I am caught in nostalgia today. Love life is the best when it comes to thinking about the past.
I remember this girl from 5th standard.I don't really remember her name or her face , but she definitely fall in to the one of my earliest love interests. She was fair , and..., and that's it. I changed school the next year , and i forgot her.
Then i think i had plenty of love interests. As a matter of fact , i was in love with almost every girl , or rather , i expected at least one of them to have a crush on me.But it never happened , i think they were also thinking the same way. I did flirt even those days, and i am sure many of the girls loved that. But nothing really important happened.I remember a rumor that one of the bad looking girls were in love with me , but there was no proper evidence for that and i was not interested in verifying.
Probably somewhere in 12th standard, is where she would have come. I was dying to flirt those days , but did not really have great chances with a strict and traditional school in Kerala. And then she was there - fair , hot and cute new comer of 11th.I made a bet with my friends on her , and thus it happened. I thought she would not give a damn about me , and would be surrounded by plenty of guys .But it was not so , and it was easy for me.
She had a card shop , which was quite near to my house. I went there once , twice , and i think that did it.I kept it as a secret to my friends , and agreed that i lost the bet.
One day she came to my house and i served her grape juice .This incident broke out in school , and several friends kissed me as they thought she kissed me. I felt like a hero !
And then it happened ,I kissed for the first time in my life. I also did several other things for the first time in my life.
Did i love her ? I don't know , but i am sure neither of us really did knew what the meaning of love is. No one knows , at 18 . It is just a fantasy , a beautiful fantasy(which should happen to everyone). And i am sure we lived in that fantasy ,for 2-3 years. I even went up to the limit of telling both our parents that i wanted to marry her. There had been lot of problems , very much like a movie story, rich girl , big family , threats , and the climax.
The climax is a bit different in this story though . We both moved to Coimbatore for college and then we started to experience a new world of freedom and friends. Frustration kept on piling up inside me about the relationship.I did not like the way she lived and neither did she like mine.I really wanted to break the shackles and live a free life but my 'commitment' did not let me do it.
And thus it happened , one day , she called me and told me that its over. I agreed. We decided to part ways. I felt relieved.
After a week or so , i bought a present for her birthday and called her. It was switched off.
Tried home , friends and every one . No news.
After a few months after her disappearance , i learned that she has ran away with someone .I met her brother whom i thought hated me , but then realised was a fine person. He explained whatever he knew and we decided to do a search for her.
Did i pursue the search for the girl who left me ? No . By that time , i also had left her , and i was sure enjoying my freedom. I started doping and drinking , and many a time blamed it on her , which i now realize was just an excuse.
I loved the fact that i could now sleep with any women, and decided never to fall in love again. My 'sleeping with several women' stories are there in my previous posts. Check it out if you are ready to 'lol' at me.
And thus it ended , my first love. It was followed up with several other 'flings' or short term assignments. My primary requirement was sex ,with some romancing and a little bit of sharing.I always made sure whenever it was about to get serious ,put an end to it and run away from it.
Frankly , i was scared to fall in love.
Then , recently , i decided to change .Is it because i fell heads over heals in love with someone? Is it because love happens to every one ? No , i don't think so . I dont think i am in love even now. But yes ,things have changed. I sometimes wonder if this is yet another practical adjustment that i have made to my life. I am finding it so tough to accept this new phase , but still holding on .
Tired of writing , let 'what happened to me recently' be a surprise , which i will try to cover in another post.
Showing posts with label love life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love life. Show all posts
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The biggest challenge in life !
You know what the biggest challenge in life is ?
It is to identify what you really want in life ., and have the courage to believe and pursue it.
Im 25 years old and i am so confused . The problem is that , i kinda know what i want in life , but i am lacking the courage to pursue it .Let me explain ,
Current situation :
I am a network engineer , i earn a decent salary , i do a nice job , and i live in Chennai. I have loads of friends and contacts in here , i love the place except for the weather.
What i want in life :
I want to be a successful engineer , earning a huge salary. I want to be a writer ,i want to make a movie , i want to run a business , i want to be involved with the film industry and i want to take care of my family . I want to be closer to my girl.
What the problem is :
" Hey , where is your son now ? My son is in US/UK ."
" Hey , where is your brother now ? "
" Hey , so where is your boyfriend ? "
" Why cant he go to US ? "
" Oh , he has never been there ? I been in 3 countries "
" You dont know man , the blondes! Oh , i love Europe "
Another reason , is .., any guesses ?
Ha ha , you got it .Its her !
She is in Europe and loves the place . I am not blaming her , its just the difference in perception . I want to be near to her , and is worried whether i would lose her if we continue this long distance thing for a long time . But if i force her to come back here , she wont be happy . So whats the option left ? She might end up getting a job there , and why would her parents have to think about me then ?
The 'US Mappilai' is available for plenty .
When i think about it , if i really try , i would get a PR . But then , what for ? Work experience ? When it comes to computer engineering , i dont think there is anything much for me to 'experience' in there . Everything there is outsourced here.
How about my movie dreams ? People say that i can still do a course or something there. But , i already have good connections in here , and when it comes to movie industry, contacts are the most important thing .
How about my family ? Do i really want to leave them and live there ?
And all this for what ?
Yes , i love Europe and America , i love football , the snowfall , the culture . But , i just want see all that , i dont want to live there .
If i am a little patient , i am sure i would get a chance to travel . But i am getting impatient .
Why is this happening to me ? Why cant i believe in what i want , and just be patient ?
Am i doing a wrong thing by staying back here ? I am not sure , but i feel this is the right thing . This girl i am speaking about is sensible , and would understand me . But still , certain things confuse me .
What you guys say ? Should i follow what the society is asking me to do or should i follow what my heart says ?
What is more important ? Your dreams or your love ?
Would i be doing a mistake by following what my heart says ? and more importantly , what is the meaning of ,
"Its your call buddy" ???
It is to identify what you really want in life ., and have the courage to believe and pursue it.
Im 25 years old and i am so confused . The problem is that , i kinda know what i want in life , but i am lacking the courage to pursue it .Let me explain ,
Current situation :
I am a network engineer , i earn a decent salary , i do a nice job , and i live in Chennai. I have loads of friends and contacts in here , i love the place except for the weather.
What i want in life :
I want to be a successful engineer , earning a huge salary. I want to be a writer ,i want to make a movie , i want to run a business , i want to be involved with the film industry and i want to take care of my family . I want to be closer to my girl.
What the problem is :
" Hey , where is your son now ? My son is in US/UK ."
" Hey , where is your brother now ? "
" Hey , so where is your boyfriend ? "
" Why cant he go to US ? "
" Oh , he has never been there ? I been in 3 countries "
" You dont know man , the blondes! Oh , i love Europe "
Another reason , is .., any guesses ?
Ha ha , you got it .Its her !
She is in Europe and loves the place . I am not blaming her , its just the difference in perception . I want to be near to her , and is worried whether i would lose her if we continue this long distance thing for a long time . But if i force her to come back here , she wont be happy . So whats the option left ? She might end up getting a job there , and why would her parents have to think about me then ?
