# Wanted to live in a foreign country (not middle east).
# Wanted to be with female friends all around me, having fun and partying.
# Never wanted to be in a relationship.
None of the above worked for me. I am haunted by this, always , and i think these are the reasons why i am not happy at all.
The first one was never pursued becoz my brain told me that this is where i have a future. And also , did not have enough money.
Second one never worked out with me. I coould not cheat , i could not take sex easy , and thus I could not sleep with many women., i feel like a loser.
Third one , i dont know why it happened. I dont even know if i am in love. But i care for her , i wants her to be happy, i dont like her compromising anything for me, i just cant make her sad.
The bottom line is that i dont know how i can make myself happy. Tried so many different things in life , even now i am trying my level best to 'understand others' , 'understand that life is like this' ,'understand that no one is happy' , 'understand that its all mind games' ... whatever the fuck , i am not happy ,and thats it.
Fucking hell .. those dreams of mine will never be achieved. Those were the things one can do when they are young... and im over that age...
Anyways , forget it .. life has to move on . Atleast i will try my level best to contribute something to this world . May be my dreams did not work out , but i will try to make others come true , and try to find pleasure in watching them...
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