Life of tiny balls in a enclosed box

This world is like a enclosed box ,with a tiny hole in it.Lots of little colored balls are inside it. Some one shakes the box all the time trying to get those balls out, and the tiny little balls move around rapidly , randomly with few going out through the exit all the time.

Some balls get out early and some others stay for longer , but eventually all gets out.

The areas touched by balls could be the same , could be different , but a better probability is that more balls get to touch the same areas .Of course there are a few balls which get to touch that tiny corner which most others don't.

Every ball is colored differently, but each ball feels the color of others are better.

Balls try to understand the process of movement and get into a channel which could take them to softer patches , and avoid going out through the tiny hole. However ,no calculation ever works perfectly as these balls have no control over the hand which shakes the box.

The question is , does the hand itself know what is happening inside the box ? Does the hand have any priorities ? Or it just want to get everything out ? Question is unanswered till date.

One thing is for sure , all the balls will go out one day. And the box will be refilled with something else , something the hand wants to put in, or may be , the box itself would be thrown away.

Haunted by broken dreams

# Wanted to live in a foreign country (not middle east).

# Wanted to be with female friends all around me, having fun and partying.

# Never wanted to be in a relationship.

None of the above worked for me. I am haunted by this, always , and i think these are the reasons why i am not happy at all.

The first one was never pursued becoz my brain told me that this is where i have a future. And also , did not have enough money.

Second one never worked out with me. I coould not cheat , i could not take sex easy , and thus I could not sleep with many women., i feel like a loser.

Third one , i dont know why it happened. I dont even know if i am in love. But i care for her , i wants her to be happy, i dont like her compromising anything for me, i just cant make her sad.

The bottom line is that i dont know how i can make myself happy. Tried so many different things in life , even now i am trying my level best to 'understand others' , 'understand that life is like this' ,'understand that no one is happy' , 'understand that its all mind games' ... whatever the fuck , i am not happy ,and thats it.

Fucking hell .. those dreams of mine will never be achieved. Those were the things one can do when they are young... and im over that age...

Anyways , forget it .. life has to move on . Atleast i will try my level best to contribute something to this world . May be my dreams did not work out , but i will try to make others come true , and try to find pleasure in watching them...

Being jealous , and being sick about it.

Its about 6 AM on a cold friday morning in Chennai.I have not properly slept for past 36 hours or so. This night , i was working. Sitting in my office , with about 100 cubicles around me , all empty. Nothing else , other than me and the desktop with two monitors. Atleast there were two monitors . I consider them as my companions.., "i ain't alone" ,i proudly say to the reflection on the window panels.

I came back home at about 5 , as i felt i needed some sleep. Rolled over in bed, could not get sleep.Tried to cry ,tears dont come out. Fuck , i cant even cry..(well, its been so for a long time now) .. And here i am , this is the only place i can escape to , whenever i am in trouble., my writing desk, and my wonderful blog , which i am so glad that no one is reading , so that i can write freely in here , more or less like my diary.

Any one want to know why i was trying to cry ? Yeah , partially because i was not able to sleep, but more because i feel so bloody low. I talked to this person who is one of the most important people of my life , some one whom i love so much, and hate as well. The hate factor is actually being built from my 'feeling low' state ., and the other way , some sort of a vicious circle it forms by itself.

After ages of accusing that person for my own pathetic being , i am starting to realise that the real problem lies within me , and not her(ok,i have given away the gender suspense of my character). It all comes down to one simple word , 'Jealousy'. I am so fucking jealous of the life that she has.,and i feel so terrible about the life that i have. I have listened to you all, i have tried to understand that everyone would feel so.. i have told to myself a 100 thousand time that , "you are doing good".

But ., i am sorry., i am just not able to convince myself. I have tried to show off to everyone how wonderful i am. I have a decent job , i earn well , i take care of my mother, i am being a good brother , great at work , gets appreciation from managers and colleagues , runs a small business of my own, has made a short film, writes decently ., and so on. But even when i say this , to which everyone , including her,accepts , but yet on the back of my mind , i know that i am not living the life that she is. She may not have any of which mentioned above , but she lives with friends., she lives in Europe(a place which i have always dreamt of being to) , and she parties every week. All that she bothers is about shopping , meeting and partying with friends , trips and so on. Lets take the 'she' off here , as i feel i am blaming her , and lets make it 'they' . Now , if you look at them , they all have a international degree as well , and would obviously end up in a high profile job. Ok , the toughness of getting job and all that crap would be there , but at the end of the day , they would all end up having same or better salary than me.Where as , i have struggled to reach here. I mean , i studied in India, in a engineering college , with a educational loan , where i had to struggle day in and day out , living the ordinary life of any other mid-level college student.I had my own share of fun , but it was nothing like this.One major mistake , one simple yet big mistake that i made on those days , which i feel has turned around my life from good-bad , was the fact that i did not take my campus interviews seriously. One mistake , and it took me about 3 years to recover my life from that single simple mistake.

