a campus interview .
I did not really wanted to be a software engineer . Even now , i dont want to be ., so i do have an excuse for not clearing any campus interviews . Valid excuse ., and other than the money factor , i have no regrets of not being a software engineer .
Now , there were a lot like me , average/shit students and i can categorise them into 4 groups .
1# Over achievers
People who were/are real shit becoming big shots over night , some had a lot of luck , others had a lot of money to go abroad or start a buisness .
2#Achievers
People who were like me , but they either cleared a campus interview or some how became s/w engineers ., and even though many of them used to copy my programs in college , they all flew to US and UK and are all fucking rich now .
3#Under achievers (I fall here)
People who didnt study too well , or were unlucky not to get through campus interviews . People with abilities and desire , but for some reason , things do not happen that well for them . These people all have a job , are OK with life , and will never be called as losers , but still you know , these people should have been a lot better off by now .
4#Losers
This group is the worst of them all .People who were real shit , people who were average , people who were excellent are all here . I dont know what happpened to them , but they have achieved nothing till now . Some deserve it , many other dont . Thank god i am not here .
Dont ask me to compare myself with group#4 and be happy ., that is really a negative statement
We (group #3 ) dont know what actually went wrong . As i said earlier , we were not really good at studies , but we were/are really capable guys . As far as i am concerned , i finally got a good job , a job that i am really interested in ., a job where i am confident of being successful - Thank god again .
But its been 2 years since i have passed out from college , and it is only now, i am getting an average salary . All others in group#1 and group#2 are far ahead of me ., atleast say 10- 15 k per month .
And i see , freshers , people who used to consider me as senior , coming in and getting salaries which is more than i have after these 2 years ! Now i am ashamed about this , i really is .
Now dont come down and tell me that its not all about money . It is ! isnt it ? For those bastards sitting in group#1 and group#2 acting as if life is about love and not money , come down to #3 and #4 , and you will then know that it is the other way . Love and romance is all for you , not for us .
That again is another very important fact . Look at me . I look good , and i am a good man ., even a virgin . Now with all that , do you think that any hot girl will fall for me ? No , absolutely not . Now before thinking this is a stupid point , think yourself being in the shoes of that hot girl . Will you pick me or that asshole standing next to me , in nike t shirts and police sunglasses ? Yea , thats it , you will surely go for him - because you know he can afford to buy you a diamond pendant ,and take you to rich romantic restaurants(no cheap restaurants are romantic) .
People from group#3 may finally go on to earn good money after 3-4 years , and you start to think about discs and rich bitches or a car,. oh wait a minute , there comes your moms call , "dear son , you are too old , now go get married"
.
WOW ! MARRIAGE !
Now there ends all your dreams , and there starts your responsibilities and loans and kids and all the fuckign things in the world . If you dont earn big money before marriage , then what is the use of earning it ? Before dumping this statement , think again about it !It is a very true fact , especially with guys .
Coming back to our topic , i must make one thing very clear here . I have no problems with gods . Not at all ! They have been very kindful to me , and even if i become a begger tomorrow , i will not blame them , because i know they have given me a everything that i wanted . Most recently this job . I will be always thankful to them all this life .
I may be contradicting myself, but lets not bring in gods here . What i am trying to find out is what the fuck is wrong with me . Dont doubt it , i am some one who dreams big ., and want to be big ., i cannot be ordinary . Now you may tell me that thats what is wrong with me , but think again , is it ? What is wrong in dreaming to be big ? I have absolutely no problems with others becoming big , and i will not do anything to prevent others from becoming big ., and i never want to do bad things to be big . My line is very clear , and it is pure .
See , here is where i am ., i am happy for all those who achieved things , and i say this not because i am pissed off with their achievements , but just that , i am pissed off with myself ., MY FUCKING SELF !!!
But then again , you know what ? I will not give up ., i cannot give up .I will fight till end to get in to that day , when i can prove this world what i am capable of . Even if it never come , i will die with the happiness that i have atleast tried for it .
