Vaal (not wall)

Vaal (not wall) .

I am keeping up my promise of enlightening you guys with informative posts . This week its about a phenomenon called 'Vaal' and how pheno'menon' encountered its massive effect yesterday .

Vaal/definition/:
Vaal is the process of ejection(not ejaculation) of unnecessary alcohol in the body , mixed with snacks , water , pepsi and any other eatable substance taken before/after alcohol consumption .

Vaal is only found in malayalees , especially males . The same phenomenon is called as 'Vaandhi' in tamil nadu . When a person encounters vaal, that process is called as 'Vaalu vekkal'


I was getting a bit worried of not 'vaalu vekkal' for a long time.Actually i dont remember the last time i did it . But yesterday , it all came back , with all its fury , not just once , but thrice .

It was acmama's birthday yesterday .I came back after my night shift and went straight to TASMAC and bought 2250 ml of Oak Vat rum , 1950 ml of Vorion 6000 beer and 540 ml of Romanov vodka .I was the only person in charge to finish Romanov vodka .(I prefer Brandy + water ,but i just wanted to try something different)

Everyone arrived on time , and we started our pooja at about 11 AM .

It was about 6.00 PM , when i felt something rolling upwards from my abdomen . It was slow and steady , but it was definitely on its way out . I knew he was coming !

I am proud to say that with more than half litre of alcohol inside , i managed to move to the bathroom and position perfectly in front of the washbasin .Then , i told to myself .,"Yes , the long wait is over ,my kidneys are still in place , welcome back vaal"

Fucking - A City

I have been talking a lot of nonsense here for a long time that i decided to do publish something informative and serious . From now onwards i will be enlightening you every now and then , so that our citizens become more educated and thus prevent global economic recession .


Todays feature is about Fucking - A city .












'Fucking' is a City in Austria . The settlement Fucking has existed since at least 1070 and is named after a man from the 6th century called Focko. (What a man !)


Fucking's most famous feature is a traffic sign with its name on it, beside which tourists often stop to have their photograph taken. It is a commonly stolen street sign. public funds have been spent on replacing the stolen signs .(What the fuck , you may be fucking citizens , but atleast let us take photographs of fucking sign , we too love your fucking city , we are fucking brothers and sisters )

In August 2005, the road signs were replaced with theft-resistant signs welded to steel and secured in concrete to prevent further chances of the sign being stolen . (Now its concrete fucking there ,wow)

Credits (except for the italicized comments) : Wikipedia

20 Random thoughts

1#I feel that i am a good blogger , yet i dont get many visitors . WTF .

2#Every time i enter a train/Bus/waiting room etc , i hope that there will a hot girl sitting next to me , but it never

happens .

3#I am trying to quit smoking . Damn it is so difficult

4#What if some of my relatives come in and see this blog ? Il be screwed big time . I am a very good boy back home .

5#I am planning to write a blog on cockroaches . I have watched them so closely for over a decade .

6#Do not wear Underwear at home . It would restrict blood flow through vital areas .

7#I dont want to write blogs .

8#I love dogs and cats and tigers . I hate flowers and fishes and birds

9#Should i cut my hair or not ? I want to grow it long and be like John Abraham(old) , but i know i will end being like Sai Baba .

10#I am feeling horny.

11#I love cooking - Im gona write a few recipes as well .

12#My dear acmama , i know you'l be reading this . Thanks again , i dont have such good followers like you . Try to leave comments here rather than coming back home and telling me . Lets keep things official ! :P

13#I always confuse republic day and independence day .

14#I like being a network engineer .

15#Im hungry now , let me save this document and go eat something .

16#I tried a girl in orkut , now we are friends , but i like one of her friends now . Should i stick with the first or go for her friend ?

17#I am sad that McCain lost it , i wanted to see Sarah Palin every day on TV :(

18#Dravid will score a century in next innings ,Manchester United will rape Arsenal at emirates .

19#Shit , i forgot to wash socks .

20#Do girls get turned on by a 'Peter England' or 'Jockey' when guys bend down ?

The Smooch Story

Oops , i did it again !

Britney would not have said that more than what i would have .

Well ., as you all expected this is another post on my never ending search of a good bitchy girl .