While i say all this , let me make one more thing clear. If Gods are reading this , please skip. I am very glad about what you have given me from time to time. Good health , good family , good friends , good job , everything.The problem i have has got nothing to do with Gods ., and i sincerely hope that they would forgive me for this sick jealousy that i have developed. Not just Gods , i cant blame anyone . I dont want others, whom i am jealous of., to do bad , i want all to be happy , but still i am so sad that i dont have the happiness that they have.

The way they live , is what i wanted. Living in Europe with guys and gals together , studying in super good college with little work , partying and having fun , and once it ends , get a good job , and settle with family.

So why didnt it happen for me like that ? I am 26 now , and i am almost out of my 'young' ages. These things will not happen to me ever again , i have missed the chance , and it makes me feel more sick.

May be because of the choices i made in life. I always wanted to do everything by my own. And thank God, i have achieved things., but never made it to the heights i wanted.i thought of staying away and being focussed on my career and future , and here i am , at the verge of being an uncle , and looking pathetically back at a young age which could have been well used and enjoyed . What have i gained by being planned and being dedicated and hard working ? What have i gained by taking the tough route than the easy one ? Nothing ! No fucking thing !!

I have lived a tough life , a very tough one where nothing came easy for me. I had to struggle and earn each and everything that i have today. I hate to see others who get it easy. One big question that looms over me day in and day out is "When i have worked harder , better than others .., why do they have a better life than me ?"

However , i have decided to stop whining. It is just making me look even more pathetic. I am going to accept the small life i had/have , and enjoy it to the level best.I know i would never get the life that they are living , but there is nothing much i can do about it now.It was all my decisions/priorities that took me here. I would work hard , and i may achieve something when i am old and ugly , but that i dont think will replace the young life that i have lost.

Thanks to my blog , i feel better now. I hope no one reads this , because i am not sure how people would interpret this. Even if one of you from 'them' reads this , please understand that even though i am jealous of what you have , i would only pray for you to be happy , and wish you to have that forever .

Random lines , will be a poetry one day

I don't know what is that revolves around others , but definitely , my world revolves around you ...

May be technically wrong , but you are definitely the most beautiful girl in the world...

I was always afraid of singing , but now i know i can even sing in Hindi ,and its definitely coz of you ...

I think i know my problem

Yes , that is correct . I thought about it , in clear mind.

I am someone who has always been driven by my brain . I mean , there is hardly anything that i does without thinking about it . Not just thinking , i think a LOT for every small thing. I want to make sure it will be successful , beneficial and worth my time before i do it . This has helped me in being a better planned for future , but at the same time , i think i am losing my life. Or in other words ,i am being too old for myself.

For everything that i do , i make this analysis - Whether i have materialistic gain or just personal happiness . Most often , i give the primary importance to the task which gives me materisalistic benefits, sacrificing my happiness.

Remember i keep yelling about not being able to write anything ? This is the reason .I can write only from my heart , and not from my brain. But when the latter is in control all the time , how could i write a sentance ?


I am not trying to say that i am miserable , not at all . I have a comfortable,healthy life and i thank the almighty for that . But if you ask me if i am enjoying my life , the way a young man should , i dont know . I am seeing a girl, i have friends , i am planning to buy a car .. Thats nice , isnt it ?

But hold on , there is another side to this ., the girl i am seeing is not near to me , my friends are not really rocking as such , Chennai is not truly a happening place , and i presently dont have a car . Get the drift ?

Again , thinking about it , i realise what my solution can be .. Its just that i need to be happy with what i have , and understand that there are worser people around me . Yes , thats what i need to do .I need to understand that not everyone gets everything , may be this is what i am not supposed to get . And i am fine with it , and very happy for others who have it :)

Love life nostalgia

I am caught in nostalgia today. Love life is the best when it comes to thinking about the past.

I remember this girl from 5th standard.I don't really remember her name or her face , but she definitely fall in to the one of my earliest love interests. She was fair , and..., and that's it. I changed school the next year , and i forgot her.