See , i am a positive man , but still, at times , even the most optimistic people will feel pissed off , wont they ? And i am in such a mood right now . Lets hope i will be a rich man one day , and that i will buy a football club , will fly to barbados to play golf and will marry a 18 year girl when i am 90 .
Oh , i feel a lot better now .., thanks guys .
I know i should'nt be complaining when there are people worser than me ., but this no complaint , no cursing god or anything , the following is a crap note from a pissed off mind.
I know many of you have gone through this , and i believe we can feel better when we speak it out like this .
I am an underachiever ., wrt money i earn.
I perfectly understand that i have made mistakes in the past , like not bothering about a campus interview , or not studying too well in college ,or leaving a metropolitian city at the start of my career(that had some positives as well) .
But you see, i have been a good student(good - not outstanding)., I used to enjoy a lot , drinking smoking flirting partying , you say it , i have done it in my college days . Despite all that , i passed out with first class and a good score .Only mistake i made there was that i never passed a campus interview .
I did not really wanted to be a software engineer . Even now , i dont want to be ., so i do have an excuse for not clearing any campus interviews . Valid excuse ., and other than the money factor , i have no regrets of not being a software engineer .
Now , there were a lot like me , average/shit students and i can categorise them into 4 groups .
1# Over achievers
People who were/are real shit becoming big shots over night , some had a lot of luck , others had a lot of money to go abroad or start a buisness .
2#Achievers
People who were like me , but they either cleared a campus interview or some how became s/w engineers ., and even though many of them used to copy my programs in college , they all flew to US and UK and are all fucking rich now .
3#Under achievers (I fall here)
People who didnt study too well , or were unlucky not to get through campus interviews . People with abilities and desire , but for some reason , things do not happen that well for them . These people all have a job , are OK with life , and will never be called as losers , but still you know , these people should have been a lot better off by now .
4#Losers
This group is the worst of them all .People who were real shit , people who were average , people who were excellent are all here . I dont know what happpened to them , but they have achieved nothing till now . Some deserve it , many other dont . Thank god i am not here .
Dont ask me to compare myself with group#4 and be happy ., that is really a negative statement
We (group #3 ) dont know what actually went wrong . As i said earlier , we were not really good at studies , but we were/are really capable guys . As far as i am concerned , i finally got a good job , a job that i am really interested in ., a job where i am confident of being successful - Thank god again .
But its been 2 years since i have passed out from college , and it is only now, i am getting an average salary . All others in group#1 and group#2 are far ahead of me ., atleast say 10- 15 k per month .
And i see , freshers , people who used to consider me as senior , coming in and getting salaries which is more than i have after these 2 years ! Now i am ashamed about this , i really is .
Now dont come down and tell me that its not all about money . It is ! isnt it ? For those bastards sitting in group#1 and group#2 acting as if life is about love and not money , come down to #3 and #4 , and you will then know that it is the other way . Love and romance is all for you , not for us .
That again is another very important fact . Look at me . I look good , and i am a good man ., even a virgin . Now with all that , do you think that any hot girl will fall for me ? No , absolutely not . Now before thinking this is a stupid point , think yourself being in the shoes of that hot girl . Will you pick me or that asshole standing next to me , in nike t shirts and police sunglasses ? Yea , thats it , you will surely go for him - because you know he can afford to buy you a diamond pendant ,and take you to rich romantic restaurants(no cheap restaurants are romantic) .
People from group#3 may finally go on to earn good money after 3-4 years , and you start to think about discs and rich bitches or a car,. oh wait a minute , there comes your moms call , "dear son , you are too old , now go get married"
.
WOW ! MARRIAGE !
Now there ends all your dreams , and there starts your responsibilities and loans and kids and all the fuckign things in the world . If you dont earn big money before marriage , then what is the use of earning it ? Before dumping this statement , think again about it !It is a very true fact , especially with guys .
Coming back to our topic , i must make one thing very clear here . I have no problems with gods . Not at all ! They have been very kindful to me , and even if i become a begger tomorrow , i will not blame them , because i know they have given me a everything that i wanted . Most recently this job . I will be always thankful to them all this life .
