Love life nostalgia

I am caught in nostalgia today. Love life is the best when it comes to thinking about the past.

I remember this girl from 5th standard.I don't really remember her name or her face , but she definitely fall in to the one of my earliest love interests. She was fair , and..., and that's it. I changed school the next year , and i forgot her.

Then i think i had plenty of love interests. As a matter of fact , i was in love with almost every girl , or rather , i expected at least one of them to have a crush on me.But it never happened , i think they were also thinking the same way. I did flirt even those days, and i am sure many of the girls loved that. But nothing really important happened.I remember a rumor that one of the bad looking girls were in love with me , but there was no proper evidence for that and i was not interested in verifying.

Probably somewhere in 12th standard, is where she would have come. I was dying to flirt those days , but did not really have great chances with a strict and traditional school in Kerala. And then she was there - fair , hot and cute new comer of 11th.I made a bet with my friends on her , and thus it happened. I thought she would not give a damn about me , and would be surrounded by plenty of guys .But it was not so , and it was easy for me.

She had a card shop , which was quite near to my house. I went there once , twice , and i think that did it.I kept it as a secret to my friends , and agreed that i lost the bet.

One day she came to my house and i served her grape juice .This incident broke out in school , and several friends kissed me as they thought she kissed me. I felt like a hero !

And then it happened ,I kissed for the first time in my life. I also did several other things for the first time in my life.

Did i love her ? I don't know , but i am sure neither of us really did knew what the meaning of love is. No one knows , at 18 . It is just a fantasy , a beautiful fantasy(which should happen to everyone). And i am sure we lived in that fantasy ,for 2-3 years. I even went up to the limit of telling both our parents that i wanted to marry her. There had been lot of problems , very much like a movie story, rich girl , big family , threats , and the climax.

The climax is a bit different in this story though . We both moved to Coimbatore for college and then we started to experience a new world of freedom and friends. Frustration kept on piling up inside me about the relationship.I did not like the way she lived and neither did she like mine.I really wanted to break the shackles and live a free life but my 'commitment' did not let me do it.

And thus it happened , one day , she called me and told me that its over. I agreed. We decided to part ways. I felt relieved.

After a week or so , i bought a present for her birthday and called her. It was switched off.

Tried home , friends and every one . No news.

After a few months after her disappearance , i learned that she has ran away with someone .I met her brother whom i thought hated me , but then realised was a fine person. He explained whatever he knew and we decided to do a search for her.

Did i pursue the search for the girl who left me ? No . By that time , i also had left her , and i was sure enjoying my freedom. I started doping and drinking , and many a time blamed it on her , which i now realize was just an excuse.

I loved the fact that i could now sleep with any women, and decided never to fall in love again. My 'sleeping with several women' stories are there in my previous posts. Check it out if you are ready to 'lol' at me.

And thus it ended , my first love. It was followed up with several other 'flings' or short term assignments. My primary requirement was sex ,with some romancing and a little bit of sharing.I always made sure whenever it was about to get serious ,put an end to it and run away from it.

Frankly , i was scared to fall in love.

Then , recently , i decided to change .Is it because i fell heads over heals in love with someone? Is it because love happens to every one ? No , i don't think so . I dont think i am in love even now. But yes ,things have changed. I sometimes wonder if this is yet another practical adjustment that i have made to my life. I am finding it so tough to accept this new phase , but still holding on .

Tired of writing , let 'what happened to me recently' be a surprise , which i will try to cover in another post.

Recreating Magic , can i ?

Couple of years back , when i was in Cochin , Mom got a transfer and i ended being alone at home. I have never known what it was like to be alone till then , but when i got a taste of it , i loved it.

I had everything i wanted , my own space , TV , Internet , kitchen , bike , everything , just for me. No one to bother , no one to watch . I could dance when i want , i could make my own schedules , i could write in peace. Wow !!

Eventually i moved to Chennai , with my friends. I would not say i did'nt enjoy it., but then i always used to cherish those memories of being alone. I would always tell my room mates how wonderful it is to be alone , and they thought i was crazy. But i kept a secret promise to myself to move as soon as i have chance and money.

And thus it happened, i moved last month . Small , neat house. I made sure i had everything like earlier , i wanted to recreate that magic . Even my new job matched my desires , i mostly work on single shifts, where i get to see no one .