Then i think i had plenty of love interests. As a matter of fact , i was in love with almost every girl , or rather , i expected at least one of them to have a crush on me.But it never happened , i think they were also thinking the same way. I did flirt even those days, and i am sure many of the girls loved that. But nothing really important happened.I remember a rumor that one of the bad looking girls were in love with me , but there was no proper evidence for that and i was not interested in verifying.

Probably somewhere in 12th standard, is where she would have come. I was dying to flirt those days , but did not really have great chances with a strict and traditional school in Kerala. And then she was there - fair , hot and cute new comer of 11th.I made a bet with my friends on her , and thus it happened. I thought she would not give a damn about me , and would be surrounded by plenty of guys .But it was not so , and it was easy for me.

She had a card shop , which was quite near to my house. I went there once , twice , and i think that did it.I kept it as a secret to my friends , and agreed that i lost the bet.

One day she came to my house and i served her grape juice .This incident broke out in school , and several friends kissed me as they thought she kissed me. I felt like a hero !

And then it happened ,I kissed for the first time in my life. I also did several other things for the first time in my life.

Did i love her ? I don't know , but i am sure neither of us really did knew what the meaning of love is. No one knows , at 18 . It is just a fantasy , a beautiful fantasy(which should happen to everyone). And i am sure we lived in that fantasy ,for 2-3 years. I even went up to the limit of telling both our parents that i wanted to marry her. There had been lot of problems , very much like a movie story, rich girl , big family , threats , and the climax.

The climax is a bit different in this story though . We both moved to Coimbatore for college and then we started to experience a new world of freedom and friends. Frustration kept on piling up inside me about the relationship.I did not like the way she lived and neither did she like mine.I really wanted to break the shackles and live a free life but my 'commitment' did not let me do it.

And thus it happened , one day , she called me and told me that its over. I agreed. We decided to part ways. I felt relieved.

After a week or so , i bought a present for her birthday and called her. It was switched off.

Tried home , friends and every one . No news.

After a few months after her disappearance , i learned that she has ran away with someone .I met her brother whom i thought hated me , but then realised was a fine person. He explained whatever he knew and we decided to do a search for her.

Did i pursue the search for the girl who left me ? No . By that time , i also had left her , and i was sure enjoying my freedom. I started doping and drinking , and many a time blamed it on her , which i now realize was just an excuse.

I loved the fact that i could now sleep with any women, and decided never to fall in love again. My 'sleeping with several women' stories are there in my previous posts. Check it out if you are ready to 'lol' at me.

And thus it ended , my first love. It was followed up with several other 'flings' or short term assignments. My primary requirement was sex ,with some romancing and a little bit of sharing.I always made sure whenever it was about to get serious ,put an end to it and run away from it.

Frankly , i was scared to fall in love.

Then , recently , i decided to change .Is it because i fell heads over heals in love with someone? Is it because love happens to every one ? No , i don't think so . I dont think i am in love even now. But yes ,things have changed. I sometimes wonder if this is yet another practical adjustment that i have made to my life. I am finding it so tough to accept this new phase , but still holding on .

Tired of writing , let 'what happened to me recently' be a surprise , which i will try to cover in another post.

Recreating Magic , can i ?

Couple of years back , when i was in Cochin , Mom got a transfer and i ended being alone at home. I have never known what it was like to be alone till then , but when i got a taste of it , i loved it.

I had everything i wanted , my own space , TV , Internet , kitchen , bike , everything , just for me. No one to bother , no one to watch . I could dance when i want , i could make my own schedules , i could write in peace. Wow !!

Eventually i moved to Chennai , with my friends. I would not say i did'nt enjoy it., but then i always used to cherish those memories of being alone. I would always tell my room mates how wonderful it is to be alone , and they thought i was crazy. But i kept a secret promise to myself to move as soon as i have chance and money.

And thus it happened, i moved last month . Small , neat house. I made sure i had everything like earlier , i wanted to recreate that magic . Even my new job matched my desires , i mostly work on single shifts, where i get to see no one .

I should be loving this , but am i ? What is bothering me now ? Did i get used to being in company ? Is it unnecessary tensions of the career and future ? Is it the girl ?

I want to recreate that magic . I want to be so free .., me and the world , all alone ... I want to write beautiful stories. I want to read them again and again , and fall in love with them , and then hate them. I want to study networking , i want to drink listening to soft music, send smokes towards the skies. I want to swim , i want to love people around me .I want to cook , and eat it all by myself ...

Will i recreate the magic?

Little things that i love

# Planes

Zhooooom..... Here he comes , down , down , down .., sharp big face and hands spread out.I love it even better if there is a visible blade on the wings . The Cargo ones are my favourite , they are the biggest !!

