The Honeymoon trip and a bottle of Vodka (Part 1)

Last weekend will be unforgettable for me , something strange yet so fantastic happened .

I went down for a trip with 2 honeymoon(not exactly) couples .

Ha Ha , Look at me , laugh at me and ask me , What the Fuck are you doing in there !

But trust me guys , it was so so good , and i am sure that they enjoyed my company as well .

So one fine evening , few of my very good friends , call me up and tell me that we are going for a trip . But the 'we' included 3 guys and 3 gals , where there are 2 couples which leaves me and thulu.

Thulu didn't want to come ,personal reasons .

So i tried my best to slip away ., but couldn't ., and hence here we are ., one SUV , one very romantic couple at the back seat , one really funny couple in the centre , and me and driver bj upfront . Wow !

Wheels roll , bj the driver is so focussed that he hardly speaks anything , though i tried to talk to him about crappy vehicle related stuff like how much does a scorpio cost and what is the maximum distance he has driven . , until finally he gave me a face which suggested 'oh, cmon , shut the fuck mate , let me drive and you mind your buisness '

So i thought of looking back and probably tease the couples , or atleast have some common discussions ., but i soon realised they were not really bothered

Mr and Mrs romance were busy redefining romance , and i was like , "alright , you are meeting after a long interval , and this is probably the only chance to , errr , you know ... have fun :-P "

And Mr and Mrs A , were in some other world that they have invented for all the couples in the world of love , where they break up every 180 seconds and then hook up in another 120 seconds . So if you happen to be his good friend , and if you are with them in between these 120 seconds , you are really pissed !! Big time , coz before you think about the reason for the break up and the chances of getting it right , there they are , standing right in front of you , " Ohhh chweety , i love you ... "

And you look at yourself and asks , " Is the earth revolving around you or that you are revolving around the earth "

So here i am , reading a milestone which says 130 kms to destination , and wondering what to do !

And that is when i found her , so beautiful , so hot , so pure and so lovable , right in front of me .So gentle , so innocent , her curves making any artist jealous .

And her silky white top told me her name





White Mischeif Vodka




"Jab se tere nainaaaa .. meri naino se , bhaage reeee ...

Tab se diwaana hua , sabse pe gaana hua , rab bhi diwaana lagi reee ... Ho oooh oooo ... "




(to be continued)

The Magic of a Bar !

The Magic of a Bar .


Things which we cannot find explanation to , scientifically or technically or whatever .., are called as magic . Isn't it ?


And hence we really do have a magic in bars .

(Bars : Place where liquor/alcohol is served . ) *

This has amused me all the time since i have started drinking ., and after lot of research and inquiry i have come to one conclusion

This is magic !


Why is it a magic ?

1#You and your friend buy 360 ml of any brand/type alcohol , go home , share it and complete it by an hour .

You are not really DRUNK , or is out of control

You have your food , you reply properly to your bugging house owner and you watch porn and sleep .

2#You have 90 ml of alcohol from any given bar , have enough food and get back home

You are fucking DRUNK , and you tell your owner to fuck off , and you fucking forget to take off your shoes and you retype the whole fucking sentence on your blog and you fucking dont know why you are using so many 'fucks' in one go . Fuck!


See , im confused , can any one help ?

Is it my problem or is it a common problem ?

Oh , by the way

*Definition for those fuckers who think that they are chubby chweety kids .



Fuck , i hate my blog , im drunk !

Missed you all

Its been a long time .

2 months to be exact , and i missed you all .

Lot of things happened around me , and i was so involved in many things for such a long period that i could just not get enough time to sit back and write something . Thanks to tata indicom as well , it took almost a month to get my internet transferred to my new place .

So to start with .,

I moved . I am living with themusicdirector(tmd) now . I am starting to like the new place , except for the fucked up house owner (again) and the sick switches .

I visited and stayed at my ancestral place for some time , it was great .

My sis and family were here for the vacation . My nephew Achu simply rocks !!

I am almost a drunkard now .

3 of my ex girlfriends came back to me ., and i am confused again .

I want to leave cochin desperately . I just cannot stay in once place or be with one girl for a long time .