I may be contradicting myself, but lets not bring in gods here . What i am trying to find out is what the fuck is wrong with me . Dont doubt it , i am some one who dreams big ., and want to be big ., i cannot be ordinary . Now you may tell me that thats what is wrong with me , but think again , is it ? What is wrong in dreaming to be big ? I have absolutely no problems with others becoming big , and i will not do anything to prevent others from becoming big ., and i never want to do bad things to be big . My line is very clear , and it is pure .
See , here is where i am ., i am happy for all those who achieved things , and i say this not because i am pissed off with their achievements , but just that , i am pissed off with myself ., MY FUCKING SELF !!!
But then again , you know what ? I will not give up ., i cannot give up .I will fight till end to get in to that day , when i can prove this world what i am capable of . Even if it never come , i will die with the happiness that i have atleast tried for it .
See , i am a positive man , but still, at times , even the most optimistic people will feel pissed off , wont they ? And i am in such a mood right now . Lets hope i will be a rich man one day , and that i will buy a football club , will fly to barbados to play golf and will marry a 18 year girl when i am 90 .
Oh , i feel a lot better now .., thanks guys .
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Honeymoon trip and a bottle of Vodka (Part 1)
Last weekend will be unforgettable for me , something strange yet so fantastic happened .
I went down for a trip with 2 honeymoon(not exactly) couples .
Ha Ha , Look at me , laugh at me and ask me , What the Fuck are you doing in there !
But trust me guys , it was so so good , and i am sure that they enjoyed my company as well .
So one fine evening , few of my very good friends , call me up and tell me that we are going for a trip . But the 'we' included 3 guys and 3 gals , where there are 2 couples which leaves me and thulu.
Thulu didn't want to come ,personal reasons .
So i tried my best to slip away ., but couldn't ., and hence here we are ., one SUV , one very romantic couple at the back seat , one really funny couple in the centre , and me and driver bj upfront . Wow !
Wheels roll , bj the driver is so focussed that he hardly speaks anything , though i tried to talk to him about crappy vehicle related stuff like how much does a scorpio cost and what is the maximum distance he has driven . , until finally he gave me a face which suggested 'oh, cmon , shut the fuck mate , let me drive and you mind your buisness '
So i thought of looking back and probably tease the couples , or atleast have some common discussions ., but i soon realised they were not really bothered
Mr and Mrs romance were busy redefining romance , and i was like , "alright , you are meeting after a long interval , and this is probably the only chance to , errr , you know ... have fun :-P "
And Mr and Mrs A , were in some other world that they have invented for all the couples in the world of love , where they break up every 180 seconds and then hook up in another 120 seconds . So if you happen to be his good friend , and if you are with them in between these 120 seconds , you are really pissed !! Big time , coz before you think about the reason for the break up and the chances of getting it right , there they are , standing right in front of you , " Ohhh chweety , i love you ... "
And you look at yourself and asks , " Is the earth revolving around you or that you are revolving around the earth "
So here i am , reading a milestone which says 130 kms to destination , and wondering what to do !
And that is when i found her , so beautiful , so hot , so pure and so lovable , right in front of me .So gentle , so innocent , her curves making any artist jealous .
And her silky white top told me her name
White Mischeif Vodka
"Jab se tere nainaaaa .. meri naino se , bhaage reeee ...
Tab se diwaana hua , sabse pe gaana hua , rab bhi diwaana lagi reee ... Ho oooh oooo ... "
(to be continued)
I went down for a trip with 2 honeymoon(not exactly) couples .
Ha Ha , Look at me , laugh at me and ask me , What the Fuck are you doing in there !
But trust me guys , it was so so good , and i am sure that they enjoyed my company as well .
So one fine evening , few of my very good friends , call me up and tell me that we are going for a trip . But the 'we' included 3 guys and 3 gals , where there are 2 couples which leaves me and thulu.
Thulu didn't want to come ,personal reasons .