I should be loving this , but am i ? What is bothering me now ? Did i get used to being in company ? Is it unnecessary tensions of the career and future ? Is it the girl ?

I want to recreate that magic . I want to be so free .., me and the world , all alone ... I want to write beautiful stories. I want to read them again and again , and fall in love with them , and then hate them. I want to study networking , i want to drink listening to soft music, send smokes towards the skies. I want to swim , i want to love people around me .I want to cook , and eat it all by myself ...

Will i recreate the magic?

I dont write any more.

I cant write anymore . I really cant. Its been about 6 months since i have written a short story. I started many after that, but never completed any. I lack in ideas , creativity , enthusiasm. I have always believed that writing is my true passion, but has it died in me ?

3 years back when i started this blog i had lot of people asking me about it,appreciating and encouraging. Today , it has become more like goverment agency which has been run for none. But , for past 2 years or so (when this degradation started) ,i have been living with my friends , and never really had a personal space or peace of mind to sit back and write.However , i have moved recently , and i have put a hold to alcohol.I hope this change will help me to get back to writng ., i dont care if any one reads this , but i want to write , write and write ..

Changing my blog template due to superstition or for the feel of a new begining.

Cheers

Little things that i love

# Planes

Zhooooom..... Here he comes , down , down , down .., sharp big face and hands spread out.I love it even better if there is a visible blade on the wings . The Cargo ones are my favourite , they are the biggest !!

# Cats

Last week a small one got trapped in our Kitchen. He was as small as my palm , but when i went near him , he was like 'Aghhhh ... Grhmmmmm ..Grrrggg' . Thats attitude man !

# Tigers/Dogs

I will get a dog as soon as i am settled somewhere , and i will adopt a tiger before i die.

# Little girls

I have talked about this earlier , just re emphasizing the fact that i am crazy about little girls.

# Saloon

I love going to a Saloon . I dont know why , but i really like when i am sitting there and some one playing with my hair .

# My blog

I am in love with my blog. The best thing is that i have absolute freedom here , no one reads this , yet i get the pleasure of talking to the whole world.

Will come back and edit this post later ..

Accepting it!

Yes , i am not writing anything these days . Not even here . Its so sick .

But then , what is the point of writing for the heck of it !

I will be back when i feel like blabbering .. Bye for now !!

The 3 avatars !

I just happened to scroll down and see the nonsense i been writing for sometime !

I cant believe that i been bullshitting so much . Its full of sick love stories and some other sentimental crap !! Its quite visible that i have not been laid for a long time.

I thought about how to change this situation , and meditated for 75 hours straight . Lalit Modi , Sania Mirza and Rakhi Sawant appeared in my meditation,and i recieved 3 different suggestions to improve my blog.

Laliit M : Take a break for 6 months . You will be back with a bang.

Sania Mirza : Get married to a Pakistani/Afghani etc , your blog will get the maximum media coverage.

Rakhi Sawant : For every problem in the world , there is only one solution . Take it off !!



When it comes to advices , you can only trust the most intelligent ! This had been a close contest ,yet i made my decision ,



OFF goes my blog template ...

Moments when you feel great !

There are moments in each and every one of our lives , when certain small things happen , which just brightens up your life . No , it will not change your life for ever , but will make you feel alive.

A normal wednesday night , roaming around facebook and planning to go to sleep. Then this happens ,

XXXXX hi Aravind
11:31pmMe hi

11:31pmXXXXX how r u
11:31pmMe good , n u?

I check my huge friend list , and checks his pic .We have some common friends , but i am not able to recognise who he is . I am wondering why he is pinging me , but i always show some courtsey , and decided to ask him something,

11:32pmMe were are you?


11:33pmXXXXX in london
doing my masters
how is life ?

11:33pm Me
life is same
and ordinary
;);)

11:34pmXXXXX
want to tel u sumtng...... saw ur short film. good effort from ur side. can see how much u have worked for it
keep the good work gng!


This is the moment i am talking about ...


11:35pmXXXXX
yum man i was disccussing it wit my frnd

11:35pmXXXXX
huh u r gr8

11:35pmXXXXX
nice
r u working on any such films now?


NO , he is not gay . I am sure he dont even really remember me . I also know i am being overexcited for a small appreciation . I have recieved such appreciations in the past as well . But all i am saying is that , moments like this can make you feel something , something which tells you that there is some good reason why you are alive .


Me
bye
thanks for the suport
:):)