One gorgeous girl whom i had a crush on is not speaking to me coz she read my blog , and thinks that i am the dirtiest guy she had ever seen .

I realised again that i am in deep love with computers and my bike . Its almost impossible for me to live a life without them . Its true love what i have with them , no sex involved .

I got salary appraisal .

I have put down a lot of weight ., some 2-3 kilos . I have treasured each and every milligram that i have put till i became 70 kg last month , and now , its all gone in a week , and i am back to 65 .

I was hit by a very very bad fever . And those 3 days were the worst days of my life in the recent past .

I am getting really frustrated coz i am not going to gym or doing anything physical , but drinking and smoking a lot .

And I passed CCNP with 98 % . Oh God , thank you so much . I am so happy that my efforts were paid off .

Manchester United are the Champions of Europe !!!! Glory Glory Manchester united !!! Cut me through i will bleed red , Man United till death !!!

I found and spoke to some one , who had made a lot of difference in my life . Quite unexpected . And we spoke as if , nothing has happened in the past 3-4 years . That was very strange ., but i loved it .

I am working with my friend to make a short film , lets pray that it works out well .





So may things , this life is interesting, isnt it ?

The Gay Encoutners

Im Pretty Handsome .



I mean i am pretty and Handsome .



And sometimes , i wish i was not !



And i fucking mean it !



Yaaradee nee Mohini (Tamil) is the movie , and i am happy that its interval . I rush to the toilet and i am waiting with my hands on the zip .

There it is , some old ass is moving out , let me get in ...


"God !! Isnt this the greatest pleasure ... pissing and shitting ??" I ask to myself .


"Hey , dude , Phenomenon , im feeling shy ! " Dick says

"Why the hell, you are all mine " I try to console him

"Look right you idiot " Dick

And i see him , trying his very best to get a glimpse of my dear dk , over the marble piece that seperates us , in between my hands and my trouser ... shite ... i am feeling shy to explain this ! :-(

What has just been a honeymoon trip becomes a nightmare for my dk , i somehow get things in and leave .

I knew he would follow me , and he did .

Red Bright shirt , well shoven , well dyed hair , and loads of cheap perfume all over .. I still remember him well .

Puthiyathalapathy , who accompanied me for the movie, drunk to the core , was blabbering something in the walkway . I tried to take him and get back to the cinema hall , but he was persistent on having a smoke

And there i stood in one corner , trying not to bother the red shirt bastard gay , smoking restlessly .

And there he was , smiling at me , and adjusting his shirt , as if telling me , "ohhhh .. hotttieee ..rip off my clothes and take me down " ......


YUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ...


Fucking hell , i hate Gays ... i really do .... Oh God .....

I have always wondered how girls would feel , whenever someone touched them here and there ,, in the buses and crowded areas n all ..Will they get erect just like that ? are they enjoying it ? My seniors in school have told me that they would ..

And to confess , i have tried to touch a hottie of my class twice or thrice in the bus , when i was in my 9th grade .

But little did i know that i would get it all back , very badly

I remember my first gay encounter being in a bus , when i was a kid , some one tried to , get a grip on it , i was stunned , and did not know what was happening , and ran towards my brother .

Then years later , when i was like , hoo hoo ., the college dude ... One day on my way to my college , there was this tamil guy sitting next to me , who always misplaced his hands on MY thighs rather than his .

Then , again in my early college days , there was this guy who followed me to every seat i shifted , and finally i had to jump off the bus to escape

I remember , once we were all standing in a bus stand , late night , a gentleman came in , offered us a drink , a full bottle , if ,,, IF , we could go with him and stay with him in his room ...

And then , recently , an old asshole , who kept looking at me while i was enjoying my evening smoke in a a shop near my house ..

And by this time , i have had enough encounters , that i actually knew how to deal with them ...

"Can you give me a lift pls " He looked at me pathetically

"Which way you want to go " I asked him as i turned my bike to left

"This way ofcourse " He showed me the direction where i took my bike

I tried a Zeroing(though it did not work the way i wanted to ) and got my vehicle turned 180deg , and told him

"sorry sir , i am going this way "

"Its Ok , i dont mind going that way " He smiled at me

I lost it there , son of a bitch . Just because he was atleast my grandpa's age i didnt punch him ., but did give him a good essay of abuses .