So , getting straight into the point ,. i smooched a girl last week . It was not such smo00ch smooch but it was better than just a French kiss . I really loved it for several reasons ., if you guys have read the virginity issue you would know what kind of a girl that i had been looking over the years. And you know what ?This was such a perfect match ., now listen carefully ..,

8:00 PM :I meet her

8:10 PM :We shake hands . I realise that she is not so cute but so hot .

8:30 PM :We go out in my bike to buy some stuff .

8:33 PM :I realise that she is bit too close than what usually a girl would be .

8:40 PM:I stop to buy some stuff . I notice that almost everyone out there is noticing HER (now that did hurt my ego ., look at me bastards )

8:45 PM:I decide to give it a try . I tell her that she is so cute (Trust me guys ., there is nothing better to make a girl happy than to tell her that she is beautiful)

8:45:30 :She tells me that i too look so cute and fresh (Fresh ? Thats odd, did she mean hot ?)

8:50 PM:I ask her to kiss me . (We are in the bike still,but its fun to kiss while driving)

8:50-9:10 : As all other girls would do , she teases me saying no , though i knew that she would definitely kiss me (I should actually write a book on Girls psychology )

9:15 PM: Finally she kisses me . I realise that it had been more than an year since i have kissed any girl . What a loser i am !

9:20 PM:We go back home

9:20 - 10:20 : Nothing much happens as my friends were there , except a few touchings and fondlings whenever we got a chance .

10:30 PM: She asked me whether we can dance (Oh hell yea , though i know only street dancing)

10:35 PM: Smchs after smchs (thats the short form that im gona use , im tired of typing that word) as All our friends were some where outside the room .

10:50 PM: I realise that she is too drunk , and i asked her whether she can come with me .

10:51 PM: She made me realise that she is a good drunkard , as she told me that she wont come with me tonight .

11:00 PM: Having realised that nothing's gona happen , i finish the remaining beers and call up my friends to leave .

11:10 PM:We are about to leave , she calls me up , and gives me her phone number and tells me "You call me next sunday and you can take me where ever you want "


End of description .


Now you see , thats the best thing that can happen to any man . Some hot girl , Not in love with me , do not want to marry me , thinks that i am hot , and she do not have the sick old traditional values .

Any man would have had a great time the next sunday .





But you see , this is phenomenon . And people who have read my blog would know that as usual , i would screw this thing up .And i did .........., Oops i did it again !

There is something strange with me ., because though i tried to call her (and her mobile was switched off) , i did not try hard to get in touch with her again after that night . When the next friday came , i thought about it , and decided to do it this time atleast .

But i dont know why guys ., i did not feel like going for it . I pity myself .,but again i cannot help it .Im like this , some one who would cry that i dont get any chances , but the fact is that even if i get it , il screw it up like this .

Sunday came ,I met one of my old friends who was taking a short film , and spend the whole day discussing about the script and other stuff . Finally when i came back in the evening ., i tried to figure out whats wrong in me .

I cant find an answer , but the point is that , though i crib over it again and again ,somewhere i get a feeling that i dont want to do it for the heck of doing it ..I dont know ., but there is something else that is necessary to be with some one ..more than just alcohol and hormones .

Hmm.. So another chapter gets closed . And i am back to level 0 . As always , lets hope i would cross levels atleast next time ...

Deserted .

Times are changing , things are getting different in my life .

Somewhere from my early teens ., i always have had one or the other girl to hang around , dream , touch-feel , and make romantic conversations over phone .

Past 2-3 months , i am experiencing a relay withdrawal of girls from my life . One after the other , they all do not want to be with me any more . One or two i was really pissed off , as i never thought that they would do it ., or else i was a bit too confident of myself that i expected them always to hang around me . But i was wrong (i should be ) .

I got upset and tried to make new relation(s) . I always used to be pretty good (thank god) in making a new connection whenever i want . But i dont know why , this time , among 4-5 i tried , i must admit that i succeeded in hardly one .

Now thats strange . I used to succeed in these kinda things in the past . Or else it was my hobby .And its hard to digest this now . I was trying to find what was wrong with me , did i become too bad looking , or too boring or too poor ?