# Cats

Last week a small one got trapped in our Kitchen. He was as small as my palm , but when i went near him , he was like 'Aghhhh ... Grhmmmmm ..Grrrggg' . Thats attitude man !

# Tigers/Dogs

I will get a dog as soon as i am settled somewhere , and i will adopt a tiger before i die.

# Little girls

I have talked about this earlier , just re emphasizing the fact that i am crazy about little girls.

# Saloon

I love going to a Saloon . I dont know why , but i really like when i am sitting there and some one playing with my hair .

# My blog

I am in love with my blog. The best thing is that i have absolute freedom here , no one reads this , yet i get the pleasure of talking to the whole world.

Will come back and edit this post later ..

The biggest challenge in life !

You know what the biggest challenge in life is ?

It is to identify what you really want in life ., and have the courage to believe and pursue it.

Im 25 years old and i am so confused . The problem is that , i kinda know what i want in life , but i am lacking the courage to pursue it .Let me explain ,

Current situation :

I am a network engineer , i earn a decent salary , i do a nice job , and i live in Chennai. I have loads of friends and contacts in here , i love the place except for the weather.

What i want in life :

I want to be a successful engineer , earning a huge salary. I want to be a writer ,i want to make a movie , i want to run a business , i want to be involved with the film industry and i want to take care of my family . I want to be closer to my girl.

What the problem is :

" Hey , where is your son now ? My son is in US/UK ."

" Hey , where is your brother now ? "

" Hey , so where is your boyfriend ? "

" Why cant he go to US ? "

" Oh , he has never been there ? I been in 3 countries "

" You dont know man , the blondes! Oh , i love Europe "

Another reason , is .., any guesses ?

Ha ha , you got it .Its her !

She is in Europe and loves the place . I am not blaming her , its just the difference in perception . I want to be near to her , and is worried whether i would lose her if we continue this long distance thing for a long time . But if i force her to come back here , she wont be happy . So whats the option left ? She might end up getting a job there , and why would her parents have to think about me then ?

The 'US Mappilai' is available for plenty .


When i think about it , if i really try , i would get a PR . But then , what for ? Work experience ? When it comes to computer engineering , i dont think there is anything much for me to 'experience' in there . Everything there is outsourced here.

How about my movie dreams ? People say that i can still do a course or something there. But , i already have good connections in here , and when it comes to movie industry, contacts are the most important thing .

How about my family ? Do i really want to leave them and live there ?

And all this for what ?

Yes , i love Europe and America , i love football , the snowfall , the culture . But , i just want see all that , i dont want to live there .

If i am a little patient , i am sure i would get a chance to travel . But i am getting impatient .

Why is this happening to me ? Why cant i believe in what i want , and just be patient ?

Am i doing a wrong thing by staying back here ? I am not sure , but i feel this is the right thing . This girl i am speaking about is sensible , and would understand me . But still , certain things confuse me .

What you guys say ? Should i follow what the society is asking me to do or should i follow what my heart says ?

What is more important ? Your dreams or your love ?

Would i be doing a mistake by following what my heart says ? and more importantly , what is the meaning of ,

"Its your call buddy" ???

The girl is here , again !

Actually , i want to hug her tight and kiss her and tell her that I LOVE YOU .

But , i am not doing so. That is because , i am not sure whether she feels the same way i do .And moreover , she needs time . So do i . May be this is still infactuation between us , may be there is a better man for her and better girl for me . We are no one to predict future , are we ?

One thing i am sure about though , is that i want her to be happy . I dont know how much she cares about me , and i dont want to know . All i know is that ,

I care for her ,a lot !

May be we may not get together , but still i want her to be next to me , i want to take care of her , and make her happy .

I thought of telling all this to her , but then , whats the point ? This is something that someone should feel , not force . We have some time to pass between before we may meet again , and at that point , if i feel that she does care for me , i may propose her . Else , i am happy to pass it as a beautiful dream ,something which was never mine .


I know people have started hating this blog , because of this love-bullshitting , but i dont care . This place is only for me , just to write whatever i feel .

So i got a new look !

I mean , my blog got a new look . I still look like that lean ,fair, spectacle'd , genius kinda assole !

Its been a long time since i changed anything in here . Infact , im too lazy to sit back and make my blog look good . Also , if i try to make it too attractive , people may feel that i am girl in disguise . As you all know , i am a male chauvenist !

(WTF is the spelling for Chauvenist ? )

How's this new look ? Is it gona make many girls fall for me ? I have also decided to write more about Gay'ism as well .There is an increasing number of gays these days . I have recently discovered that Gay'ism is a contageous disease and its spreading fast in my office . Dont worry , i have decided to change the project .