Ohhhh...


And then there was this guy , my friend ., who was bisexual .

Damn , and you know what , none of us dared to sleep next to him . Especially if you are fair and drunk . You never know when his hands get out of control





Seriously guys , its difficult .


I hate these bastards , though i am ready to accept them . I mean , its ok if you are gay , nothing wrong , i mean what can you do about a disorder , well , its not even a disorder . Its just that you are a bit different .

Its fine with me , i have even written a story "Being straight" about the sufferings of a gay , and how the society ignores them .

Well ., all very easily said , it is very difficult to deal with them .

I just have one sincere request to them , dont force any one , dont try to seduce us , its irritating , to the fucking core .



OMG



Just now i realise how sad it is for the girls , i mean , if there are 10 gays in 100 , then the rest 90 are straight , just think about the girl's condition then


Sorry , Hottie of 9th standard , i never meant to do that , and will never do that .


And its difficult guys ,


ITS DIFFICULT TO BE STRAIGHT IN THIS WORLD !!


:-( :-(

Bye Bye Angel

I have been listening to all these romantic songs for a few hours now , and hence i feel a bit romantic , or rather, sad .

Statuatory warning : I am going to be unlike phenomenon in this post , going to be a very boring old love story and related sentiments .

I wanted to say bye to angel .

I have had been with many girls , in love with many girls . Some have been special , that is , a very few have actually loved (kind of ) me too .

And Angel is one of them , special , she will always be

I met her in the last year of my college , and had been with me for a about one n half years , before , as usual , i forced a break up .

The way we got hooked up was amazing . It was actually so unrealistic , that even if i tell you , you wont believe it .

I mean , we met in a Mall in chennai , and we spoke for about 10 minutes , and that was it , we got hooked up .

And that was the greatest achievement till date in my flirt life . 10 minutes , and you have made a chick (she is/was hot ) fall heads over heals !! Wow !! fantastic Menon , fantastic !!

Ok , as usual , my intention was to , hmmm , do it ! :-P

Cmon guys , we all fall in love for that , i dont think there could be anything more than physical attraction in the first sight !

So there we were , in love !

I play smart with girls . I mean , i have this small egos , like i will not propose first , i will not kiss her first etc etc . So at the end of the day , i could say , "Hey ,.. you did it first , not me '

I know thats cheap , but what to do , i am like this guys !

You guys know what ? I am such an unlucky asshole . Because everytime i hook up with a girl ,i expect them to be bitches , but then , i get the best girls , i mean , the GOOD Girls !!

And being such a fucked up good guy , i will not feel like cheating them and hence , effing them !! :-(



So that happened with angel . I did not wanted to cheat her , or use her . She used to be so good to me , so supportive , so caring , so inspiring . And you know what , she is one of the girls that phenomenon repects in this world . Thats some achievement , not many girls have earned that .


I remember the evenings we used to spend in beaches/theatres/coffeeday , and everything.

One night when she dropped me back in my place , i kissed her right in the middle of the road , (empty road) . That was so romantic , and we both loved it !

The main reason why she earned my respect was not beacuse she loved me or cared me . But because she was not just another girl . She is someone who i always happy , so hardworking that i myself felt ashamed of being so lazy , earns her pocket money by tough part time jobs , studies well , take care of family , cooks , does household things and then , finds a lot of time for me .

Seriously , you are a wonderful person , someone whom i must look out and learn a lot .

Only thing that i did not actually like in her is that she was too lean and was a bit boringly romantic .

So the big question , why the fuck did you break up with her ?

And the answer is , hmmm ., i dont know

She was north Indian , and i felt her and family and mine will never go well together . And then , she had a great future in modelling . I was such a fucked up asshole , who would not want his girl to be model , or be exposing , and all other silly stupid thing'ies of a south indian man .

I hate my Indian insticts some times ., damn !

So hence , i had two choices , either take her , ask her to quit modelling and all , or else , leave her and let her prosper .