The 'US Mappilai' is available for plenty .
When i think about it , if i really try , i would get a PR . But then , what for ? Work experience ? When it comes to computer engineering , i dont think there is anything much for me to 'experience' in there . Everything there is outsourced here.
How about my movie dreams ? People say that i can still do a course or something there. But , i already have good connections in here , and when it comes to movie industry, contacts are the most important thing .
How about my family ? Do i really want to leave them and live there ?
And all this for what ?
Yes , i love Europe and America , i love football , the snowfall , the culture . But , i just want see all that , i dont want to live there .
If i am a little patient , i am sure i would get a chance to travel . But i am getting impatient .
Why is this happening to me ? Why cant i believe in what i want , and just be patient ?
Am i doing a wrong thing by staying back here ? I am not sure , but i feel this is the right thing . This girl i am speaking about is sensible , and would understand me . But still , certain things confuse me .
What you guys say ? Should i follow what the society is asking me to do or should i follow what my heart says ?
What is more important ? Your dreams or your love ?
Would i be doing a mistake by following what my heart says ? and more importantly , what is the meaning of ,
"Its your call buddy" ???
Monday, March 1, 2010
The girl is here , again !
Actually , i want to hug her tight and kiss her and tell her that I LOVE YOU .
But , i am not doing so. That is because , i am not sure whether she feels the same way i do .And moreover , she needs time . So do i . May be this is still infactuation between us , may be there is a better man for her and better girl for me . We are no one to predict future , are we ?
One thing i am sure about though , is that i want her to be happy . I dont know how much she cares about me , and i dont want to know . All i know is that ,
I care for her ,a lot !
May be we may not get together , but still i want her to be next to me , i want to take care of her , and make her happy .
I thought of telling all this to her , but then , whats the point ? This is something that someone should feel , not force . We have some time to pass between before we may meet again , and at that point , if i feel that she does care for me , i may propose her . Else , i am happy to pass it as a beautiful dream ,something which was never mine .
I know people have started hating this blog , because of this love-bullshitting , but i dont care . This place is only for me , just to write whatever i feel .
But , i am not doing so. That is because , i am not sure whether she feels the same way i do .And moreover , she needs time . So do i . May be this is still infactuation between us , may be there is a better man for her and better girl for me . We are no one to predict future , are we ?
One thing i am sure about though , is that i want her to be happy . I dont know how much she cares about me , and i dont want to know . All i know is that ,
I care for her ,a lot !
May be we may not get together , but still i want her to be next to me , i want to take care of her , and make her happy .
I thought of telling all this to her , but then , whats the point ? This is something that someone should feel , not force . We have some time to pass between before we may meet again , and at that point , if i feel that she does care for me , i may propose her . Else , i am happy to pass it as a beautiful dream ,something which was never mine .
I know people have started hating this blog , because of this love-bullshitting , but i dont care . This place is only for me , just to write whatever i feel .
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Love - Pheno Vs Menon
Yea , i know it sounds stupid , silly and seriously bullshit .
But , i cant help it ,at 25 years and 5 months , i realise that love exists . Its not the mother's love that i mean ,the love of a partner .
No , i dont have a partner as of today , i am not in love as of today . All i am saying is that i believe that it exists . I understands that true love happens to only 1 in a 100 , but i will live with a hope that i am that one . I have never felt like this before , and i have always tried to ditch love for sex and fun .I have made mistakes in life , but i want to correct myself.
I am not saying that i have turned a saint , but i want to be in a realistic relation. I want to meet someone who loves me , the way i am , i want to love her (yea,im straight) , and i want to have kids like her .
Conversation between Pheno and Menon to continue .,
"Fuck Menon , you are drunk... "
"Its alright Pheno , you are just a disguise of what menon is "
"Do you think i am like you ? No way , i want to fuck many girls"
"Ofcourse , you may do that as well ,but you are not going to enjoy a bit of it.Believe in me , there is girl waiting for you"
"Dudeee , give me a break . You have no control of what to happen next "
"So what , hope makes life . I may not find her , but i will live with the dreams of finding her . I may get married to anyone my mom suggests ,but for sure , i will love her , will be faithful and good to her .. for a lifetime "
"Man, give me a break , lets talk when you are in your senses"
"Godnight Pheno , see you tomorrow"
But , i cant help it ,at 25 years and 5 months , i realise that love exists . Its not the mother's love that i mean ,the love of a partner .
No , i dont have a partner as of today , i am not in love as of today . All i am saying is that i believe that it exists . I understands that true love happens to only 1 in a 100 , but i will live with a hope that i am that one . I have never felt like this before , and i have always tried to ditch love for sex and fun .I have made mistakes in life , but i want to correct myself.
I am not saying that i have turned a saint , but i want to be in a realistic relation. I want to meet someone who loves me , the way i am , i want to love her (yea,im straight) , and i want to have kids like her .
Conversation between Pheno and Menon to continue .,
"Fuck Menon , you are drunk... "
"Its alright Pheno , you are just a disguise of what menon is "
"Do you think i am like you ? No way , i want to fuck many girls"
"Ofcourse , you may do that as well ,but you are not going to enjoy a bit of it.Believe in me , there is girl waiting for you"
"Dudeee , give me a break . You have no control of what to happen next "
"So what , hope makes life . I may not find her , but i will live with the dreams of finding her . I may get married to anyone my mom suggests ,but for sure , i will love her , will be faithful and good to her .. for a lifetime "
"Man, give me a break , lets talk when you are in your senses"
"Godnight Pheno , see you tomorrow"
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valnetines day - Times have changed .
Times have changed , look at the V day wishes post i made last year ..
http://the-phenomenon-world.blogspot.com/2009/02/valentines-day-thoughts.html
I was like that ., fooling around girls and flirting , never cared about LOVE and emotions .
The last year had been a very important year for me . I realised several things in my life . I dont know if it was because i grew older , but i believe its because of the experiences that i had with relations .
You all know about this girl i have been going ga-ga for a long time . We talked briefly yesterday , and i made sure there are no intimate talks happening . This girl has played a major role in the turnover of my thoughts .
The most important change is that i have started to believe in love . It does not mean i am in love or being loved , but i now believe that it exists somewhere in the world . Also , for the first time in my life , i am expecting some girl with whom i can truly fall in love with .
Thats my heart speaking , but my brain still tells me that it can only happen to people of one in a billion . I am not expecting anything , especially for the way i had been all these days ., but if i get a chance , i am sure i would really like to fall in love .
Coming back to this girl , she has played an important role to make me feel this .Please note that we have never proposed , nor do i think that we are in love.But she had been a wonderful support and has given me meaningful suggestions to improve my life . She always understood me really well .
Now you would be thinking that 'Why are you not in LOVE' . Well , i dont really know , but speaking about marriage and love , i am not sure if we would make it a success. She is a wonderful friend , and i want it to stay like that , but the moment i start to think of her as a partner , a lot of bad things creep in to my mind , and we screw up the relation . At this point , i dont really think we will make a successful pair , especially because we are both similar kind and will not give up anything for another person .