So i tried my best to slip away ., but couldn't ., and hence here we are ., one SUV , one very romantic couple at the back seat , one really funny couple in the centre , and me and driver bj upfront . Wow !
Wheels roll , bj the driver is so focussed that he hardly speaks anything , though i tried to talk to him about crappy vehicle related stuff like how much does a scorpio cost and what is the maximum distance he has driven . , until finally he gave me a face which suggested 'oh, cmon , shut the fuck mate , let me drive and you mind your buisness '
So i thought of looking back and probably tease the couples , or atleast have some common discussions ., but i soon realised they were not really bothered
Mr and Mrs romance were busy redefining romance , and i was like , "alright , you are meeting after a long interval , and this is probably the only chance to , errr , you know ... have fun :-P "
And Mr and Mrs A , were in some other world that they have invented for all the couples in the world of love , where they break up every 180 seconds and then hook up in another 120 seconds . So if you happen to be his good friend , and if you are with them in between these 120 seconds , you are really pissed !! Big time , coz before you think about the reason for the break up and the chances of getting it right , there they are , standing right in front of you , " Ohhh chweety , i love you ... "
And you look at yourself and asks , " Is the earth revolving around you or that you are revolving around the earth "
So here i am , reading a milestone which says 130 kms to destination , and wondering what to do !
And that is when i found her , so beautiful , so hot , so pure and so lovable , right in front of me .So gentle , so innocent , her curves making any artist jealous .
And her silky white top told me her name
White Mischeif Vodka
"Jab se tere nainaaaa .. meri naino se , bhaage reeee ...
Tab se diwaana hua , sabse pe gaana hua , rab bhi diwaana lagi reee ... Ho oooh oooo ... "
(to be continued)
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Magic of a Bar !
The Magic of a Bar .
Things which we cannot find explanation to , scientifically or technically or whatever .., are called as magic . Isn't it ?
And hence we really do have a magic in bars .
(Bars : Place where liquor/alcohol is served . ) *
This has amused me all the time since i have started drinking ., and after lot of research and inquiry i have come to one conclusion
This is magic !
Why is it a magic ?
1#You and your friend buy 360 ml of any brand/type alcohol , go home , share it and complete it by an hour .
You are not really DRUNK , or is out of control
You have your food , you reply properly to your bugging house owner and you watch porn and sleep .
2#You have 90 ml of alcohol from any given bar , have enough food and get back home
You are fucking DRUNK , and you tell your owner to fuck off , and you fucking forget to take off your shoes and you retype the whole fucking sentence on your blog and you fucking dont know why you are using so many 'fucks' in one go . Fuck!
See , im confused , can any one help ?
Is it my problem or is it a common problem ?
Oh , by the way
*Definition for those fuckers who think that they are chubby chweety kids .
Fuck , i hate my blog , im drunk !
Things which we cannot find explanation to , scientifically or technically or whatever .., are called as magic . Isn't it ?
And hence we really do have a magic in bars .
(Bars : Place where liquor/alcohol is served . ) *
This has amused me all the time since i have started drinking ., and after lot of research and inquiry i have come to one conclusion
This is magic !
Why is it a magic ?
1#You and your friend buy 360 ml of any brand/type alcohol , go home , share it and complete it by an hour .
You are not really DRUNK , or is out of control
You have your food , you reply properly to your bugging house owner and you watch porn and sleep .
2#You have 90 ml of alcohol from any given bar , have enough food and get back home
You are fucking DRUNK , and you tell your owner to fuck off , and you fucking forget to take off your shoes and you retype the whole fucking sentence on your blog and you fucking dont know why you are using so many 'fucks' in one go . Fuck!
See , im confused , can any one help ?
Is it my problem or is it a common problem ?
Oh , by the way
*Definition for those fuckers who think that they are chubby chweety kids .
Fuck , i hate my blog , im drunk !
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Gay Encoutners
Im Pretty Handsome .
I mean i am pretty and Handsome .
And sometimes , i wish i was not !