Ok , now when i say i opted for the second choice , dont think it was because i am such a good man or anything . It was because of several other crappy ideas of mine

But for sure , i did not wanted to interrupt he bright future , and wanted to see her growing up bigger and better in her career .Thats the love factor

And then , i do not like to get committed , even if she is the best girl , i feel tied up , i feel i am losing my freedom , and why the hell should i do it , when i have a option ? See , if you are married , you cant say , this , atleast let me do it now .

So my ego + stupidity + love ended up in me neglecting her for atleast one year , when she waited for me .



Now last month when i called her up, before the valentines day , she told me that there was this cute guy , who is from her own community , rich and handsome , who is proposing her for some time , and she asked me what to do .

I being such a great man , told her , to go ahead and not wait for me .

And then i did not get a call from her on v day , which i usually do get for past 3-4 years .

And last week when i called her up , she was not speaking properly to me , and she asked

"Can you please call me after sometime ? Hmm... i am with ... Mr..... "

When i hung up the phone , i felt bad , realy bad and sad .

She has never told me that before , and that was the moment that i realised that she was gone , gone forever .

She called me the next day , i did not pick , nor did i call back . It will be better if it ends here . ,and let me forget her .


I dont know why i am writing all this , but then , we all have such times in our lives , dont we ? And i am pretty sure she will not come across this blog , and hence its all safe .

I am not regretting my decision , i know i have made the right decision , but still , you know , it hurts .

And angel , i wish you all the best wishes , be happy !

And me ?Ha Ha , i love writing , and searching for new girls so that i can continue writing blogs like this............... LOLs.... Crazy me !

Caught by Kerala Police

"Pha Pelayadi mone , Kerada vandiyil "

(You son of a bitch , get in the vehicle )


No , this is not the intro scene of a South Indian police movie , but the intro scene of a very interesting night in my life

My friend Puthiyathalapathi gave me a treat last week , rather , i forced him to give me a treat ,. as i desperately wanted to get drunk and i had no money .

He wanted to go to a far off Bar , which is good , but then i say this to him .

" Dude , we are educated people , we should'nt be driving drunk , if we do this , our next generation would also do this "

He looked at me from tip to toe as if asking me who the fuck are you to advice me ,

"So we will walk to the nearest Bar " He says

I did not like that , i am too lazy/rich to walk to a bar , after all its not a crime driving a couple of kms drunk , as a matter of fact i drive better when i am drunk .

So we are here at the nearest Bar , and i had a peg or two extra as it has been a long time . We thought of getting food from some where else as it was too costly in there .

So there starts our journey , He behind me smoking , and i concetrating hard to keep left on road .We decided to stop at a nearest hotel , i park the vehicle properly , another vehicle parks behind me , and puthiyathalapathy murmurs

"Damn , Police"

The moment i heard that , a lightning went across my body , and being smart(or rather i thought so) i did not look around and walked straight in to the hotel .

"Give me the menu" ??

"Pha Pelayadi mone kerada vandiyil " ....

So thats the flash back , lets get to the main story .

Puthiyathalapathy was crying to let us go , so did i , but we stopped soon and started laughing at each other as soon as we were sitting in the Police jeep . Wow , its actually cool sitting in there , i felt excited !

So we reach the police station , and i was asked to sit with the 'culprits'

Hamsa the fisherman , Jojo the college student , A taxi driver , a gentleman . , and oh yeah , ME

I knew there was no point in arguing any more , so i started enjoying the whole thing .

The police station was a typical police station as we see in films , but , BUT , believe me guys , there was a neat TOILET , oh god , i was shocked to see that !! :-O I took a photo there in the toilet , i will attach it !

Now i met these policemen , who are really friendly , Mr. B who is a constable , Mr.V who is a ambulance driver , Mr.D who is a head constable and Mr.Varu who is a Principle SI

Hamsa(must be 50-55 , a poor fisherman who was caught while going back home) looked at me , and started yelling ,

"I dont give a fuck about police , i have already killed one , i will not hesitate to do it again"

I could not control my laughter , but again i felt bad for him , too old to behave well in this condition , so i put my hands over his shoulder and asked him to relax

Now the police man calls my name to write the crime file .,

"What you do Mr. " ? He looked up at me from the chair

"Hmm , Sir , we are both engineers "

"Ha Ha , so we have a engineer here today " ... He looked at every one else , expecting them also to enjoy the comedy

For some reason , they found it really funny of me being a engineer , what the fuck , cant engineers be caught drunk ?