Another change that has happened to me recently is that , i have started to respect women a lot more . I no longer walk around and call every other girl as a bitch . I feel that women deserve some respect .
The girl has definitely influenced me in improving my personality . As she always says , everything happens for good . She has also helped in improving my headache and stomach pain , but i shall forgive that .
I dont call her , scrap her , or send an email . I do this not because i dont think of her , as a matter of fact there is not a single day where i dont think of her , and pray for her ., but it is because at the moment , i believe there is no point in dragging a relation that i dont think would be a success .I tried several times to get back to her just for the heck of it , but whenever i did that it ended up in trouble . I am letting her live her life , and hoping that she understands me .
One thing is for sure , i only want to see her happy , where ever she is , whatever she is doing .
Belated Valentines day wishes to all . Some day , i will also celebrate a V day with someone i love :)
What the fuck , that was too sentimental emotional shit !!! :P
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The Sine Wave of Life !
Ok , my serious boring posts continue , the following are the highlights of the things that happened recently .
1. I got an offer from a better company . Pretty decent offer , i think i will go for it . Final negotiations are going on .Thank you god . Please continue praying for me .
2. The girl whom i first had a relation with , which went pretty seriously (for me) for a long time . She talked to me after a long time . She told me that she has fallen in love with one of my friends , and is looking forward to marriage . I was really happy . I am praying for her these days .
I am wondering what the heck is wrong with me . I should be pissed off and would want to pray that she gets screwed up with that relation ,especially since she defined that 'Menon , what we had was just a crush ' . Why is that for every gal that has a relation with me , its just a crush always ? Anyways , i cannot curse her , my feeling for her true , i want her to be happy , and i will continue to pray for her .
I am not pretending or trying to do this , but unfortunately , it seems that i am a good man .
3. Claps and Boos got released :) Please join in and make it a success .
4. I am becoming more focussed on my life and career , i realise that is what gives me the most pleasure . I wana write stories , screenplays , make another short , make c&b bigger and better , study hard and work well ...
Yes , there are certain things that are missing in life , but not everyone gets everything in life . I am happy with chasing my dreams .
5. Reduced drinking to a great extend .
6. Cannot flirt anymore . May be i have grown up or there is something else that is stopping me . But i am going to listen to my heart and not flirt .
7. Every now and then , i see her , i feel her . Alrite , i know this is serious bullshitting , and 'it was only a crush Menon' . But , unfortunately its not that easy for me . I am trying not to speak to her . As always , i just want her to be happy , and i am hoping that one day i would find my love.
Ha ha , look at that ... PhenoMenon just said that he hopes he would fall in love one day ... ROFL . Life is so interesting babe ., one bizarre sine wave . ...
PS: Girl mentioned in 7) is different from the one in 2)
1. I got an offer from a better company . Pretty decent offer , i think i will go for it . Final negotiations are going on .Thank you god . Please continue praying for me .
2. The girl whom i first had a relation with , which went pretty seriously (for me) for a long time . She talked to me after a long time . She told me that she has fallen in love with one of my friends , and is looking forward to marriage . I was really happy . I am praying for her these days .
I am wondering what the heck is wrong with me . I should be pissed off and would want to pray that she gets screwed up with that relation ,especially since she defined that 'Menon , what we had was just a crush ' . Why is that for every gal that has a relation with me , its just a crush always ? Anyways , i cannot curse her , my feeling for her true , i want her to be happy , and i will continue to pray for her .
I am not pretending or trying to do this , but unfortunately , it seems that i am a good man .
3. Claps and Boos got released :) Please join in and make it a success .
4. I am becoming more focussed on my life and career , i realise that is what gives me the most pleasure . I wana write stories , screenplays , make another short , make c&b bigger and better , study hard and work well ...
Yes , there are certain things that are missing in life , but not everyone gets everything in life . I am happy with chasing my dreams .
5. Reduced drinking to a great extend .
6. Cannot flirt anymore . May be i have grown up or there is something else that is stopping me . But i am going to listen to my heart and not flirt .
7. Every now and then , i see her , i feel her . Alrite , i know this is serious bullshitting , and 'it was only a crush Menon' . But , unfortunately its not that easy for me . I am trying not to speak to her . As always , i just want her to be happy , and i am hoping that one day i would find my love.
Ha ha , look at that ... PhenoMenon just said that he hopes he would fall in love one day ... ROFL . Life is so interesting babe ., one bizarre sine wave . ...
PS: Girl mentioned in 7) is different from the one in 2)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Success ? Loser stories continued !
I screwed up a relationship with a girl i really love .
I dont want to get into details
But i know 51 % fault is with me
May be we are incompatible .
She is the modern kind who looks for practical things
I am the traditional assole .
Anyways , i am fucked
I feel that the best thing to do at this point would be
NOT to disturb or bother her . I think she deserve better ... A real practical , new world man !!
Let me do that , let me pray for her . I cannot stand her being sad ...
OK, enough of my Romeo stories ...
Get back to life ..
I know there is no life called as love life for me ...
But i still know that there are so many things to do for me in this world
FOR the world ...
So let me do that ..
No more expectations from relations ...
No more falling in love ...
Let me do what i am supposed to do..
And let me make the whole world happy ...
:)
I dont want to get into details
But i know 51 % fault is with me
May be we are incompatible .
She is the modern kind who looks for practical things
I am the traditional assole .
Anyways , i am fucked
I feel that the best thing to do at this point would be
NOT to disturb or bother her . I think she deserve better ... A real practical , new world man !!
Let me do that , let me pray for her . I cannot stand her being sad ...
OK, enough of my Romeo stories ...
Get back to life ..
I know there is no life called as love life for me ...
But i still know that there are so many things to do for me in this world
FOR the world ...
So let me do that ..
No more expectations from relations ...
No more falling in love ...
Let me do what i am supposed to do..
And let me make the whole world happy ...
:)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Another dR day !
Im Drunk ,
So i can write i whatever i want ....
"
When i seee you , i run out of words to say ..
i wouldnt leave you , coz you are that type of girl , to make me stay
I see the guys tryna holla , girl i don wana bother you ..
Coz you are INDEPENDANT , and you got MY attention ... "
Ketttooodiiii ?? Patti ????
Song - contnues
"Can i be your baby father , girl i just wana show you ..
That i love what you are doing hah ..
I see you in the club , you getting down good ...
I WANA GET WITH YOU "
But what can i do with that ? There are better Irish and scottish and richer guys than me ... Fuck that .. Let me continue singing ...
"You are so beautiful ., so DAMN beautiful....
I said , you are so beautiful ., so (Fucking) damn so beautiful ....
So beautiful ... beautiful ... "
Ok , none of the people who are gona comment here ask me why i am so depressed with love . Ask that B**ch ... Why cant she just tell me that she wana live with me ??
OK , relax Menon , after all , love is kinda beautiful thing , and you are not good when it comes to making a good lover .