How wonderful it will be if all the guys change to gay and i am the only one left ? I will have all the girls in the world .

What a fucked up thought . I just forgot for a moment that i am a male chauvenist !


Well guys , i am just trying to be funny . I know there is nothing to lol , and i am sorry that i dont deliver such goods these days . You know the stuff i've been going through , and i am in a recovery period. But things are way better now , and i feel that the recovery angel is almost near my door .






Shit ! There really is a recovery agent at my door . He , however will be looking for my credit card !

Post to feel good !

Im not feeling good , so thought of writing something .

Things are all pretty fine , however , i am still not enjoying myself .

I make my life complicated all by myself . May be its a hangover of a pretty bad season ,hope things will be better soon .

I want to get back in to that full fledged - high spirited PhenoMenon., asap .

I am not writing much in here these days , because i feel i am boring you guys , and that is visible by the lesser number of people who visit my blog these days . Am i becoming too serious with life ?

Well , if not here , i am back writing reviews and articles on movies . I have been asked to promote claps and boos in my blog , so check the following links ,

http://www.clapsandboos.com/mindspeak/4b5f016057377d2edd000001

http://www.clapsandboos.com/mindspeak/4b59bd8757377d753f000003

Can some one please tell me how i can be more popular on the blog world ? Till date i have not bothered to promote my blog coz i write here just to get the pleasure of writing . Now i would like to do so .

Other things in life include , being sleepless for past two days , working non stop on one thing or the other , and as always , worried about the gal . OK , i am not going to start writing on anymore 'gal' things , i know i have already dragged it too far .



Is this the most boring post that i ever wrote in this blog ? :P

The Sine Wave of Life !

Ok , my serious boring posts continue , the following are the highlights of the things that happened recently .

1. I got an offer from a better company . Pretty decent offer , i think i will go for it . Final negotiations are going on .Thank you god . Please continue praying for me .

2. The girl whom i first had a relation with , which went pretty seriously (for me) for a long time . She talked to me after a long time . She told me that she has fallen in love with one of my friends , and is looking forward to marriage . I was really happy . I am praying for her these days .

I am wondering what the heck is wrong with me . I should be pissed off and would want to pray that she gets screwed up with that relation ,especially since she defined that 'Menon , what we had was just a crush ' . Why is that for every gal that has a relation with me , its just a crush always ? Anyways , i cannot curse her , my feeling for her true , i want her to be happy , and i will continue to pray for her .

I am not pretending or trying to do this , but unfortunately , it seems that i am a good man .

3. Claps and Boos got released :) Please join in and make it a success .

4. I am becoming more focussed on my life and career , i realise that is what gives me the most pleasure . I wana write stories , screenplays , make another short , make c&b bigger and better , study hard and work well ...

Yes , there are certain things that are missing in life , but not everyone gets everything in life . I am happy with chasing my dreams .

5. Reduced drinking to a great extend .

6. Cannot flirt anymore . May be i have grown up or there is something else that is stopping me . But i am going to listen to my heart and not flirt .

7. Every now and then , i see her , i feel her . Alrite , i know this is serious bullshitting , and 'it was only a crush Menon' . But , unfortunately its not that easy for me . I am trying not to speak to her . As always , i just want her to be happy , and i am hoping that one day i would find my love.

Ha ha , look at that ... PhenoMenon just said that he hopes he would fall in love one day ... ROFL . Life is so interesting babe ., one bizarre sine wave . ...


PS: Girl mentioned in 7) is different from the one in 2)

Success ? Loser stories continued !

I screwed up a relationship with a girl i really love .

I dont want to get into details

But i know 51 % fault is with me

May be we are incompatible .

She is the modern kind who looks for practical things

I am the traditional assole .

Anyways , i am fucked

I feel that the best thing to do at this point would be

NOT to disturb or bother her . I think she deserve better ... A real practical , new world man !!

Let me do that , let me pray for her . I cannot stand her being sad ...

OK, enough of my Romeo stories ...

Get back to life ..

I know there is no life called as love life for me ...

But i still know that there are so many things to do for me in this world

FOR the world ...

So let me do that ..

No more expectations from relations ...

No more falling in love ...

Let me do what i am supposed to do..

And let me make the whole world happy ...

:)

Mrs Menon in Train

December 24 , Covai Express , 12:30 PM

"Hello , Am i speaking to Pheno Menon" ?

