Love life nostalgia

I am caught in nostalgia today. Love life is the best when it comes to thinking about the past.

I remember this girl from 5th standard.I don't really remember her name or her face , but she definitely fall in to the one of my earliest love interests. She was fair , and..., and that's it. I changed school the next year , and i forgot her.

Then i think i had plenty of love interests. As a matter of fact , i was in love with almost every girl , or rather , i expected at least one of them to have a crush on me.But it never happened , i think they were also thinking the same way. I did flirt even those days, and i am sure many of the girls loved that. But nothing really important happened.I remember a rumor that one of the bad looking girls were in love with me , but there was no proper evidence for that and i was not interested in verifying.

Probably somewhere in 12th standard, is where she would have come. I was dying to flirt those days , but did not really have great chances with a strict and traditional school in Kerala. And then she was there - fair , hot and cute new comer of 11th.I made a bet with my friends on her , and thus it happened. I thought she would not give a damn about me , and would be surrounded by plenty of guys .But it was not so , and it was easy for me.

She had a card shop , which was quite near to my house. I went there once , twice , and i think that did it.I kept it as a secret to my friends , and agreed that i lost the bet.

One day she came to my house and i served her grape juice .This incident broke out in school , and several friends kissed me as they thought she kissed me. I felt like a hero !

And then it happened ,I kissed for the first time in my life. I also did several other things for the first time in my life.

Did i love her ? I don't know , but i am sure neither of us really did knew what the meaning of love is. No one knows , at 18 . It is just a fantasy , a beautiful fantasy(which should happen to everyone). And i am sure we lived in that fantasy ,for 2-3 years. I even went up to the limit of telling both our parents that i wanted to marry her. There had been lot of problems , very much like a movie story, rich girl , big family , threats , and the climax.

The climax is a bit different in this story though . We both moved to Coimbatore for college and then we started to experience a new world of freedom and friends. Frustration kept on piling up inside me about the relationship.I did not like the way she lived and neither did she like mine.I really wanted to break the shackles and live a free life but my 'commitment' did not let me do it.

And thus it happened , one day , she called me and told me that its over. I agreed. We decided to part ways. I felt relieved.

After a week or so , i bought a present for her birthday and called her. It was switched off.

Tried home , friends and every one . No news.

After a few months after her disappearance , i learned that she has ran away with someone .I met her brother whom i thought hated me , but then realised was a fine person. He explained whatever he knew and we decided to do a search for her.

Did i pursue the search for the girl who left me ? No . By that time , i also had left her , and i was sure enjoying my freedom. I started doping and drinking , and many a time blamed it on her , which i now realize was just an excuse.

I loved the fact that i could now sleep with any women, and decided never to fall in love again. My 'sleeping with several women' stories are there in my previous posts. Check it out if you are ready to 'lol' at me.

And thus it ended , my first love. It was followed up with several other 'flings' or short term assignments. My primary requirement was sex ,with some romancing and a little bit of sharing.I always made sure whenever it was about to get serious ,put an end to it and run away from it.

Frankly , i was scared to fall in love.

Then , recently , i decided to change .Is it because i fell heads over heals in love with someone? Is it because love happens to every one ? No , i don't think so . I dont think i am in love even now. But yes ,things have changed. I sometimes wonder if this is yet another practical adjustment that i have made to my life. I am finding it so tough to accept this new phase , but still holding on .

Tired of writing , let 'what happened to me recently' be a surprise , which i will try to cover in another post.

Recreating Magic , can i ?

Couple of years back , when i was in Cochin , Mom got a transfer and i ended being alone at home. I have never known what it was like to be alone till then , but when i got a taste of it , i loved it.

I had everything i wanted , my own space , TV , Internet , kitchen , bike , everything , just for me. No one to bother , no one to watch . I could dance when i want , i could make my own schedules , i could write in peace. Wow !!

Eventually i moved to Chennai , with my friends. I would not say i did'nt enjoy it., but then i always used to cherish those memories of being alone. I would always tell my room mates how wonderful it is to be alone , and they thought i was crazy. But i kept a secret promise to myself to move as soon as i have chance and money.