I was screwing the bedsheet when i first did it !
I have no clue why i said that now . Its just a advice for people like my friend Jupiter who are gona get married ,and who have never done 'THAT' .
Sex apart , i am stopping this bullshitting now , i cannot be focused all this 'love thing now , got better things to do in life . Im going to Landmark to buy books ..
C ya
Btw , whats wrong in screwing the bedsheet ? It was so dark afterall !
So i can write i whatever i want ....
"
When i seee you , i run out of words to say ..
i wouldnt leave you , coz you are that type of girl , to make me stay
I see the guys tryna holla , girl i don wana bother you ..
Coz you are INDEPENDANT , and you got MY attention ... "
Ketttooodiiii ?? Patti ????
Song - contnues
"Can i be your baby father , girl i just wana show you ..
That i love what you are doing hah ..
I see you in the club , you getting down good ...
I WANA GET WITH YOU "
But what can i do with that ? There are better Irish and scottish and richer guys than me ... Fuck that .. Let me continue singing ...
"You are so beautiful ., so DAMN beautiful....
I said , you are so beautiful ., so (Fucking) damn so beautiful ....
So beautiful ... beautiful ... "
Ok , none of the people who are gona comment here ask me why i am so depressed with love . Ask that B**ch ... Why cant she just tell me that she wana live with me ??
OK , relax Menon , after all , love is kinda beautiful thing , and you are not good when it comes to making a good lover .
I was screwing the bedsheet when i first did it !
I have no clue why i said that now . Its just a advice for people like my friend Jupiter who are gona get married ,and who have never done 'THAT' .
Sex apart , i am stopping this bullshitting now , i cannot be focused all this 'love thing now , got better things to do in life . Im going to Landmark to buy books ..
C ya
Btw , whats wrong in screwing the bedsheet ? It was so dark afterall !
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Letters , Words ,Aimlessness ,Confusions and Love
What happens when someone starts writing something with no aim , no plans , no ideas ?
I love a girl , but I cannot be with her . Why ? I don’t know .
I like network engineering , I like talking to Americans .
I am in love with cinemas ., nothing gives me more pleasure than making films .
I am the most confused soul in the world
I go for jogging everyday
I get stomach pains whenever I get tensed
Past one week was the most disturbing time in my life in recent times .
I was a happy man till I fell for her , I was even more happier when I was with her , now that I decided to break up with her , I am shattered .
Don’t worry Menon , you will get over this .
I know where it all started , that was when I told her that I want to break up this relation .
My tears stop at the edge of my eyes , I cant cry . Its been ages since I have cried .
I am thinking of all the dirtiest things possible about her with the misconception that I would hate her eventually
I feel there is nothing better than her in this world
I LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOVEEEEEEEEEEE YOUUUUUUUUUUU …. I feel like screaming …..
I am a fucked up Devdas
What is that I want in life ?
I don’t want to go to UAE . Please mom , pleaseee , don’t force me
I want to do Film making course in LFS. It costs around 32 L, INR . I realize that it is just a dream , it will never happen .
The most important thing in this world is money
I realize that she is going to get another man soon . With her charm , beauty and smartness , that will be very easy for her .
God , please let me cry … please
I cant blame her . She is not like me , she is a very practical person .Why should she stay committed to a assole like me ?
I need to understand something here . No One in this world can understand Menon . I don’t expect that to happen .
What does love mean ? Does it mean , understanding someone truly ? Why cant she understand me ?
"What you expect Menon ? How can I understand you ? How long I can wait for you ? You were never bothered about me . I didn’t want to screw my life being with you , so I decided to be with this person . He is nice , normal man , who loves me , unlike you ."
Do you guys think I am mad ?
What is that I want in life ?
I think i am mad.
I want to be a film maker , I want to make many beautiful films
I want to write beautiful stories
I want to be rich and powerful … Oooooh., nothing is better than that
If you have money 80% of your problems are solved
I miss you my dear , I will never forget you . I LOVE YOU , I really do , right from the bottom of my heart ..
I can live without you , I can live as long as I have my dreams
But still I love you
I want to go abroad and study the best in the film making industry
The song Bas Ek Pal , is repeating for atleast 12th time now .I am not bored. I am not doped .
Menon , I told you many times not to fall in love . You cant handle it . All your manliness , all your strength all your everything , just fades away . Still you took that chance . Its your mistake . You should have never tried that .Never !!
Letters , words – They are magical . When your fingertips touch the keyboard , it’s a beautiful feeling . Can I just keep writing till the end of my life ? If some one asks me , what is that aspect that you are 100% sure in the world . My answer would be instantaneous . I love writing . No no , writing is in love with me .Unconditionally . I can feel it , everytime , in MSWord , in that A4 sheet or even the bedsheet or wall where I scribble random things .
I want to write , I want to write till the end of my life .
Thank you Sindhu Teacher . Thank you for calling up my mom , and telling her that her son in 7th standard is a wonderful writer . If you have never said that , i would have never wrote any more , i would have never felt this happiness .
I don’t want to stop here , I want to write more , please ., why is that there should be an ending to every writing ? Pleassee …. Let me write ….
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Love - Pain in the a$$
Yet again , i am worried , confused and drunk .
Let me come straight in to the point , i kinda like a girl these days . When i say like , i am not sure if i am in love or anything ,may be because i dont really believe in it .
The thing is that , she is pretty awesome . Hot,intelligent and smart ! Whats more ,she is younger than me , of my same caste/creed and has similar attitude towards life . So we were going out pretty happily for past 5-6 months .
Now , there is a problem . She has left India , and probably we wont be seeing for next 1-2 years . Oops !
I am pretty happy that she is happy down there (well,i am bit jealous as well , as i have never been outside India) .I would want her to enjoy her life and have fun .
BUT . I feel bit uncomfortable these days . I feel that she would go on to find some one better , some one who would give her a lot of surprises and gifts (which i never did) , and ultimately , she would have physical relationship with him !!
I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!
I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!
I am heart broken . , and i am like "Why does the bitch have to doooo thhaat??? "
Ok , wait a minute . She is a good woman ., and she is not that bitchy kind .Why am i overdoing things here ?
I never proposed her , though i always knew she would accept it . I did not do that coz, i never believed in long distance relations . As my friend 'lineproducer' told me yesterday ,-"Out of sight is like Out of Mind" .
And there is another reason why i did not propose . I wanted to have sex with many women before i marry.
So look at me now . I really like this girl , but i am afraid of getting on to commitment . And more over , i would want to give her that time and space rather than taking a hasty decision . So i am not committed , and i dont worry about her .
But its not like that .Coz i am thinking about her a lot these days . Fuck it ! Moreover , i am not really feeling like going out with another girl !! In short , everything is screwed !
Sighhhh.....
Ok , my decision is correct . Let her live her life , and if she finds a better guy , let her be with him .It would have been worser if that happened after we got committed . Btw , lets pray she never finds anyone better .