And i fucking mean it !
Yaaradee nee Mohini (Tamil) is the movie , and i am happy that its interval . I rush to the toilet and i am waiting with my hands on the zip .
There it is , some old ass is moving out , let me get in ...
"God !! Isnt this the greatest pleasure ... pissing and shitting ??" I ask to myself .
"Hey , dude , Phenomenon , im feeling shy ! " Dick says
"Why the hell, you are all mine " I try to console him
"Look right you idiot " Dick
And i see him , trying his very best to get a glimpse of my dear dk , over the marble piece that seperates us , in between my hands and my trouser ... shite ... i am feeling shy to explain this ! :-(
What has just been a honeymoon trip becomes a nightmare for my dk , i somehow get things in and leave .
I knew he would follow me , and he did .
Red Bright shirt , well shoven , well dyed hair , and loads of cheap perfume all over .. I still remember him well .
Puthiyathalapathy , who accompanied me for the movie, drunk to the core , was blabbering something in the walkway . I tried to take him and get back to the cinema hall , but he was persistent on having a smoke
And there i stood in one corner , trying not to bother the red shirt bastard gay , smoking restlessly .
And there he was , smiling at me , and adjusting his shirt , as if telling me , "ohhhh .. hotttieee ..rip off my clothes and take me down " ......
YUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ...
Fucking hell , i hate Gays ... i really do .... Oh God .....
I have always wondered how girls would feel , whenever someone touched them here and there ,, in the buses and crowded areas n all ..Will they get erect just like that ? are they enjoying it ? My seniors in school have told me that they would ..
And to confess , i have tried to touch a hottie of my class twice or thrice in the bus , when i was in my 9th grade .
But little did i know that i would get it all back , very badly
I remember my first gay encounter being in a bus , when i was a kid , some one tried to , get a grip on it , i was stunned , and did not know what was happening , and ran towards my brother .
Then years later , when i was like , hoo hoo ., the college dude ... One day on my way to my college , there was this tamil guy sitting next to me , who always misplaced his hands on MY thighs rather than his .
Then , again in my early college days , there was this guy who followed me to every seat i shifted , and finally i had to jump off the bus to escape
I remember , once we were all standing in a bus stand , late night , a gentleman came in , offered us a drink , a full bottle , if ,,, IF , we could go with him and stay with him in his room ...
And then , recently , an old asshole , who kept looking at me while i was enjoying my evening smoke in a a shop near my house ..
And by this time , i have had enough encounters , that i actually knew how to deal with them ...
"Can you give me a lift pls " He looked at me pathetically
"Which way you want to go " I asked him as i turned my bike to left
"This way ofcourse " He showed me the direction where i took my bike
I tried a Zeroing(though it did not work the way i wanted to ) and got my vehicle turned 180deg , and told him
"sorry sir , i am going this way "
"Its Ok , i dont mind going that way " He smiled at me
I lost it there , son of a bitch . Just because he was atleast my grandpa's age i didnt punch him ., but did give him a good essay of abuses .
Ohhhh...
And then there was this guy , my friend ., who was bisexual .
Damn , and you know what , none of us dared to sleep next to him . Especially if you are fair and drunk . You never know when his hands get out of control
Seriously guys , its difficult .
I hate these bastards , though i am ready to accept them . I mean , its ok if you are gay , nothing wrong , i mean what can you do about a disorder , well , its not even a disorder . Its just that you are a bit different .
Its fine with me , i have even written a story "Being straight" about the sufferings of a gay , and how the society ignores them .
Well ., all very easily said , it is very difficult to deal with them .
I just have one sincere request to them , dont force any one , dont try to seduce us , its irritating , to the fucking core .
OMG
Just now i realise how sad it is for the girls , i mean , if there are 10 gays in 100 , then the rest 90 are straight , just think about the girl's condition then
Sorry , Hottie of 9th standard , i never meant to do that , and will never do that .
And its difficult guys ,
ITS DIFFICULT TO BE STRAIGHT IN THIS WORLD !!