"Yes , who is this ? "

"Sir , we have an opening for network engineer in Chennai, are you looking for a change"

My eyes wide opened - The little girl sitting next gave a nodded response to my smile.

"Oh .. yea , ofcourse .. please go ahead "

"This opening is for network engineer with a reputed MNC in Chennai .They are looking for network engineer with experience in routing , switching , and knowledge in MPLS , you would be sent out to US for a few months of training and .. "

"Wait , which company is it ? "

"Well , this is for XXX Corp sir "

"Hmm , i am not sure whether i would be really interested "

"Why sir , i can guarantee you that they are one of the top companies in India "

"Really ? Then , i dont think their employees would have registered in your portal for a job"

"Sir ... what you mean"

"It means that i am working for them "

"Ohh .. ohh.. Sorry sir ... in that case why dont you refer someone you know " ...

"Well, in that case , why should'nt i take the referral money from my company ? "

"Ohhhh , ha ha ha .. true true sir .. Ok , nice speaking to you "

"I know , its always nice speaking to me , though i am not sure whether its the same the other way around"

I disconnected my call and took a deep breath . Whats more worser that my own company recruiting from all around the globe , but i wont get the right chance ?

Well, Mr.Phenomenon , its always been like that for you , isnt it ? I tried to smile at myself . This time i avoided the girl next to me and instead , turned right .


She smiled back at me . I dropped my smile .

"Hi " She said in a soft voice .

"Hi" . I had to respond

"Are you from Chennai ? Going where ? "

The train has passed Erode and the next stop is Covai . I cant go to California in this train (Thats where all others in the new project would be going to ) . Fuck off old lady .

"Yes , from Chennai to Covai "

She gave me a broad smile . I tried to concentrate back on my book .

"Are you working or studying in Chennai ?"

"Yes , working , at XXX Corp ,as network engineer" .
Not as great as it sounds , all i do is suck some American dicks .

"Ohh .. thats great . Are you malayalee ? "

"Yes , i am from Palakkad " I gave the answer to avoid the next probable question .

"Where in Palakkad? " Her eyebrows shooted up showing her anxiety .

"Well , we were settled in the town , near Manapullikkavu , now we moved to Nemmara"..

"Ohh , is it .. thats so great . we are also from Palakkad " She pointed to the seat in front which was crowded with so many old women .

"Oh great ,. where are you in Chennai? " I had to ask something .

"Well , we are settled in Chennai for about 30 years now , now we are going to Alathur , you know Alathur right ? Thats where my 'tharavadu' is . From there we will go to Thrissur . My younger sister's , daughter's son is getting married " She said in one breath .

"Oh ., thats great"

"I knew you were a malayalee" She smiled as if being a malayalee was the best thing on earth .

"Malayalees can always recognise each other , there is some sixth sense between us"

No one needs a sixth sense to identify a fair , curly haried guy in a Covai express as a malayalee . But still i gave an expression as if to appreciate her sixth sense capabilities .

'Hasili Fisilie rasavadi , un siripilum ...'Girl next to me increased the volume of her China made mobile . Now no one could even hear the train's sound . I felt better so that i can avoid the conversation now .

She patted on my back . There is no stopping a old lady from continuing a conversation.

"Tamil people , no manners , right ?" She gave me a bad face .

I didnt know what to say . I am stuck in between two far ends of a very confusing species called as females . I smiled , which i have learned as the best way to deal with a woman .

"Well .. what is your parents doing ? " Next question

"My father is no more , he was an advocate . My mother retired as Joint director of education and my sister is a lawyer " . I pressed the buzzer and gave the perfect answer in one go .

"Ohh, thats great " She looked excited . I gave a puzzled look

"I mean , i am sorry about your father . These things happen to all good families " She looked down depressed .

Who the fuck told her that ours is a wonderful family ? It just sounds so great.. thats all ..


"And your sister ., she is married , right ? "

"Yea , my nephew is 5 years old " I knew where this was going .

"Thats so great , so where did you study "

"I studied in Chinamaya VIdyalaya "

"Chinmaya ? Which one ? In pallavur " ?

I nodded yes .

"Ohhh wow .... Do you know Bharathi teacher ? She was a principal there ? "

Volcanos erupted inside my head . Do i know her ? Well , she sill never forget my name . I remember the day when she was crying like a little kid in front of all the other teachers and the 5 of us inside the Principals room . "I will never forget you , or what you have done today " I still remember she telling us , with a trembling voice .

For all those who thought that those words have come out of joy , please correct yourself . It was completely the other way around . I will write a different post on that story later .

"Yea , i do " i said softly to my female pal in train .