I am not going to try some other girl(atleast for now) . I dont feel like doing it ., im fucking getting old , and i have a lot more important things to do in life .
The simplest way that a man can be happy , is by having a unconditional relationship with a woman .You dont lose anything by loving some one .., despite what she gives in return .Go watch Forrest Gump today .
There are lot more things happening in my life these days . Will let you know .
I feel so very better after writing this . Nothing gives me more pleasure than writing .
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I was Busy !
Long time , since i have written anything in here , but seriously , I was very Busy
Do i have another post just like this one ?Damn !
Ok , alright ., so as you would have read in the previous post , i had been behind that goose most of the time . And fuck , she hides well (If i make the goose a 'he' , i may sound gay) .
I started making a short film , after that long wait . But it is still incomplete . I will write another big bloody post about all the struggles and fun and diarrheas that i had to face in the process
I am wondering whether i am becoming normal in my personal life . I no longer spend days and months thinking about how to flirt and have sex (though i have hardly succeeded) . I recently went out on a date with a gal , and gosh! ., i was so bored . The same dialogues , the same places , the same style . I am seriously bored of this ..
There is another romantic part that is developing in my life . Fuck , i dont understand why these things are happening to me !I was not like this last time i wrote a post in here .
Did some one do an Illunga surgery on me ? Or is it just that i am getting older ?
Anyways , as my editor always says , lets keep it short ! I will come back with other great stories later :)
PS: There is nothing called as IIIunga surgery , i just used the toughest word in english so that you people would go crazy about it !
http://www.proz.com/forum/linguistics/22232-illunga_tops_ten_toughest_words_that_leave_translators_tongue_tied-.html
Do i have another post just like this one ?Damn !
Ok , alright ., so as you would have read in the previous post , i had been behind that goose most of the time . And fuck , she hides well (If i make the goose a 'he' , i may sound gay) .
I started making a short film , after that long wait . But it is still incomplete . I will write another big bloody post about all the struggles and fun and diarrheas that i had to face in the process
I am wondering whether i am becoming normal in my personal life . I no longer spend days and months thinking about how to flirt and have sex (though i have hardly succeeded) . I recently went out on a date with a gal , and gosh! ., i was so bored . The same dialogues , the same places , the same style . I am seriously bored of this ..
There is another romantic part that is developing in my life . Fuck , i dont understand why these things are happening to me !I was not like this last time i wrote a post in here .
Did some one do an Illunga surgery on me ? Or is it just that i am getting older ?
Anyways , as my editor always says , lets keep it short ! I will come back with other great stories later :)
PS: There is nothing called as IIIunga surgery , i just used the toughest word in english so that you people would go crazy about it !
http://www.proz.com/forum/linguistics/22232-illunga_tops_ten_toughest_words_that_leave_translators_tongue_tied-.html
Monday, February 9, 2009
Valentines Day thoughts
Ahh .. Valentine's day . This time its a Saturday , wow! Thats great news !
Whats the use of a valentine's day if you have to go to office , call your partner every half an hour , tell her how much you miss her and then in the evening , go out tired with her , doze off in between that 'valentine's day dinner' and go back home and complain yourself how sick the day was .
No worries this time folks , its a Saturday .
Wait a minute , why am i so excited after all ? :O
It will be the same old Feb 14 for me , as it was for most of the past 15 years (I am not taking my love life before 10 seriously) . These are the things that i would do this V day as well .
#Expect that some strange girl would call me
#Expect that some girl would come and talk to me
#Expect that the girls who are giving me looks are thinking of proposing me
And at about 9PM in the evening , when none of the above happens , i will feel bad , wonder why there is no girl in this whole world who would want to be my valentine . Then i will think about one or two of those valentine's days that i have actually celebrated , wonder how much i miss her and related shite thoughts .
At about 11.30 PM , i will be glad that i am still single , that i can drink , smoke and do what i feel like doing without any one pissing me off every now and then . Now thats a wonderful feeling , better than the 'feel of love' .
OK, alright ,i am not going to spoil the valentine's day mood , so i am gona give my suggestions for all those boyfriends/wanabe boyfriends .
*When you meet her , look at her eyes for about 8-10 secs and tell her 'You are looking so beautiful' . Trust me guys , there is no girl in this world who would not fall for that .
*Do not look and enjoy her body in the begining of the day , i will tell you when you can do that . Try to make her laugh .
*If you are eating lunch , eat well .Do not show formalities here , else ,you will get tired for activities later in the day . Make sure that you care about what she eats as well
*Tell her that you love cooking and learning different languages , but never got a chance till date .
*Make her feel like she is a smart woman,even though most girls are dump .
*If you are in for a movie , you can hold her hands or put your hands around ,but dont overdo things now . Most girls wants to feel that she is secured and loved and cared .
*Take her for a long drive in the evening .Tell her that she has got wonderful hair
*Take her to a dinner to a crowded restaurant and tell her that you are gona kiss her there ,then watch her get upset , and then tease her as far as you can , and kiss her when you are about to leave , preferably at the exit door , and give tips to the smiling watchman.
*Tell her that it would have been great if everyday was like this ,and how much you love her .
------Optional - Do not try if you are not sure -----------
*Ask her if she really wants to go home/hostel tonight . There is a late night party at a near by restaurant , which would be wonderful . (Now hold your breath and pray )
"Now what the hell was that menon ? Oh cmon ,you just have one intention , dont you ? Sex Sex Sex "
Alright , i didnt mean that . I am sure , even if she rejects and goes back home ,if you really love her , you would have enjoyed the day , and will definitely keep dreaming for the rest of the day .
So all valentines , enjoy the day , but drive safely :) If you need any kind of advices or tips ,do email/message me ,i am mostly jobless.
Alright , let me go and decide what i am wearing on saturday , i need to Google and find out what those colors correspond to !
Whats the use of a valentine's day if you have to go to office , call your partner every half an hour , tell her how much you miss her and then in the evening , go out tired with her , doze off in between that 'valentine's day dinner' and go back home and complain yourself how sick the day was .
No worries this time folks , its a Saturday .
Wait a minute , why am i so excited after all ? :O
It will be the same old Feb 14 for me , as it was for most of the past 15 years (I am not taking my love life before 10 seriously) . These are the things that i would do this V day as well .
#Expect that some strange girl would call me
#Expect that some girl would come and talk to me
#Expect that the girls who are giving me looks are thinking of proposing me
And at about 9PM in the evening , when none of the above happens , i will feel bad , wonder why there is no girl in this whole world who would want to be my valentine . Then i will think about one or two of those valentine's days that i have actually celebrated , wonder how much i miss her and related shite thoughts .
At about 11.30 PM , i will be glad that i am still single , that i can drink , smoke and do what i feel like doing without any one pissing me off every now and then . Now thats a wonderful feeling , better than the 'feel of love' .
OK, alright ,i am not going to spoil the valentine's day mood , so i am gona give my suggestions for all those boyfriends/wanabe boyfriends .
*When you meet her , look at her eyes for about 8-10 secs and tell her 'You are looking so beautiful' . Trust me guys , there is no girl in this world who would not fall for that .