:-( :-(
I mean i am pretty and Handsome .
And sometimes , i wish i was not !
And i fucking mean it !
Yaaradee nee Mohini (Tamil) is the movie , and i am happy that its interval . I rush to the toilet and i am waiting with my hands on the zip .
There it is , some old ass is moving out , let me get in ...
"God !! Isnt this the greatest pleasure ... pissing and shitting ??" I ask to myself .
"Hey , dude , Phenomenon , im feeling shy ! " Dick says
"Why the hell, you are all mine " I try to console him
"Look right you idiot " Dick
And i see him , trying his very best to get a glimpse of my dear dk , over the marble piece that seperates us , in between my hands and my trouser ... shite ... i am feeling shy to explain this ! :-(
What has just been a honeymoon trip becomes a nightmare for my dk , i somehow get things in and leave .
I knew he would follow me , and he did .
Red Bright shirt , well shoven , well dyed hair , and loads of cheap perfume all over .. I still remember him well .
Puthiyathalapathy , who accompanied me for the movie, drunk to the core , was blabbering something in the walkway . I tried to take him and get back to the cinema hall , but he was persistent on having a smoke
And there i stood in one corner , trying not to bother the red shirt bastard gay , smoking restlessly .
And there he was , smiling at me , and adjusting his shirt , as if telling me , "ohhhh .. hotttieee ..rip off my clothes and take me down " ......
YUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ...
Fucking hell , i hate Gays ... i really do .... Oh God .....
I have always wondered how girls would feel , whenever someone touched them here and there ,, in the buses and crowded areas n all ..Will they get erect just like that ? are they enjoying it ? My seniors in school have told me that they would ..
And to confess , i have tried to touch a hottie of my class twice or thrice in the bus , when i was in my 9th grade .
But little did i know that i would get it all back , very badly
I remember my first gay encounter being in a bus , when i was a kid , some one tried to , get a grip on it , i was stunned , and did not know what was happening , and ran towards my brother .
Then years later , when i was like , hoo hoo ., the college dude ... One day on my way to my college , there was this tamil guy sitting next to me , who always misplaced his hands on MY thighs rather than his .
Then , again in my early college days , there was this guy who followed me to every seat i shifted , and finally i had to jump off the bus to escape
I remember , once we were all standing in a bus stand , late night , a gentleman came in , offered us a drink , a full bottle , if ,,, IF , we could go with him and stay with him in his room ...
And then , recently , an old asshole , who kept looking at me while i was enjoying my evening smoke in a a shop near my house ..
And by this time , i have had enough encounters , that i actually knew how to deal with them ...
"Can you give me a lift pls " He looked at me pathetically
"Which way you want to go " I asked him as i turned my bike to left
"This way ofcourse " He showed me the direction where i took my bike
I tried a Zeroing(though it did not work the way i wanted to ) and got my vehicle turned 180deg , and told him
"sorry sir , i am going this way "
"Its Ok , i dont mind going that way " He smiled at me
I lost it there , son of a bitch . Just because he was atleast my grandpa's age i didnt punch him ., but did give him a good essay of abuses .
Ohhhh...
And then there was this guy , my friend ., who was bisexual .
Damn , and you know what , none of us dared to sleep next to him . Especially if you are fair and drunk . You never know when his hands get out of control
Seriously guys , its difficult .
I hate these bastards , though i am ready to accept them . I mean , its ok if you are gay , nothing wrong , i mean what can you do about a disorder , well , its not even a disorder . Its just that you are a bit different .
Its fine with me , i have even written a story "Being straight" about the sufferings of a gay , and how the society ignores them .
Well ., all very easily said , it is very difficult to deal with them .
I just have one sincere request to them , dont force any one , dont try to seduce us , its irritating , to the fucking core .
OMG
Just now i realise how sad it is for the girls , i mean , if there are 10 gays in 100 , then the rest 90 are straight , just think about the girl's condition then
Sorry , Hottie of 9th standard , i never meant to do that , and will never do that .