Now i meet Mr.B , who was comparatively young , was very friendly with me , but he was angry at something

There was this gentleman who is working for a Big Buisnessman , and he was driving with that businessman , so in short , though the Big shot did not get caught , his employee did , and as a good employer he stayed there , playing the Big Daddy .

And the driver was asked to come in to take place of his employee , but unfortunately , Mr.B did not agree and filed a case in the name of this gentleman employee

Start music

The Big shot started threatening one police officer after the other , and i could see the pity condition of our police officers . Even i felt like saying something back , but they did not , they were in short afraid of the money power of the other man .

Poor guys , thats when i really started to like them

We were taken to the jeep to go for the medical test , now it seems the big shot did not get talk to the commissioner and hence his employee had to come with us

The trip to hospital was one of the best journeys i ever had

Hamsa was on a role , he just could not stop yelling !!

And we all laughed and laughed , and then suddenly i caught an idea

Video tape the whole thing , it wont happen always

So i took my mobile and started video taping ., I finished one , and went for a second one with close up shots of poilcemen , i wanted to get their facial expressions right

Now Mr.A saw me and caught my mobile , and started searching my videos

And then ..



And then , he was blushing , i had many 'hot clips' in my phone :-P He took his phone up , and i believe he would have transfered those clips .

We reached the hospital , and the doctor checked my blood pressure and let me go . There was no fucking alcohol test , how on earth would they know if i was drunk or not ?

I came back to our jeep , and saw Mr.B standing in one corner ,on phone , playing with the leaves of a tree close by , giggling and showing all other features of a flirt .

Poor guy , he is like me , just because he is police officer we cannot expect him to behave unnaturally .

I wanted to smoke , and i had none

I went near Mr.B and asked him for a smoke .

He looked back at me , laughed and said ,
"Damn , you are a culprit and i am a police officer , how dare you "

I started to walk back , but he called me and gave me the cigerrate , i was happy .

"Get in to the jeep and smoke , dont smoke outside , if some one finds you , i would be answerable "

Lovely , so lovely , i am asked to smoke inside a police jeep , only inside a police jeep .

Hussain in the mean time , asked the doctor to measure his blood pressure in his legs , and the police officers had enough , and that paved way to one of the greatest dialogues i have ever heard in real life

Mr. A and Mr.B was really angry and started shouting very badly at hussain , after all he asked for it .

Then Mr. B said this

"I have been in the service for 14 years and i have not hit a single person till date ,today it seems i will have to do it "










Dude , he said 14 years ., 14 fucking years as a policeman and he has not even touched a single man !!

Was he serious ? Must be , there is no reason why he should be lying , if at all he was lying it would have been the other way .

Gosh!!


It was almost 1.30am when we reached back the station

As we were almost about to get off the vehicle , Hamsa came in behind me , held my hands and told me

"you should not be drinking son , you are too young , dont do it "

I felt bad for the first time , poor guy , he means it when he says it , i am a bad boy after all !

Puthiyathalapathy came in asked me how it was , and told me that he has talked to the Big shot about producing his new film ,fucker , when i was being taken away by police , he was trying to find a producer for his film ?

Now that i have signed the papers and bid bye to Mr.B and others , Mr.Varu the principal SI calls me up

He looks like a policeman , the bad policeman , with that creaky sound and the fuck all looks etc .

It seems he liked me (was he gay ?) , and wanted to tell me something ,

"Dude , do you know who i am , the principal SI , the SI of SI's , and i have 5 SI's under me ... "

Fuck , i have not eaten anything the night and when i thought its all over , here is an asshole boasting about his achievements . Btw , it was this guy who called me a SOB in the begining .

Finally , someone came in from the station and told him that the nephew of CI is caught for drunken driving . Now Mr.Varu asks us to leave and come and meet him tomorrow if we need some help .



Puthiyathalapathy and me walked back home with some unforgettable memoes

Btw , i got back the mobile and he did not erase any videos . I would have proudly presented it to you , but you know what , i forgot to turn it to night mode , and i can see nothing , no fucking thing .