*Do not look and enjoy her body in the begining of the day , i will tell you when you can do that . Try to make her laugh .
*If you are eating lunch , eat well .Do not show formalities here , else ,you will get tired for activities later in the day . Make sure that you care about what she eats as well
*Tell her that you love cooking and learning different languages , but never got a chance till date .
*Make her feel like she is a smart woman,even though most girls are dump .
*If you are in for a movie , you can hold her hands or put your hands around ,but dont overdo things now . Most girls wants to feel that she is secured and loved and cared .
*Take her for a long drive in the evening .Tell her that she has got wonderful hair
*Take her to a dinner to a crowded restaurant and tell her that you are gona kiss her there ,then watch her get upset , and then tease her as far as you can , and kiss her when you are about to leave , preferably at the exit door , and give tips to the smiling watchman.
*Tell her that it would have been great if everyday was like this ,and how much you love her .
------Optional - Do not try if you are not sure -----------
*Ask her if she really wants to go home/hostel tonight . There is a late night party at a near by restaurant , which would be wonderful . (Now hold your breath and pray )
"Now what the hell was that menon ? Oh cmon ,you just have one intention , dont you ? Sex Sex Sex "
Alright , i didnt mean that . I am sure , even if she rejects and goes back home ,if you really love her , you would have enjoyed the day , and will definitely keep dreaming for the rest of the day .
So all valentines , enjoy the day , but drive safely :) If you need any kind of advices or tips ,do email/message me ,i am mostly jobless.
Alright , let me go and decide what i am wearing on saturday , i need to Google and find out what those colors correspond to !
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Smooch Story
Oops , i did it again !
Britney would not have said that more than what i would have .
Well ., as you all expected this is another post on my never ending search of a good bitchy girl .
So , getting straight into the point ,. i smooched a girl last week . It was not such smo00ch smooch but it was better than just a French kiss . I really loved it for several reasons ., if you guys have read the virginity issue you would know what kind of a girl that i had been looking over the years. And you know what ?This was such a perfect match ., now listen carefully ..,
8:00 PM :I meet her
8:10 PM :We shake hands . I realise that she is not so cute but so hot .
8:30 PM :We go out in my bike to buy some stuff .
8:33 PM :I realise that she is bit too close than what usually a girl would be .
8:40 PM:I stop to buy some stuff . I notice that almost everyone out there is noticing HER (now that did hurt my ego ., look at me bastards )
8:45 PM:I decide to give it a try . I tell her that she is so cute (Trust me guys ., there is nothing better to make a girl happy than to tell her that she is beautiful)
8:45:30 :She tells me that i too look so cute and fresh (Fresh ? Thats odd, did she mean hot ?)
8:50 PM:I ask her to kiss me . (We are in the bike still,but its fun to kiss while driving)
8:50-9:10 : As all other girls would do , she teases me saying no , though i knew that she would definitely kiss me (I should actually write a book on Girls psychology )
9:15 PM: Finally she kisses me . I realise that it had been more than an year since i have kissed any girl . What a loser i am !
9:20 PM:We go back home
9:20 - 10:20 : Nothing much happens as my friends were there , except a few touchings and fondlings whenever we got a chance .
10:30 PM: She asked me whether we can dance (Oh hell yea , though i know only street dancing)
10:35 PM: Smchs after smchs (thats the short form that im gona use , im tired of typing that word) as All our friends were some where outside the room .
10:50 PM: I realise that she is too drunk , and i asked her whether she can come with me .
10:51 PM: She made me realise that she is a good drunkard , as she told me that she wont come with me tonight .
11:00 PM: Having realised that nothing's gona happen , i finish the remaining beers and call up my friends to leave .
11:10 PM:We are about to leave , she calls me up , and gives me her phone number and tells me "You call me next sunday and you can take me where ever you want "
End of description .
Now you see , thats the best thing that can happen to any man . Some hot girl , Not in love with me , do not want to marry me , thinks that i am hot , and she do not have the sick old traditional values .
Any man would have had a great time the next sunday .
But you see , this is phenomenon . And people who have read my blog would know that as usual , i would screw this thing up .And i did .........., Oops i did it again !
There is something strange with me ., because though i tried to call her (and her mobile was switched off) , i did not try hard to get in touch with her again after that night . When the next friday came , i thought about it , and decided to do it this time atleast .
But i dont know why guys ., i did not feel like going for it . I pity myself .,but again i cannot help it .Im like this , some one who would cry that i dont get any chances , but the fact is that even if i get it , il screw it up like this .
Sunday came ,I met one of my old friends who was taking a short film , and spend the whole day discussing about the script and other stuff . Finally when i came back in the evening ., i tried to figure out whats wrong in me .
I cant find an answer , but the point is that , though i crib over it again and again ,somewhere i get a feeling that i dont want to do it for the heck of doing it ..I dont know ., but there is something else that is necessary to be with some one ..more than just alcohol and hormones .
Hmm.. So another chapter gets closed . And i am back to level 0 . As always , lets hope i would cross levels atleast next time ...
Britney would not have said that more than what i would have .
Well ., as you all expected this is another post on my never ending search of a good bitchy girl .
So , getting straight into the point ,. i smooched a girl last week . It was not such smo00ch smooch but it was better than just a French kiss . I really loved it for several reasons ., if you guys have read the virginity issue you would know what kind of a girl that i had been looking over the years. And you know what ?This was such a perfect match ., now listen carefully ..,
8:00 PM :I meet her
8:10 PM :We shake hands . I realise that she is not so cute but so hot .
8:30 PM :We go out in my bike to buy some stuff .
8:33 PM :I realise that she is bit too close than what usually a girl would be .
8:40 PM:I stop to buy some stuff . I notice that almost everyone out there is noticing HER (now that did hurt my ego ., look at me bastards )
8:45 PM:I decide to give it a try . I tell her that she is so cute (Trust me guys ., there is nothing better to make a girl happy than to tell her that she is beautiful)
8:45:30 :She tells me that i too look so cute and fresh (Fresh ? Thats odd, did she mean hot ?)
8:50 PM:I ask her to kiss me . (We are in the bike still,but its fun to kiss while driving)
8:50-9:10 : As all other girls would do , she teases me saying no , though i knew that she would definitely kiss me (I should actually write a book on Girls psychology )
9:15 PM: Finally she kisses me . I realise that it had been more than an year since i have kissed any girl . What a loser i am !
9:20 PM:We go back home
9:20 - 10:20 : Nothing much happens as my friends were there , except a few touchings and fondlings whenever we got a chance .
10:30 PM: She asked me whether we can dance (Oh hell yea , though i know only street dancing)
10:35 PM: Smchs after smchs (thats the short form that im gona use , im tired of typing that word) as All our friends were some where outside the room .
10:50 PM: I realise that she is too drunk , and i asked her whether she can come with me .
10:51 PM: She made me realise that she is a good drunkard , as she told me that she wont come with me tonight .