And thus it happened, i moved last month . Small , neat house. I made sure i had everything like earlier , i wanted to recreate that magic . Even my new job matched my desires , i mostly work on single shifts, where i get to see no one .

I should be loving this , but am i ? What is bothering me now ? Did i get used to being in company ? Is it unnecessary tensions of the career and future ? Is it the girl ?

I want to recreate that magic . I want to be so free .., me and the world , all alone ... I want to write beautiful stories. I want to read them again and again , and fall in love with them , and then hate them. I want to study networking , i want to drink listening to soft music, send smokes towards the skies. I want to swim , i want to love people around me .I want to cook , and eat it all by myself ...

Will i recreate the magic?

Mrs Menon in Train

December 24 , Covai Express , 12:30 PM

"Hello , Am i speaking to Pheno Menon" ?

"Yes , who is this ? "

"Sir , we have an opening for network engineer in Chennai, are you looking for a change"

My eyes wide opened - The little girl sitting next gave a nodded response to my smile.

"Oh .. yea , ofcourse .. please go ahead "

"This opening is for network engineer with a reputed MNC in Chennai .They are looking for network engineer with experience in routing , switching , and knowledge in MPLS , you would be sent out to US for a few months of training and .. "

"Wait , which company is it ? "

"Well , this is for XXX Corp sir "

"Hmm , i am not sure whether i would be really interested "

"Why sir , i can guarantee you that they are one of the top companies in India "

"Really ? Then , i dont think their employees would have registered in your portal for a job"

"Sir ... what you mean"

"It means that i am working for them "

"Ohh .. ohh.. Sorry sir ... in that case why dont you refer someone you know " ...

"Well, in that case , why should'nt i take the referral money from my company ? "

"Ohhhh , ha ha ha .. true true sir .. Ok , nice speaking to you "

"I know , its always nice speaking to me , though i am not sure whether its the same the other way around"

I disconnected my call and took a deep breath . Whats more worser that my own company recruiting from all around the globe , but i wont get the right chance ?

Well, Mr.Phenomenon , its always been like that for you , isnt it ? I tried to smile at myself . This time i avoided the girl next to me and instead , turned right .


She smiled back at me . I dropped my smile .

"Hi " She said in a soft voice .

"Hi" . I had to respond

"Are you from Chennai ? Going where ? "

The train has passed Erode and the next stop is Covai . I cant go to California in this train (Thats where all others in the new project would be going to ) . Fuck off old lady .

"Yes , from Chennai to Covai "

She gave me a broad smile . I tried to concentrate back on my book .

"Are you working or studying in Chennai ?"

"Yes , working , at XXX Corp ,as network engineer" .
Not as great as it sounds , all i do is suck some American dicks .

"Ohh .. thats great . Are you malayalee ? "

"Yes , i am from Palakkad " I gave the answer to avoid the next probable question .

"Where in Palakkad? " Her eyebrows shooted up showing her anxiety .

"Well , we were settled in the town , near Manapullikkavu , now we moved to Nemmara"..

"Ohh , is it .. thats so great . we are also from Palakkad " She pointed to the seat in front which was crowded with so many old women .

"Oh great ,. where are you in Chennai? " I had to ask something .

"Well , we are settled in Chennai for about 30 years now , now we are going to Alathur , you know Alathur right ? Thats where my 'tharavadu' is . From there we will go to Thrissur . My younger sister's , daughter's son is getting married " She said in one breath .

"Oh ., thats great"

"I knew you were a malayalee" She smiled as if being a malayalee was the best thing on earth .

"Malayalees can always recognise each other , there is some sixth sense between us"

No one needs a sixth sense to identify a fair , curly haried guy in a Covai express as a malayalee . But still i gave an expression as if to appreciate her sixth sense capabilities .

'Hasili Fisilie rasavadi , un siripilum ...'Girl next to me increased the volume of her China made mobile . Now no one could even hear the train's sound . I felt better so that i can avoid the conversation now .