PS: It was a very forgettable night for me the next day , i was asked to pay a fine of about 2500 Rs , and now to save all that , i will have to quit drinking for atleast a month .Varu did help me , and let me go even though without proper documents , i had to bribe them with Rs.200 though .

Also i have decided not to drive drunk again , thanks to the fine ,Hussain and the list of accidents they showed me .

Kids - a weakness !

Again , yet another issue that worries me !





I love kids .





I find them so sweet , choooooo chweeeeeeeeet !! Especially baby girls .When i say kids , i mean those in between 1-5

I dont like those less than 1 , coz they are boring , and look so dumb , pisses/shits all over the place , and go to sleep too often .Whats more , they want to stay with their mothers always !

I dont like those older than 5 , coz they become intelligent , and start to show the attributes of being a proper human being . Stuff like speaking properly , acting smart/brave etc .

But in between 1 and 5 ! Ohhh god ! Its heaven on earth .

I usually dont like unclean people , but when it comes to kids (from now on when i say kids , its the 1-5 range) , i have no caste/creed/color/whatever ..., i just love them

You know whenever i see them looking at me so inncoent , with their eyebrows hardly grown , with eyelashes fluttering too often , ohhhh, you guys dont know how hard i try to control myself from taking them from their fucking mothers (ok ,i know that was rude , but i generally hate young mothers , i will come to it later ) , and play with them !

Sigh !

Whats wrong with me !The whole thing makes me uncomfortable .


I mean , i should not be like this , i am a cool new age guy , who cracks joke at every other thing and hardly have any feelings , you know , the good old rough and tuf guy!

Atleast , i am trying to be like that , else i will get no respect from my friends .

But every time i see a kid , the whole ruf and tuf melts away , damn ,i sometimes lose it completely and start to speak about kids , where my friends would be talking about banging the neighbor girl . How sick am I !

Another issue is that , i am not really that kind of a boy who likes the chweet things in the world , seriously , this is not something that i am making up .I donot like ice cream (Yea ICE CREAM , now close your mouth and continue reading) , sweets , chocolates , birds(YUCK) , flowers .

When i am a guy like that , how the hell this kid thingy came on to my mind ? I have no idea .

Ok , i like cats , dogs , tigers (not lions , i hate them) , and one of my greatest dreams is to adopt a tiger kid and grow it up for 3-4 years , all on my expense and care ! Wow ! I think the tiger development board (or whatever) allows that !

So coming back , what is wrong with me ?

And the worst thing about this is that , i like baby girls more !

And i hate adult girls , i really do !

Every time i see a baby girl , i could see her mother not really taking care of her ! damn bitches !!

I think the new age girls do not really love their kids as our mothers used to do !

I hate when girls (adult) try to show off , especially 'awwwh i am a cutie ' stuff ! Grrrrrrrrr!!!! I hate you !!!

So just imagine what i would feel when young mothers try to do that !! And not bother about their kid moving around ? What if she/he falls down ? What if some one accidently step over them ? What if they eat something big or dirty ? Damn , i cannot even think about all that !

Ok , i am stopping here , if i think about that , i will lose control .But in short , you bloody bitches , i want to kill you all !!


I have this friend named Ash , she is too crazy about kids . But may be in a different way ., she actually like the 0-1 babies , and hence not my kind .

Some one told me that i will have many kids when i get married .

I will be marrying late , its uncool to be a father at a young age ! And whats more , you will need to have a WIFE , a bloody effing Wife !!

I thought of this artificial insemination thingy the other day .

May be i would need it , i dont really want to get married and have a wife , but i want a kid .

So ., artificial insemination could be the only way .

But then there is another problem , i know that every kid needs a mother ! Not just a father .

And my kid should have everything , and hence surely a mother .



Damn , i will have to get married after all .



And even if i have a baby girl (i have decided upon her name ) , what will i do when she goes over 5 years ? Will she be yet another girl that i see everywhere ?


No , she is my kid after all .



Where am i going ?? Ha Ha , look at me , 23 years old , atleast 6 years away from a marriage/child. , and already i am worried about my kid . LOL


This is what pheno'menon' is all about , i am really funny ..,am i not ?

LOLs