11:00 PM: Having realised that nothing's gona happen , i finish the remaining beers and call up my friends to leave .
11:10 PM:We are about to leave , she calls me up , and gives me her phone number and tells me "You call me next sunday and you can take me where ever you want "
End of description .
Now you see , thats the best thing that can happen to any man . Some hot girl , Not in love with me , do not want to marry me , thinks that i am hot , and she do not have the sick old traditional values .
Any man would have had a great time the next sunday .
But you see , this is phenomenon . And people who have read my blog would know that as usual , i would screw this thing up .And i did .........., Oops i did it again !
There is something strange with me ., because though i tried to call her (and her mobile was switched off) , i did not try hard to get in touch with her again after that night . When the next friday came , i thought about it , and decided to do it this time atleast .
But i dont know why guys ., i did not feel like going for it . I pity myself .,but again i cannot help it .Im like this , some one who would cry that i dont get any chances , but the fact is that even if i get it , il screw it up like this .
Sunday came ,I met one of my old friends who was taking a short film , and spend the whole day discussing about the script and other stuff . Finally when i came back in the evening ., i tried to figure out whats wrong in me .
I cant find an answer , but the point is that , though i crib over it again and again ,somewhere i get a feeling that i dont want to do it for the heck of doing it ..I dont know ., but there is something else that is necessary to be with some one ..more than just alcohol and hormones .
Hmm.. So another chapter gets closed . And i am back to level 0 . As always , lets hope i would cross levels atleast next time ...
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Missed you all
Its been a long time .
2 months to be exact , and i missed you all .
Lot of things happened around me , and i was so involved in many things for such a long period that i could just not get enough time to sit back and write something . Thanks to tata indicom as well , it took almost a month to get my internet transferred to my new place .
So to start with .,
I moved . I am living with themusicdirector(tmd) now . I am starting to like the new place , except for the fucked up house owner (again) and the sick switches .
I visited and stayed at my ancestral place for some time , it was great .
My sis and family were here for the vacation . My nephew Achu simply rocks !!
I am almost a drunkard now .
3 of my ex girlfriends came back to me ., and i am confused again .
I want to leave cochin desperately . I just cannot stay in once place or be with one girl for a long time .
One gorgeous girl whom i had a crush on is not speaking to me coz she read my blog , and thinks that i am the dirtiest guy she had ever seen .
I realised again that i am in deep love with computers and my bike . Its almost impossible for me to live a life without them . Its true love what i have with them , no sex involved .
I got salary appraisal .
I have put down a lot of weight ., some 2-3 kilos . I have treasured each and every milligram that i have put till i became 70 kg last month , and now , its all gone in a week , and i am back to 65 .
I was hit by a very very bad fever . And those 3 days were the worst days of my life in the recent past .
I am getting really frustrated coz i am not going to gym or doing anything physical , but drinking and smoking a lot .
And I passed CCNP with 98 % . Oh God , thank you so much . I am so happy that my efforts were paid off .
Manchester United are the Champions of Europe !!!! Glory Glory Manchester united !!! Cut me through i will bleed red , Man United till death !!!
I found and spoke to some one , who had made a lot of difference in my life . Quite unexpected . And we spoke as if , nothing has happened in the past 3-4 years . That was very strange ., but i loved it .
I am working with my friend to make a short film , lets pray that it works out well .
So may things , this life is interesting, isnt it ?
2 months to be exact , and i missed you all .
Lot of things happened around me , and i was so involved in many things for such a long period that i could just not get enough time to sit back and write something . Thanks to tata indicom as well , it took almost a month to get my internet transferred to my new place .
So to start with .,
I moved . I am living with themusicdirector(tmd) now . I am starting to like the new place , except for the fucked up house owner (again) and the sick switches .
I visited and stayed at my ancestral place for some time , it was great .
My sis and family were here for the vacation . My nephew Achu simply rocks !!
I am almost a drunkard now .
3 of my ex girlfriends came back to me ., and i am confused again .
I want to leave cochin desperately . I just cannot stay in once place or be with one girl for a long time .
One gorgeous girl whom i had a crush on is not speaking to me coz she read my blog , and thinks that i am the dirtiest guy she had ever seen .
I realised again that i am in deep love with computers and my bike . Its almost impossible for me to live a life without them . Its true love what i have with them , no sex involved .
I got salary appraisal .
I have put down a lot of weight ., some 2-3 kilos . I have treasured each and every milligram that i have put till i became 70 kg last month , and now , its all gone in a week , and i am back to 65 .
I was hit by a very very bad fever . And those 3 days were the worst days of my life in the recent past .
I am getting really frustrated coz i am not going to gym or doing anything physical , but drinking and smoking a lot .
And I passed CCNP with 98 % . Oh God , thank you so much . I am so happy that my efforts were paid off .
Manchester United are the Champions of Europe !!!! Glory Glory Manchester united !!! Cut me through i will bleed red , Man United till death !!!
I found and spoke to some one , who had made a lot of difference in my life . Quite unexpected . And we spoke as if , nothing has happened in the past 3-4 years . That was very strange ., but i loved it .
I am working with my friend to make a short film , lets pray that it works out well .
So may things , this life is interesting, isnt it ?
Monday, March 24, 2008
Bye Bye Angel
I have been listening to all these romantic songs for a few hours now , and hence i feel a bit romantic , or rather, sad .
Statuatory warning : I am going to be unlike phenomenon in this post , going to be a very boring old love story and related sentiments .
I wanted to say bye to angel .
I have had been with many girls , in love with many girls . Some have been special , that is , a very few have actually loved (kind of ) me too .
And Angel is one of them , special , she will always be
I met her in the last year of my college , and had been with me for a about one n half years , before , as usual , i forced a break up .
The way we got hooked up was amazing . It was actually so unrealistic , that even if i tell you , you wont believe it .
I mean , we met in a Mall in chennai , and we spoke for about 10 minutes , and that was it , we got hooked up .
And that was the greatest achievement till date in my flirt life . 10 minutes , and you have made a chick (she is/was hot ) fall heads over heals !! Wow !! fantastic Menon , fantastic !!
Ok , as usual , my intention was to , hmmm , do it ! :-P
Cmon guys , we all fall in love for that , i dont think there could be anything more than physical attraction in the first sight !
So there we were , in love !
I play smart with girls . I mean , i have this small egos , like i will not propose first , i will not kiss her first etc etc . So at the end of the day , i could say , "Hey ,.. you did it first , not me '
I know thats cheap , but what to do , i am like this guys !
You guys know what ? I am such an unlucky asshole . Because everytime i hook up with a girl ,i expect them to be bitches , but then , i get the best girls , i mean , the GOOD Girls !!
And being such a fucked up good guy , i will not feel like cheating them and hence , effing them !! :-(
So that happened with angel . I did not wanted to cheat her , or use her . She used to be so good to me , so supportive , so caring , so inspiring . And you know what , she is one of the girls that phenomenon repects in this world . Thats some achievement , not many girls have earned that .
