Love - Pain in the a$$

Yet again , i am worried , confused and drunk .

Let me come straight in to the point , i kinda like a girl these days . When i say like , i am not sure if i am in love or anything ,may be because i dont really believe in it .

The thing is that , she is pretty awesome . Hot,intelligent and smart ! Whats more ,she is younger than me , of my same caste/creed and has similar attitude towards life . So we were going out pretty happily for past 5-6 months .

Now , there is a problem . She has left India , and probably we wont be seeing for next 1-2 years . Oops !

I am pretty happy that she is happy down there (well,i am bit jealous as well , as i have never been outside India) .I would want her to enjoy her life and have fun .

BUT . I feel bit uncomfortable these days . I feel that she would go on to find some one better , some one who would give her a lot of surprises and gifts (which i never did) , and ultimately , she would have physical relationship with him !!

I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!

I am heart broken . , and i am like "Why does the bitch have to doooo thhaat??? "

Ok , wait a minute . She is a good woman ., and she is not that bitchy kind .Why am i overdoing things here ?

I never proposed her , though i always knew she would accept it . I did not do that coz, i never believed in long distance relations . As my friend 'lineproducer' told me yesterday ,-"Out of sight is like Out of Mind" .

And there is another reason why i did not propose . I wanted to have sex with many women before i marry.

So look at me now . I really like this girl , but i am afraid of getting on to commitment . And more over , i would want to give her that time and space rather than taking a hasty decision . So i am not committed , and i dont worry about her .

But its not like that .Coz i am thinking about her a lot these days . Fuck it ! Moreover , i am not really feeling like going out with another girl !! In short , everything is screwed !

Sighhhh.....

Ok , my decision is correct . Let her live her life , and if she finds a better guy , let her be with him .It would have been worser if that happened after we got committed . Btw , lets pray she never finds anyone better .

I am not going to try some other girl(atleast for now) . I dont feel like doing it ., im fucking getting old , and i have a lot more important things to do in life .

The simplest way that a man can be happy , is by having a unconditional relationship with a woman .You dont lose anything by loving some one .., despite what she gives in return .Go watch Forrest Gump today .

There are lot more things happening in my life these days . Will let you know .

I feel so very better after writing this . Nothing gives me more pleasure than writing .

I am going to reduce my 'profanity' (interesting word eh? ) Let me change some alphabets to '$' symbol !

Finally , after several nights and days ...

One Night Stand is over !

Thats right , my short film 'one night stand' is completed .It took around 4 months ! Ohhhh .. Thats just for a 12 min short film . I cant imagine what will happen when i make a feature film !

And i need to thank several people (and almighty)here . If i start to list them , i am sure i will miss some one . So if you are reading this and if you know that you have helped , please take my sincere thanks . I would not have reached here without you .

I am thinking about how to proceed . I am financially stuck ,so i would need to wait till next month to make proper DVD copies and stuff . , but before that i will have to send copies to all my well wishers .

If you ask me whether i am happy - I am . It was my big , long time dream . But then again , i am not satisfied with the film as such . I have made several mistakes and frankly , its not an impressive movie . I dont know why i am degrading my own movie , but whats the point in over hyping it just like all other film makers ? Black is black and white is white ,even if you defend it .

But having said that , i think this is an impressive effort from a person who have absolutely no experience in film making . I have really struggled in the making , of all sorts , and i am happy its visible .., some how .

Confusing post ? I am a confused man . So live with it !

Scared of laziness

I wrote half of this post before 2 weeks and was so lazy to complete it and post it .
Now start reading .


Everyday i sit back and say to myself ., DONT BE LAZY -THIS TIME WILL NOT COME BACK.

But still , i feel i am getting lazy . Well , i was always lazy ., i was never that hardworking geek .. But that cant be an excuse now , i am already too old (going to be 25 this september - thats another thing that scares the shit out of me) , and i am nowhere near my targets (Thats not true , i am somewhere in the picture) .

So i need to start several things
-Utilise most of the time in productive purposes (Reading, Blogging,Film making ,Studying)
-Reduce the time spent to watch/read porn (I have promised my galfrnd that ,post marriage this time can be utilised for more 'productive' purposes )
-Sleep the right amount of time (Sometimes i sleep less , sometimes too much)
-Exercise every day
-Join a Yoga class or more preferably a place where they teach Bhagavad Geetha
-Reduce smoking

Many more things , but as always, i dont remember them all .

Achumama is complaining that i am not posting much in my blog , so even though i know that this is a boring post , i am posting it .

Muaaah !!!





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What the fuck was that ? A kiss ??

The Struggling Film maker -

Before 2-3 months ,i was on a chat with my friend 'invent' ( ofcourse all about films and film making ). I told him about one of my stories 'One Night Stand' and before i finished , he told me .., "Lets make it , i will share half the production cost " .

That's how it started , and here i am 2-3 months down the line , with almost 70% of the film done.I'm happy that i have reached so far , and i am sure that i will go ahead and complete it no matter what comes ahead ., but still i feel a bit down due to all the unnecessary yet inevitable delays (contradicting eh ? let it be ).

