Deserted .

Times are changing , things are getting different in my life .

Somewhere from my early teens ., i always have had one or the other girl to hang around , dream , touch-feel , and make romantic conversations over phone .

Past 2-3 months , i am experiencing a relay withdrawal of girls from my life . One after the other , they all do not want to be with me any more . One or two i was really pissed off , as i never thought that they would do it ., or else i was a bit too confident of myself that i expected them always to hang around me . But i was wrong (i should be ) .

I got upset and tried to make new relation(s) . I always used to be pretty good (thank god) in making a new connection whenever i want . But i dont know why , this time , among 4-5 i tried , i must admit that i succeeded in hardly one .

Now thats strange . I used to succeed in these kinda things in the past . Or else it was my hobby .And its hard to digest this now . I was trying to find what was wrong with me , did i become too bad looking , or too boring or too poor ?

I called up thulu one day , and we had a very strange talk (details of which i cannot say in here) . ,and then Pratz ., i know they are both my good friends ., and it was them who made me think again .

The problem is not my looks or my smartness ., the problem is my Ego . Yea , it is . I have no reason why i need a relationship or a girlfriend (probably except the physical factor) ., and it is just for the sake of telling myself , 'hey dude , you have lot of girlfriends , you are cool ' that i am looking for a girl . That is so pathetic .

When i look at those who left in recent past ., atleast 3 or 4 of them wanted to marry me , and it is once they realised that it is never gona work out , that they left me . I expected them never to leave me and stick behind me even if they find a better guy . Oh cmon pheno , you are no hrithik roshan ! :P

Beyond all this there are a couple of reasons more that i see .

I am not very interested in flirting around and wasting time going behind girls . If they come for me , thats fine (Ha Ha , now stop laughing ) . I think its a matter of growing up . Am i getting a small realisation that i am not any more a silly college guy ?

The other reason is what is scaring me . I post all these things in here ., and then i have a link running from my orkut profile . I can see more and more hits on my blog ., and i am pretty very sure that a lot of people are looking in to all his crap . Are these girls staying away , because they have realised how bad a guy i am ! ?

If thats the case , i have two words for ya ! F off !! This is what PhenoMenon is , and this is what i will be ., if you cant take me like this , then you cant take me any time .

But still i get a feeling that i should take that link off my profile . I am not blogging to have a lot of readers enlightened ., or expecting that a publisher would come in and ask me to write a book ., but i do this because i love writing . And as i have said in my first post ., i need to express myself somewhere .

I know this is another boring post . I do not have many interesting things happening around me these days . WTF

Btw , even though i have poured out all this sentiments , i will tell you something ., i will still carry on hunting for girls ., hot girls ., and lets hope i would hook up with one soon . Pray for me guys !! :P :D