And its difficult guys ,
ITS DIFFICULT TO BE STRAIGHT IN THIS WORLD !!
:-( :-(
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The Virginity issue
Male, 23
I am a virgin
No , not a joke .
I am really getting worried about this .
I have had many girlfriends , but then , you know ..,you know , i just could not do it , i mean , IT !!
Now ,stop laughing and saying 'bugger is impotent' .... No , its not that . I am just very perfect with the perfect amount of chromosomes (ohh , wait a minute , i meant hormones ) , and other required ingredients .
So thats not the case ,. so what may it be ?
You know what , actually i had chances to make out with atleast 3 girls , and i wasted it all .And when i say wasted , this is the worst way any one can waste an oppurtunity .
I had this hot hot girl as my girlfriend , and she once called me to go out to some tourist spot and stay in there .
I was watching some bloody tamil film , where the hero actually sacrifices his life and dreams for the girl. And after long thoughts , i realised being a true lover , i should not be doing this before marriage . And it ended there .(the bad luck started )
BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!! You useless a****h*** , you said marriage ? when she would not even have thought about it ? Damn , you fool , now you know why she left you after couple of months ,you loser !!!
OK , thats an old story , may be i was a bit too childish then , but now what ?
I have actually asked this to many of my friends who are girls (not girlfriends) about this .
Prat thinks i am a gay .
I would have killed her if she was somewhere near me ..., that was too rude..
Hmm , am i gay , could i be ?
Damn man , i am not , i mean , yea , i once happened to see this gay porn with my friends , but i did not get any pleasure from that . And also , i was attacked (or rather approached) by gays 2-3 times , i did not give up !!
Now will liking hrithik roshan and john abraham be gayish?Is it ? Well it cannot be.
I am not a gay , get that? I AM NOT A GAY
But i am 23 , 23 effing years old .
Another one of my friend girl , thulu , once told me that it is actually nice to be a virgin . She says it is wonderful to be with one partner for an entire life time .
Now just imagine these conditions ,
1#I stay virgin , my parents find me a educated well behaved good looking girl , and on our honeymoon ,she tells me that "this is not the right way to do it dear husband , are you doing this for the first time ?"
2#I stay virgin , my wife too a virgin , and we live happily . When i finally die and go to heaven , god will ask me , "what on earth were you doing in there for all these years you fool , you just spoiled the only one chance you had to live !!! "
From 1# and 2# , what do you realise ?
That being a virgin is total shite and thulu , you are wrong , and you are making a mistake by being a virgin .
I have made this new year resolution , of not to be a virgin any more ! I am proud of that !
But i cannot actually do it with any girl you know , i mean certain conditions must be satisfied
1#She should not be a whore (literally ) , and i will not pay her for sex
2#She should like me , and really should enjoy being with me
3#point 2 vice versa
4#She should be hot , and should smell good
5#She should not have any plans to marry me
6#She should love me for the time being
7#She should not call me when i am not interested in speaking to her .
8#I will not stop smoking or drinking for her
9#I should not feel sad when she finally leaves me
10#She should not like Shah rukh khan , and should like cricket and football
11#I should not cheat her in any way
and most importantly
I should not fall in love with her .
Ok , those are the few simple conditions that i have , but then i cannot find a girl who matches the above criteria .
When there are idiots who make make out every weekend , i am sitting here staring at the stars and my neighbors bedroom window , you girls out there , you are missing out on something . I mean , i am hot and handsome , smart and funny , educated and employed .
I think she is going to sleep now *
I am a useless guy , really . With all the abilities and capabilities , i am just wasting my life . You know , just imagine being with one girl for a life time . YUCK, one girl ? Its like wearing the same underwear for a life time
Ok , now what if she is a virgin , it could be a bit better , something like wearing a clean Jockey underwear for a life time , but it still is so stinky!!
Yea , she is off to sleep , Damn *
Im so pissed off !!
May be it was better to be a gay or impotent !
*I was looking out to my neighbors window , where a hot girl lives . I am trying to grab her attention for past 4 weeks , but she just dont care . It had just been yet another bad night for me !!