So here i go , i am going to share with you on all my experiences till now and what happens to my short film ..(whatever may it be ) .

Episode 1 : The Beginning - Script , Screenplay and DP

To start with , i consulted a few of my friends who have experience in film making , and asked them whether i am capable enough to direct a short film . And with all the confidence they gave , i decided to give it a shot .

Me and Invent went to visit a studio which he knew , and then discussed about the cam and other costs . We planned the whole thing and our cost came around 15 K . That's great ," i can spend 7.5 K ", we both said together ...

OK ,now i had the task of writing script and screenplay . It took me around 10 days and about 150 cigarettes to complete a 14 page screenplay (may be the font size was large) . But still i had a proper screenplay , with even cam angles !

Now the next task was to find a cameraman or DP or cinematographer or whatever you call that man who look very serious on set . I again went through my set of friends and saw a lot of profiles and checked out their works , . Thats how i came across CamSat . He was introduced to me by one of my friends Vicky . I arranged a meeting with CamSat and called up another friend ModAr , and we met up on one fine evening . I showed my screenplay to them . When ModAr , as expected was more into the production costs and the marketing stratergies and other things about how to sell this 'product' , CamSat sat back and quietly read the script . I kept looking at him , but he never looked at me , which made me happy ,as i knew he was still reading it .

Finally , he kept all the papers inside the file , and looked at me and said . "Thats interesting plot , lets do it " . I smiled , and ModAr shook his head .

When CamSat left , ModAr asked me a very important question . "He is a proffessional ,just completed a feature film as DP., doesnt he expect something ?I mean financially?" ... That question left me worried . I knew he was the guy who can do it , but my budget plan do not have a space called 'remuneration for cameraman' . I nervously called up CamSat and asked him politely . "Do you expect anything , ehh.. like remuneration" . He laughed for sometime and told me "Dont worry , lets do it , then if you find anything left in your budget , let me know "

I didnt know how to thank him ..,even at this point i dont know how to !


Next episode : Actor Hunt .

I was Busy !

Long time , since i have written anything in here , but seriously , I was very Busy

Do i have another post just like this one ?Damn !

Ok , alright ., so as you would have read in the previous post , i had been behind that goose most of the time . And fuck , she hides well (If i make the goose a 'he' , i may sound gay) .

I started making a short film , after that long wait . But it is still incomplete . I will write another big bloody post about all the struggles and fun and diarrheas that i had to face in the process

I am wondering whether i am becoming normal in my personal life . I no longer spend days and months thinking about how to flirt and have sex (though i have hardly succeeded) . I recently went out on a date with a gal , and gosh! ., i was so bored . The same dialogues , the same places , the same style . I am seriously bored of this ..

There is another romantic part that is developing in my life . Fuck , i dont understand why these things are happening to me !I was not like this last time i wrote a post in here .
Did some one do an Illunga surgery on me ? Or is it just that i am getting older ?




Anyways , as my editor always says , lets keep it short ! I will come back with other great stories later :)









PS: There is nothing called as IIIunga surgery , i just used the toughest word in english so that you people would go crazy about it !
http://www.proz.com/forum/linguistics/22232-illunga_tops_ten_toughest_words_that_leave_translators_tongue_tied-.html

The Wild Goose Chase

I am sitting in my office , 5.30 AM in the morning waiting for my shift to end.I am back to night shifts after what they call as the honeymoon (training) period .

Oh did i tell you that i am finally on to a new project ? Its a different thing from what i have been doing for past 2 years , but i am happy that i at least have a job to go to .

So coming back to the topic.,I am wondering what all i want in life . The dreams are big and many . I want to be very very rich , i want to make wonderful movies , i want to tell beautiful stories , i want to be a good network engineer , i want to blog ,i want to have sex with a european woman , and finally i want to discover a meteorite which will crash on earth and we all get fucked !

Many people tell me that i am in a wild goose chase . And i agree .I am chasing a wild goose ., not just one , but many . And i have two explanations why i do it

1.I believe life is all about Karma Yoga . I dont want to lead a normal life and then when i become 60 , look back and think how stupid it was not to follow my passions when i was 20 .

2.Wild gooses are chase'able . All you need to do is a couple of months of jogging practice.If you don't trust me check this out
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greylag_Goose .

So let me continue wild goose chase .(My only worry is whether Menaka Gandhi and co. wouldfile a case on me . )

PS: I am not able to change the font of this post !

Im Very Busy !

Yes , Im very busy these days and 'Im lovin it' .

Lot of things happened in between ,headlines are as follows-

'I DID IT' - After a wait of 24 long years

I recieved a lot of applications to join Sree Purusha Blogger Sena . If at all i had thought about this a bit earlier , SPBS could have had a seat in the parliment this time .

I have plans of making a short

My job is under a lot of pressure

Couple of my friends who recently became followers of this stupid blog , has asked me to write about them . Achayan and others , dont worry , i will write about you .

I even have a couple of posts ready to publish , but i feel this is not the right time . I will be back full fledged soon , c ya then .

:)