I called up thulu one day , and we had a very strange talk (details of which i cannot say in here) . ,and then Pratz ., i know they are both my good friends ., and it was them who made me think again .

The problem is not my looks or my smartness ., the problem is my Ego . Yea , it is . I have no reason why i need a relationship or a girlfriend (probably except the physical factor) ., and it is just for the sake of telling myself , 'hey dude , you have lot of girlfriends , you are cool ' that i am looking for a girl . That is so pathetic .

When i look at those who left in recent past ., atleast 3 or 4 of them wanted to marry me , and it is once they realised that it is never gona work out , that they left me . I expected them never to leave me and stick behind me even if they find a better guy . Oh cmon pheno , you are no hrithik roshan ! :P

Beyond all this there are a couple of reasons more that i see .

I am not very interested in flirting around and wasting time going behind girls . If they come for me , thats fine (Ha Ha , now stop laughing ) . I think its a matter of growing up . Am i getting a small realisation that i am not any more a silly college guy ?

The other reason is what is scaring me . I post all these things in here ., and then i have a link running from my orkut profile . I can see more and more hits on my blog ., and i am pretty very sure that a lot of people are looking in to all his crap . Are these girls staying away , because they have realised how bad a guy i am ! ?

If thats the case , i have two words for ya ! F off !! This is what PhenoMenon is , and this is what i will be ., if you cant take me like this , then you cant take me any time .

But still i get a feeling that i should take that link off my profile . I am not blogging to have a lot of readers enlightened ., or expecting that a publisher would come in and ask me to write a book ., but i do this because i love writing . And as i have said in my first post ., i need to express myself somewhere .

I know this is another boring post . I do not have many interesting things happening around me these days . WTF

Btw , even though i have poured out all this sentiments , i will tell you something ., i will still carry on hunting for girls ., hot girls ., and lets hope i would hook up with one soon . Pray for me guys !! :P :D

Birthday Bumps and a realisation .

September 16 .

Hah! Its my birthday guys . Fuck . 24 years old ., i am almost an uncle , am i not ?

So what happened last year . Hmm ...,what ? Well, nothing much happened . And we should speak about last years on the new year day , and not on a bday , right ?

Oggay , so what else , what happened in past 24 years ? Psss .. thats even more boring .

Well what happened today could be a bit more interesting . My Bday started being heavily drunk, and the usual bumps (don't understand which bastard discovered that fuck all practice) and like every other bday boy , i cant walk properly now .

Well , i did cut a cake , though it was not a typical bday cake , i did cut one which my friend bought from home when he came back after Onam. Now , why that was special for me is because i don't remember cutting cakes for my bday in recent times . Such stuff are for gals and kids ,we would rather save that money and get one more bottle of alcohol . right guys ?

So , i started expecting calls and messages . That was when this bday was a bit different . I give a fuck about people calling me and wishing , and i seriously do not believe in such formalities , but its just that i have got used to it over the years .So this time too i expected a few calls .

But i didnt get many ! actually i got only 2-3 at around 12 midnight , and all 3 of them were not from people who usually calls me . I was really happy for that i have people other than the usual ones remembering my bday ., but i was kinda pissed off why the usual guys didnt call .

I tried to forget it and get on with my alcohol ,but i couldnt . Damn ., how could they forget my bday .

That is when i realised how bad i had been over the years . I dont remember any of my friends birthday . Why friends , i seriously is not sure of my mother/sister/father's bithdays . What a bloody asshole i am !

Now., was i getting it all back? I know its not because of it that my friends didnt call me , and they do not expect it from me . May be the bday calendar didnt ring for them or their mobile got switched off or something , but unfortunately , None called ! NO ONE called me damn it !

"Oh , cmon man , you are not gona cry over this , grow up " , You guys dont have to tell this to me , because i have never been such a sentimental ass . But i have just realised that , probably there is some necessity to give importance to lesser things in life .Though i am still too lazy to create a birtday calendar .

I finally called up thulu and blasted her for not calling me . Poor girl , she felt bad . Thats ok , she deserves to feel bad . LOL .

And ashez and few others called up today morning , but still there are loads missing . There still is some time left in the day , lets hope they all will make it before i am over 24 .