She patted on my back . There is no stopping a old lady from continuing a conversation.

"Tamil people , no manners , right ?" She gave me a bad face .

I didnt know what to say . I am stuck in between two far ends of a very confusing species called as females . I smiled , which i have learned as the best way to deal with a woman .

"Well .. what is your parents doing ? " Next question

"My father is no more , he was an advocate . My mother retired as Joint director of education and my sister is a lawyer " . I pressed the buzzer and gave the perfect answer in one go .

"Ohh, thats great " She looked excited . I gave a puzzled look

"I mean , i am sorry about your father . These things happen to all good families " She looked down depressed .

Who the fuck told her that ours is a wonderful family ? It just sounds so great.. thats all ..


"And your sister ., she is married , right ? "

"Yea , my nephew is 5 years old " I knew where this was going .

"Thats so great , so where did you study "

"I studied in Chinamaya VIdyalaya "

"Chinmaya ? Which one ? In pallavur " ?

I nodded yes .

"Ohhh wow .... Do you know Bharathi teacher ? She was a principal there ? "

Volcanos erupted inside my head . Do i know her ? Well , she sill never forget my name . I remember the day when she was crying like a little kid in front of all the other teachers and the 5 of us inside the Principals room . "I will never forget you , or what you have done today " I still remember she telling us , with a trembling voice .

For all those who thought that those words have come out of joy , please correct yourself . It was completely the other way around . I will write a different post on that story later .

"Yea , i do " i said softly to my female pal in train .

"Ohhh wow .... " She jumped towards the seat infront of her to catch her relatives . She wanted to tell the whole world about her discovery called as ME . Surprisingly , she stopped on half the way and came back to me .

"Btw , what did you say your name is ? " She sounded really serious this time .

"Pheno" I said

"No no , your full name "

OK , so that was it . I knew this was coming . Malayalee - Palakkad - Unmarried - Well settled family - Good looking (Although most of the factors except the locations are not entirely true in reality)


I looked at her face. She looked like a little kid awaiting permission from her dad to go for playing. This was the last and the most important thing that she wanted to know .

"Menon - Pheno Menon"

"Wow " ... She burst in to joy . She jumped two seats in one go pulling me in her one hand , and we reached right in middle of the entire family .

"Meet PhenoMenon , Bharathi's student , computer engineer " Everyone looked at the new arrival .

I prayed no one would ask about my salary . I kinda enjoyed the attention that i recieved , let them think i am like the other engineer brothers who earned a lakh a month .

" You know we Menon's all understand each other so well "
Another woman who is more older than my pal , took my hand and said . May be Manoj Nite Shyamalan was inspired from this family while making 'The Sixth Sense' .



The events that followed , included me being introduced to each of the family members , and their history , and how we are all distant relatives , and how similar i looked like Santhosh (Ok , i suppose he is some guy in their family) . I finally managed to leave without a family phone number exchange . Thanks to the universal 'i wana go to the bathroom' excuse .

I never went back to my seat , i just stood there near the door . I could see them chatting and pointing at me . I hurried out as the train stopped in Covai .

I wondered whether i made a mistake by not giving the number . The last thing that i want will be a enquiry about me to Bharathi teacher.



Well , the moral of the story is that , if you have to choose between two estrogen filled tanks , go for the youngest one .

Love - Pain in the a$$

Yet again , i am worried , confused and drunk .

Let me come straight in to the point , i kinda like a girl these days . When i say like , i am not sure if i am in love or anything ,may be because i dont really believe in it .

The thing is that , she is pretty awesome . Hot,intelligent and smart ! Whats more ,she is younger than me , of my same caste/creed and has similar attitude towards life . So we were going out pretty happily for past 5-6 months .

Now , there is a problem . She has left India , and probably we wont be seeing for next 1-2 years . Oops !

I am pretty happy that she is happy down there (well,i am bit jealous as well , as i have never been outside India) .I would want her to enjoy her life and have fun .