I am a virgin
No , not a joke .
I am really getting worried about this .
I have had many girlfriends , but then , you know ..,you know , i just could not do it , i mean , IT !!
Now ,stop laughing and saying 'bugger is impotent' .... No , its not that . I am just very perfect with the perfect amount of chromosomes (ohh , wait a minute , i meant hormones ) , and other required ingredients .
So thats not the case ,. so what may it be ?
You know what , actually i had chances to make out with atleast 3 girls , and i wasted it all .And when i say wasted , this is the worst way any one can waste an oppurtunity .
I had this hot hot girl as my girlfriend , and she once called me to go out to some tourist spot and stay in there .
I was watching some bloody tamil film , where the hero actually sacrifices his life and dreams for the girl. And after long thoughts , i realised being a true lover , i should not be doing this before marriage . And it ended there .(the bad luck started )
BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!! You useless a****h*** , you said marriage ? when she would not even have thought about it ? Damn , you fool , now you know why she left you after couple of months ,you loser !!!
OK , thats an old story , may be i was a bit too childish then , but now what ?
I have actually asked this to many of my friends who are girls (not girlfriends) about this .
Prat thinks i am a gay .
I would have killed her if she was somewhere near me ..., that was too rude..
Hmm , am i gay , could i be ?
Damn man , i am not , i mean , yea , i once happened to see this gay porn with my friends , but i did not get any pleasure from that . And also , i was attacked (or rather approached) by gays 2-3 times , i did not give up !!
Now will liking hrithik roshan and john abraham be gayish?Is it ? Well it cannot be.
I am not a gay , get that? I AM NOT A GAY
But i am 23 , 23 effing years old .
Another one of my friend girl , thulu , once told me that it is actually nice to be a virgin . She says it is wonderful to be with one partner for an entire life time .
Now just imagine these conditions ,
1#I stay virgin , my parents find me a educated well behaved good looking girl , and on our honeymoon ,she tells me that "this is not the right way to do it dear husband , are you doing this for the first time ?"
2#I stay virgin , my wife too a virgin , and we live happily . When i finally die and go to heaven , god will ask me , "what on earth were you doing in there for all these years you fool , you just spoiled the only one chance you had to live !!! "
From 1# and 2# , what do you realise ?
That being a virgin is total shite and thulu , you are wrong , and you are making a mistake by being a virgin .
I have made this new year resolution , of not to be a virgin any more ! I am proud of that !
But i cannot actually do it with any girl you know , i mean certain conditions must be satisfied
1#She should not be a whore (literally ) , and i will not pay her for sex
2#She should like me , and really should enjoy being with me
3#point 2 vice versa
4#She should be hot , and should smell good
5#She should not have any plans to marry me
6#She should love me for the time being
7#She should not call me when i am not interested in speaking to her .
8#I will not stop smoking or drinking for her
9#I should not feel sad when she finally leaves me
10#She should not like Shah rukh khan , and should like cricket and football
11#I should not cheat her in any way
and most importantly
I should not fall in love with her .
Ok , those are the few simple conditions that i have , but then i cannot find a girl who matches the above criteria .
When there are idiots who make make out every weekend , i am sitting here staring at the stars and my neighbors bedroom window , you girls out there , you are missing out on something . I mean , i am hot and handsome , smart and funny , educated and employed .
I think she is going to sleep now *
I am a useless guy , really . With all the abilities and capabilities , i am just wasting my life . You know , just imagine being with one girl for a life time . YUCK, one girl ? Its like wearing the same underwear for a life time
Ok , now what if she is a virgin , it could be a bit better , something like wearing a clean Jockey underwear for a life time , but it still is so stinky!!
Yea , she is off to sleep , Damn *
Im so pissed off !!
May be it was better to be a gay or impotent !
*I was looking out to my neighbors window , where a hot girl lives . I am trying to grab her attention for past 4 weeks , but she just dont care . It had just been yet another bad night for me !!
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