"Ohhh wow .... " She jumped towards the seat infront of her to catch her relatives . She wanted to tell the whole world about her discovery called as ME . Surprisingly , she stopped on half the way and came back to me .

"Btw , what did you say your name is ? " She sounded really serious this time .

"Pheno" I said

"No no , your full name "

OK , so that was it . I knew this was coming . Malayalee - Palakkad - Unmarried - Well settled family - Good looking (Although most of the factors except the locations are not entirely true in reality)


I looked at her face. She looked like a little kid awaiting permission from her dad to go for playing. This was the last and the most important thing that she wanted to know .

"Menon - Pheno Menon"

"Wow " ... She burst in to joy . She jumped two seats in one go pulling me in her one hand , and we reached right in middle of the entire family .

"Meet PhenoMenon , Bharathi's student , computer engineer " Everyone looked at the new arrival .

I prayed no one would ask about my salary . I kinda enjoyed the attention that i recieved , let them think i am like the other engineer brothers who earned a lakh a month .

" You know we Menon's all understand each other so well "
Another woman who is more older than my pal , took my hand and said . May be Manoj Nite Shyamalan was inspired from this family while making 'The Sixth Sense' .



The events that followed , included me being introduced to each of the family members , and their history , and how we are all distant relatives , and how similar i looked like Santhosh (Ok , i suppose he is some guy in their family) . I finally managed to leave without a family phone number exchange . Thanks to the universal 'i wana go to the bathroom' excuse .

I never went back to my seat , i just stood there near the door . I could see them chatting and pointing at me . I hurried out as the train stopped in Covai .

I wondered whether i made a mistake by not giving the number . The last thing that i want will be a enquiry about me to Bharathi teacher.



Well , the moral of the story is that , if you have to choose between two estrogen filled tanks , go for the youngest one .

New year wishes and resolutions

Wish you all a very happy new year .

My new year party is going to be the same as it always has been , getting drunk with my friends and staying inside home - Terribly boring ? Yes , ofcourse , but i dont have another choice .

May be i could have gone for a party outside , but then , my room mates are not interested , will have to spend a lot of money , will have to drive at night and so many other things .

I am not interested in going out with a girl or something , i would rather be with my friends .

I have never really partied in my life , and the saga continues . Im kinda sad , but there is no other way than being happy with what i have .

I sincerely hope all you guys out there enjoy and party this new year to the max .

I am not keeping any resolutions like 'i wont smoke' or ' i wont drink' . I think i have got my last year resolution worked out which was more about my 'virginity' :P.

However , this time ,i am going for things which i really wana do , like

1. Double my salary .
2. Make another short film .
3. Get my stories published/reach a bigger scale .
4. Work and make c&b big .

At this point , on December 30 , i am feeling pretty very much down . My life is not currently exciting , and i am trying my best to keep the spirits high . Philosophies are all good , but when it comes to my life , it is really difficult to pass through difficult times . I am feeling like a loser in all senses , with my job , with love and all .

I hope next year would be better . God , if you are listening to this , please make my life better next year . Thanks in advance .

Again , wishing you all a very happy new year .


PS:I dont want anyone to come and tell me 'Oh ! What happened , let me console'.
After all , no one give a fuck about others , right ?

Missing Items .

Well,

As usual i have been sitting back and thinking too much (Not literally , i think when i walk , talk , shit etc . Truly multidimensional thinktard* ).

I figured out that there are certain items that had been missing recently .

1. Not writing stories .

Causes :
1.Do not have time
2.Too much bothered about business
3.Too much bothered about studies
4.Too much bothered about a girl
5.Too much bothered about future
6.Too much of thinking
7.Lesser concepts

Analysis of above points :
1.Rejected ! What the fuck are you doing for 24 hours ?
2.Accepted ! Tone down 10%
3.Accepted ! But do not tone down till you find a better job .
4.Accepted ! Cannot think of a resolution . Lets hope you turn gay .
5.Partially accepted ! This is also a future for you .
6.Contradictory ! Thinking is necessary . Just shape it to the right directions.
7.Rejected ! You are PhenoMenon

2. Less humor .

Causes :
1.All of the previous statements
2.Too much of a proffessional approach to life .

Analysis
1.All of the previous statements
2.Accepted ! This ca .....


Wait a minute .Thats it ! Look at the freaking manner in which i am writing . What the fuck is this ? A case evaluation report to my manager ? Oh my ... So thats it ..

I been listening to one of my alter ego's 'Menon' a bit too much these days . I should get back in to the 'pheno' ways soon ...