I remember the evenings we used to spend in beaches/theatres/coffeeday , and everything.
One night when she dropped me back in my place , i kissed her right in the middle of the road , (empty road) . That was so romantic , and we both loved it !
The main reason why she earned my respect was not beacuse she loved me or cared me . But because she was not just another girl . She is someone who i always happy , so hardworking that i myself felt ashamed of being so lazy , earns her pocket money by tough part time jobs , studies well , take care of family , cooks , does household things and then , finds a lot of time for me .
Seriously , you are a wonderful person , someone whom i must look out and learn a lot .
Only thing that i did not actually like in her is that she was too lean and was a bit boringly romantic .
So the big question , why the fuck did you break up with her ?
And the answer is , hmmm ., i dont know
She was north Indian , and i felt her and family and mine will never go well together . And then , she had a great future in modelling . I was such a fucked up asshole , who would not want his girl to be model , or be exposing , and all other silly stupid thing'ies of a south indian man .
I hate my Indian insticts some times ., damn !
So hence , i had two choices , either take her , ask her to quit modelling and all , or else , leave her and let her prosper .
Ok , now when i say i opted for the second choice , dont think it was because i am such a good man or anything . It was because of several other crappy ideas of mine
But for sure , i did not wanted to interrupt he bright future , and wanted to see her growing up bigger and better in her career .Thats the love factor
And then , i do not like to get committed , even if she is the best girl , i feel tied up , i feel i am losing my freedom , and why the hell should i do it , when i have a option ? See , if you are married , you cant say , this , atleast let me do it now .
So my ego + stupidity + love ended up in me neglecting her for atleast one year , when she waited for me .
Now last month when i called her up, before the valentines day , she told me that there was this cute guy , who is from her own community , rich and handsome , who is proposing her for some time , and she asked me what to do .
I being such a great man , told her , to go ahead and not wait for me .
And then i did not get a call from her on v day , which i usually do get for past 3-4 years .
And last week when i called her up , she was not speaking properly to me , and she asked
"Can you please call me after sometime ? Hmm... i am with ... Mr..... "
When i hung up the phone , i felt bad , realy bad and sad .
She has never told me that before , and that was the moment that i realised that she was gone , gone forever .
She called me the next day , i did not pick , nor did i call back . It will be better if it ends here . ,and let me forget her .
I dont know why i am writing all this , but then , we all have such times in our lives , dont we ? And i am pretty sure she will not come across this blog , and hence its all safe .
I am not regretting my decision , i know i have made the right decision , but still , you know , it hurts .
And angel , i wish you all the best wishes , be happy !
And me ?Ha Ha , i love writing , and searching for new girls so that i can continue writing blogs like this............... LOLs.... Crazy me !
Statuatory warning : I am going to be unlike phenomenon in this post , going to be a very boring old love story and related sentiments .
I wanted to say bye to angel .
I have had been with many girls , in love with many girls . Some have been special , that is , a very few have actually loved (kind of ) me too .
And Angel is one of them , special , she will always be
I met her in the last year of my college , and had been with me for a about one n half years , before , as usual , i forced a break up .
The way we got hooked up was amazing . It was actually so unrealistic , that even if i tell you , you wont believe it .
I mean , we met in a Mall in chennai , and we spoke for about 10 minutes , and that was it , we got hooked up .
And that was the greatest achievement till date in my flirt life . 10 minutes , and you have made a chick (she is/was hot ) fall heads over heals !! Wow !! fantastic Menon , fantastic !!
Ok , as usual , my intention was to , hmmm , do it ! :-P
Cmon guys , we all fall in love for that , i dont think there could be anything more than physical attraction in the first sight !
So there we were , in love !
I play smart with girls . I mean , i have this small egos , like i will not propose first , i will not kiss her first etc etc . So at the end of the day , i could say , "Hey ,.. you did it first , not me '
I know thats cheap , but what to do , i am like this guys !
You guys know what ? I am such an unlucky asshole . Because everytime i hook up with a girl ,i expect them to be bitches , but then , i get the best girls , i mean , the GOOD Girls !!
And being such a fucked up good guy , i will not feel like cheating them and hence , effing them !! :-(
So that happened with angel . I did not wanted to cheat her , or use her . She used to be so good to me , so supportive , so caring , so inspiring . And you know what , she is one of the girls that phenomenon repects in this world . Thats some achievement , not many girls have earned that .
I remember the evenings we used to spend in beaches/theatres/coffeeday , and everything.
One night when she dropped me back in my place , i kissed her right in the middle of the road , (empty road) . That was so romantic , and we both loved it !
The main reason why she earned my respect was not beacuse she loved me or cared me . But because she was not just another girl . She is someone who i always happy , so hardworking that i myself felt ashamed of being so lazy , earns her pocket money by tough part time jobs , studies well , take care of family , cooks , does household things and then , finds a lot of time for me .
Seriously , you are a wonderful person , someone whom i must look out and learn a lot .
Only thing that i did not actually like in her is that she was too lean and was a bit boringly romantic .
So the big question , why the fuck did you break up with her ?
And the answer is , hmmm ., i dont know
She was north Indian , and i felt her and family and mine will never go well together . And then , she had a great future in modelling . I was such a fucked up asshole , who would not want his girl to be model , or be exposing , and all other silly stupid thing'ies of a south indian man .
I hate my Indian insticts some times ., damn !
So hence , i had two choices , either take her , ask her to quit modelling and all , or else , leave her and let her prosper .
Ok , now when i say i opted for the second choice , dont think it was because i am such a good man or anything . It was because of several other crappy ideas of mine
But for sure , i did not wanted to interrupt he bright future , and wanted to see her growing up bigger and better in her career .Thats the love factor
And then , i do not like to get committed , even if she is the best girl , i feel tied up , i feel i am losing my freedom , and why the hell should i do it , when i have a option ? See , if you are married , you cant say , this , atleast let me do it now .
So my ego + stupidity + love ended up in me neglecting her for atleast one year , when she waited for me .
Now last month when i called her up, before the valentines day , she told me that there was this cute guy , who is from her own community , rich and handsome , who is proposing her for some time , and she asked me what to do .
I being such a great man , told her , to go ahead and not wait for me .
And then i did not get a call from her on v day , which i usually do get for past 3-4 years .
And last week when i called her up , she was not speaking properly to me , and she asked
"Can you please call me after sometime ? Hmm... i am with ... Mr..... "
When i hung up the phone , i felt bad , realy bad and sad .
She has never told me that before , and that was the moment that i realised that she was gone , gone forever .
She called me the next day , i did not pick , nor did i call back . It will be better if it ends here . ,and let me forget her .
I dont know why i am writing all this , but then , we all have such times in our lives , dont we ? And i am pretty sure she will not come across this blog , and hence its all safe .
I am not regretting my decision , i know i have made the right decision , but still , you know , it hurts .
And angel , i wish you all the best wishes , be happy !
And me ?Ha Ha , i love writing , and searching for new girls so that i can continue writing blogs like this............... LOLs.... Crazy me !
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