BUT . I feel bit uncomfortable these days . I feel that she would go on to find some one better , some one who would give her a lot of surprises and gifts (which i never did) , and ultimately , she would have physical relationship with him !!

I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!

I am heart broken . , and i am like "Why does the bitch have to doooo thhaat??? "

Ok , wait a minute . She is a good woman ., and she is not that bitchy kind .Why am i overdoing things here ?

I never proposed her , though i always knew she would accept it . I did not do that coz, i never believed in long distance relations . As my friend 'lineproducer' told me yesterday ,-"Out of sight is like Out of Mind" .

And there is another reason why i did not propose . I wanted to have sex with many women before i marry.

So look at me now . I really like this girl , but i am afraid of getting on to commitment . And more over , i would want to give her that time and space rather than taking a hasty decision . So i am not committed , and i dont worry about her .

But its not like that .Coz i am thinking about her a lot these days . Fuck it ! Moreover , i am not really feeling like going out with another girl !! In short , everything is screwed !

Sighhhh.....

Ok , my decision is correct . Let her live her life , and if she finds a better guy , let her be with him .It would have been worser if that happened after we got committed . Btw , lets pray she never finds anyone better .

I am not going to try some other girl(atleast for now) . I dont feel like doing it ., im fucking getting old , and i have a lot more important things to do in life .

The simplest way that a man can be happy , is by having a unconditional relationship with a woman .You dont lose anything by loving some one .., despite what she gives in return .Go watch Forrest Gump today .

There are lot more things happening in my life these days . Will let you know .

I feel so very better after writing this . Nothing gives me more pleasure than writing .

I am going to reduce my 'profanity' (interesting word eh? ) Let me change some alphabets to '$' symbol !

Missed you all

Its been a long time .

2 months to be exact , and i missed you all .

Lot of things happened around me , and i was so involved in many things for such a long period that i could just not get enough time to sit back and write something . Thanks to tata indicom as well , it took almost a month to get my internet transferred to my new place .

So to start with .,

I moved . I am living with themusicdirector(tmd) now . I am starting to like the new place , except for the fucked up house owner (again) and the sick switches .

I visited and stayed at my ancestral place for some time , it was great .

My sis and family were here for the vacation . My nephew Achu simply rocks !!

I am almost a drunkard now .

3 of my ex girlfriends came back to me ., and i am confused again .

I want to leave cochin desperately . I just cannot stay in once place or be with one girl for a long time .

One gorgeous girl whom i had a crush on is not speaking to me coz she read my blog , and thinks that i am the dirtiest guy she had ever seen .

I realised again that i am in deep love with computers and my bike . Its almost impossible for me to live a life without them . Its true love what i have with them , no sex involved .

I got salary appraisal .

I have put down a lot of weight ., some 2-3 kilos . I have treasured each and every milligram that i have put till i became 70 kg last month , and now , its all gone in a week , and i am back to 65 .

I was hit by a very very bad fever . And those 3 days were the worst days of my life in the recent past .

I am getting really frustrated coz i am not going to gym or doing anything physical , but drinking and smoking a lot .

And I passed CCNP with 98 % . Oh God , thank you so much . I am so happy that my efforts were paid off .

Manchester United are the Champions of Europe !!!! Glory Glory Manchester united !!! Cut me through i will bleed red , Man United till death !!!

I found and spoke to some one , who had made a lot of difference in my life . Quite unexpected . And we spoke as if , nothing has happened in the past 3-4 years . That was very strange ., but i loved it .

I am working with my friend to make a short film , lets pray that it works out well .





So may things , this life is interesting, isnt it ?

Bye Bye Angel

I have been listening to all these romantic songs for a few hours now , and hence i feel a bit romantic , or rather, sad .

Statuatory warning : I am going to be unlike phenomenon in this post , going to be a very boring old love story and related sentiments .

I wanted to say bye to angel .

I have had been with many girls , in love with many girls . Some have been special , that is , a very few have actually loved (kind of ) me too .

And Angel is one of them , special , she will always be

I met her in the last year of my college , and had been with me for a about one n half years , before , as usual , i forced a break up .