Hmmmm ...

Ummmmmm ....

Mmmmmhmumhmmm** ...









*Thinktard - Someone who keeps on thinking for a long time . 'tard' has been used to give it the 'bastard' effect .
**The last few crazy letter combinations are used to make you understand the sound effects that are created inside my areola when i have realisations .

Blogging in a Indian train .

Been sometime since i have thought of writing when i am travelling . And finally , here i am., leaning over the window of Korba express , protecting my screen from being smashed by people walking across.

I am travelling from Palakkad to Chennai. Went home for a short vacation . The vacation however turned out to be pretty bad , as i fell sick as soon as i reached there.

I love travelling . And i hate travelling .

Seriously i am not sure which one to give preference .

I hate trains .However, A/C coaches are better . I must dedicate this post to the A/C ticket i managed to get . The normal sleeper class totally freaks me out.

Why on F'ing earth are people littering all over the place ? Its HIGH time that Indian railways do something about it .Give proper waste baskets everywhere in the train, and empty them at constant intervals . I know that people would still do crap , but it can be controlled to a good extend.

Eating inside the compartment . Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhh .. I dont know why i hate this , but i simply cant stand this . People bring all sorts of things from home and starts eating as if they are on a 5 star hotel restaurant . Pleeeease ... lets have a dining compartment . Increase ticket charges for this . Lets travel with a pleasent smell.

What should be done to get the toilets proper ? Why cant they clean it at every station ?

This is why i prefer flights . Less time , more cleanliness , and ofcourse air hostesses .

But unfortunately , i am no way closer to be rich to take a flight every time i want to travel.

Now coming out of the train sufferings , there are certain things which make train journey interesting.

You can get to see a lot of people .., rich , middle class and poor .The way they live , talk and behave .As usual , i try to get in to them and imagine myself responding to such situations . Then i wonder about how they would be living , what is that they want in life and stuff like that . I really love learning people.

As with most other things , i prefer to be alone when i travel . But these days , the thoughts of having a girl next to me is getting bigger .But she should not nag me all the time like the hot bhabhi sitting opposite to me . (No , she is not nagging me but her husband).

Music is another important ingrediant with travel . Music doubles my imagination , i can be totally lost in my thoughts . Wow !!!

There is a old man sitting next to me who is peeking in to my screen every now and then.There are only 2 reasons for this .He wants to know if i am watching porn , or he wants to go to sleep.

I shall respect the second option . Catch ya guys later .

The simplest definition of life !

You cry for no reason ...

You are angry for not getting that pink colored doll ...

You are shy because she is looking at you ...

You are afraid because you are making love for the first time ...

You are the happiest person in the world because you have a child ...

You give her the best kiss in the world - your daughter has passed with flying colors ....

You feel like being the best man in the world , her happiness is our happiness ..

You are the best grandfather in the world ... Doesn't he look like my wife ?

You feel tired , but her hands give me a lot of support ...

You know its gona be over soon....





The moment of life ...


I lived a fucking great life ... i loved every moment that i lived ...


I loved my life ... It was so great !!







The simplest definition of life - "I loved my life"

Another dR day !

Im Drunk ,

So i can write i whatever i want ....

"
When i seee you , i run out of words to say ..

i wouldnt leave you , coz you are that type of girl , to make me stay

I see the guys tryna holla , girl i don wana bother you ..

Coz you are INDEPENDANT , and you got MY attention ... "

Ketttooodiiii ?? Patti ????

Song - contnues

"Can i be your baby father , girl i just wana show you ..

That i love what you are doing hah ..

I see you in the club , you getting down good ...

I WANA GET WITH YOU "

But what can i do with that ? There are better Irish and scottish and richer guys than me ... Fuck that .. Let me continue singing ...

"You are so beautiful ., so DAMN beautiful....

I said , you are so beautiful ., so (Fucking) damn so beautiful ....

So beautiful ... beautiful ... "


Ok , none of the people who are gona comment here ask me why i am so depressed with love . Ask that B**ch ... Why cant she just tell me that she wana live with me ??

OK , relax Menon , after all , love is kinda beautiful thing , and you are not good when it comes to making a good lover .

I was screwing the bedsheet when i first did it !

I have no clue why i said that now . Its just a advice for people like my friend Jupiter who are gona get married ,and who have never done 'THAT' .

Sex apart , i am stopping this bullshitting now , i cannot be focused all this 'love thing now , got better things to do in life . Im going to Landmark to buy books ..

C ya

Btw , whats wrong in screwing the bedsheet ? It was so dark afterall !