Yet again , i am worried , confused and drunk .
Let me come straight in to the point , i kinda like a girl these days . When i say like , i am not sure if i am in love or anything ,may be because i dont really believe in it .
The thing is that , she is pretty awesome . Hot,intelligent and smart ! Whats more ,she is younger than me , of my same caste/creed and has similar attitude towards life . So we were going out pretty happily for past 5-6 months .
Now , there is a problem . She has left India , and probably we wont be seeing for next 1-2 years . Oops !
I am pretty happy that she is happy down there (well,i am bit jealous as well , as i have never been outside India) .I would want her to enjoy her life and have fun .
BUT . I feel bit uncomfortable these days . I feel that she would go on to find some one better , some one who would give her a lot of surprises and gifts (which i never did) , and ultimately , she would have physical relationship with him !!
I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!
I am acting like a Fucked up , old fashioned Indian lover boy ! Damn it !!!
I am heart broken . , and i am like "Why does the bitch have to doooo thhaat??? "
Ok , wait a minute . She is a good woman ., and she is not that bitchy kind .Why am i overdoing things here ?
I never proposed her , though i always knew she would accept it . I did not do that coz, i never believed in long distance relations . As my friend 'lineproducer' told me yesterday ,-"Out of sight is like Out of Mind" .
And there is another reason why i did not propose . I wanted to have sex with many women before i marry.
So look at me now . I really like this girl , but i am afraid of getting on to commitment . And more over , i would want to give her that time and space rather than taking a hasty decision . So i am not committed , and i dont worry about her .
But its not like that .Coz i am thinking about her a lot these days . Fuck it ! Moreover , i am not really feeling like going out with another girl !! In short , everything is screwed !
Sighhhh.....
Ok , my decision is correct . Let her live her life , and if she finds a better guy , let her be with him .It would have been worser if that happened after we got committed . Btw , lets pray she never finds anyone better .
I am not going to try some other girl(atleast for now) . I dont feel like doing it ., im fucking getting old , and i have a lot more important things to do in life .
The simplest way that a man can be happy , is by having a unconditional relationship with a woman .You dont lose anything by loving some one .., despite what she gives in return .Go watch Forrest Gump today .
There are lot more things happening in my life these days . Will let you know .
I feel so very better after writing this . Nothing gives me more pleasure than writing .