The way we got hooked up was amazing . It was actually so unrealistic , that even if i tell you , you wont believe it .

I mean , we met in a Mall in chennai , and we spoke for about 10 minutes , and that was it , we got hooked up .

And that was the greatest achievement till date in my flirt life . 10 minutes , and you have made a chick (she is/was hot ) fall heads over heals !! Wow !! fantastic Menon , fantastic !!

Ok , as usual , my intention was to , hmmm , do it ! :-P

Cmon guys , we all fall in love for that , i dont think there could be anything more than physical attraction in the first sight !

So there we were , in love !

I play smart with girls . I mean , i have this small egos , like i will not propose first , i will not kiss her first etc etc . So at the end of the day , i could say , "Hey ,.. you did it first , not me '

I know thats cheap , but what to do , i am like this guys !

You guys know what ? I am such an unlucky asshole . Because everytime i hook up with a girl ,i expect them to be bitches , but then , i get the best girls , i mean , the GOOD Girls !!

And being such a fucked up good guy , i will not feel like cheating them and hence , effing them !! :-(



So that happened with angel . I did not wanted to cheat her , or use her . She used to be so good to me , so supportive , so caring , so inspiring . And you know what , she is one of the girls that phenomenon repects in this world . Thats some achievement , not many girls have earned that .


I remember the evenings we used to spend in beaches/theatres/coffeeday , and everything.

One night when she dropped me back in my place , i kissed her right in the middle of the road , (empty road) . That was so romantic , and we both loved it !

The main reason why she earned my respect was not beacuse she loved me or cared me . But because she was not just another girl . She is someone who i always happy , so hardworking that i myself felt ashamed of being so lazy , earns her pocket money by tough part time jobs , studies well , take care of family , cooks , does household things and then , finds a lot of time for me .

Seriously , you are a wonderful person , someone whom i must look out and learn a lot .

Only thing that i did not actually like in her is that she was too lean and was a bit boringly romantic .

So the big question , why the fuck did you break up with her ?

And the answer is , hmmm ., i dont know

She was north Indian , and i felt her and family and mine will never go well together . And then , she had a great future in modelling . I was such a fucked up asshole , who would not want his girl to be model , or be exposing , and all other silly stupid thing'ies of a south indian man .

I hate my Indian insticts some times ., damn !

So hence , i had two choices , either take her , ask her to quit modelling and all , or else , leave her and let her prosper .

Ok , now when i say i opted for the second choice , dont think it was because i am such a good man or anything . It was because of several other crappy ideas of mine

But for sure , i did not wanted to interrupt he bright future , and wanted to see her growing up bigger and better in her career .Thats the love factor

And then , i do not like to get committed , even if she is the best girl , i feel tied up , i feel i am losing my freedom , and why the hell should i do it , when i have a option ? See , if you are married , you cant say , this , atleast let me do it now .

So my ego + stupidity + love ended up in me neglecting her for atleast one year , when she waited for me .



Now last month when i called her up, before the valentines day , she told me that there was this cute guy , who is from her own community , rich and handsome , who is proposing her for some time , and she asked me what to do .

I being such a great man , told her , to go ahead and not wait for me .

And then i did not get a call from her on v day , which i usually do get for past 3-4 years .

And last week when i called her up , she was not speaking properly to me , and she asked

"Can you please call me after sometime ? Hmm... i am with ... Mr..... "

When i hung up the phone , i felt bad , realy bad and sad .

She has never told me that before , and that was the moment that i realised that she was gone , gone forever .

She called me the next day , i did not pick , nor did i call back . It will be better if it ends here . ,and let me forget her .


I dont know why i am writing all this , but then , we all have such times in our lives , dont we ? And i am pretty sure she will not come across this blog , and hence its all safe .

I am not regretting my decision , i know i have made the right decision , but still , you know , it hurts .

And angel , i wish you all the best wishes , be happy !

And me ?Ha Ha , i love writing , and searching for new girls so that i can continue writing blogs like this............... LOLs.... Crazy me !