Note(s) Added :
1#This post was supposed to be done yesterday , but i was too lazy to do that .So just take this as if i have posted it on September 16 , 8 pm . (And nothing much happened after that , i went home , smoked and slept )

2#Those who called me an uncle ,because i have turned one more year older , and more because i have a mustache now , need to understand something . I am trying whether i can really have a mustache like south Indian superstars , which seems to be far off possibility after 3 weeks of mustache cultivation , and hence i may go shave soon .., And i cant do a fuck about growing older and older every year . Damn it .

A Loser Hero and couple of prostitutes !

Prostitutes .

Very interesting subject . No no , i dont write porn here , so those who opened this link for some steamy encounters can close it right away .

So , for the rest ,this is a story about a loser (only in this aspect) and his encounters with prostitutes .

Well ,you are desperately horny and being a normal unmarried south indian , you have two options .
1#Get a girlfriend , screw her .

2#Go for a prostitute .

So , which one is better option ? I know you picked 1# .

But there are problems with 1# , as it has two subdivisions as well
1#
a)Your girllfriend do not give a damn about relationships , and is only interested in sex .

b)Your girlfriend , believes you , trusts you , and hopes that you will marry her .


Well, there lies the problem . Our hero here ,fortunately gets many girlfriends , but unfortunately they all turn out to be belonging to 1 b) ,or our hero thinks so. And our loser hero is a bit too light hearted that he dont want to make anyone unhappy just for sex.

Loser hero , do not want to get married or committed , but want to screw someone somehow .

So , such a condition , tempted our hero to go for option 2# . See , you dont make any one unhappy ,and there is no commitments . And whats more ,you are probably helping some one to earn a few bucks ., and more than everything , you are a MAN , finally !

Thats how the two encounters happened , one 2-3 years back , when hero was on a tour .

Lets brief the events that day .

Hero tempted all his friends to go for a girl , hero guided them and took them , hero paid for 2 of them , and hero went first .

But before going in , hero got a promise from everyone . We are not going to Fuck(literally) , lets see how a girl body would look ,and go back .

Agreed .

Everyone except hero screwed her in and out , and before hero realised that its not very clever to make promises with drunk guys , hero was out of money and time , and hence ., nothing happend . Well , NOTHING happened .

But hero was in full of tensions as he regretted what he did , and wondered whether he would get some STD's . Hero even went on to meet a doctor , and was afraid of going for a blood test . Poor guy . He then decided , that he will never ever pay for sex again .

Now , today , hero had to partially break that promise .

Hero never again tried for a pro(not proffesional pro , its prostitute pro . Interesting similarity though) , but today , hero's roommate , wanted to screw some one very desperately . Now he being a master in this buisness ., just took him an hour before he got her home , and unfortunately hero was home too .

Hero thought about it for sometime , and though not really horny then,desperation of a virgin, forced him to give a try .

Event inside the room detailed .

Hero goes in - locks the door -takes a look -pathetic lady- sits next to her - holds her - she kisses hero - hero moves away - hero asks her to undress - hero's tom dick and harry still not showing any interest - she tries to catch something and make hero interested - hero says thats enough - unlocks the door - hero goes out .


I dont have to add the fact that , room mate went in and had a great time . But now lets come back to hero .

Hero is sad as well as happy . Happy for the reason that he did not do anything , just saw her nude , and probably touched each other . Hero did not pay for sex this time , just had a little bit of fun , thats all .

Sad because , even if partially , he had to break his promise . And he is still afraid of STD's . Will they transmit if you touch the person ? I mean , just touch !? Oh cmon , we are all educated and we know there's no harm , but then its not that fear that is hurting him , its the regret . Its so unfortunate that hero is a hero and hence a good man .

Loser hero has promised himself that he will not even go near any pro's ever in life time . But will he keep his promise ? I think so , because this time he is not just afraid , he is very confident , and this decision is taken , not for making him happy for the time being , but because , hero knows that he do not want to do this .

Our Hero is a Loser , but he is still our hero isnt it ?

And do you guys know what ? Its good to call yourself a hero at times , but its not that cool when you call urself a loser every now n then !!